The Fog

Bright and early this morning, before my guys woke up, I snuck out of the house for a brisk morning walk down our quiet, gravel road. The grass was still covered with dew; fog filled the air. The fog was so thick, in fact, that the normally picturesque view of pastures, fields and woods along our road was hidden because of it. I couldn’t see very far ahead, behind or around me.

Normally, one of my favorite parts of taking a walk is taking in the view along the way. At first I didn’t like not being able to see. However, it only took me a little while to realize I didn’t need to see where I was going. I have walked (and driven) this road many times. I could remember what sights surrounded me, even if I couldn’t see them this time. They hadn’t changed and I knew that. So instead of focusing on what I couldn’t see, I found myself soaking in other senses.

I stopped on the road to listen…really listen…to the massive variety of birds chirping, the rooster crowing, the creek water flowing. I loved the sounds!

I took in the smell of fresh, clean country air, appreciating it when normally I wouldn’t have given it a second thought.

Before long I touched my naturally curly hair only to feel the moisture that had settled on it, making it even curlier. I walked in deep fog, but didn’t think much about what it was that obstructed my view. What I felt reminding me of what it really is, moisture in the air (and in my hair).

Not only did I learn to bear it, I actually started to appreciate the fog.

You know, sometimes life is kind of like that. Sometimes we go along taking in the view and it’s good. Then, one morning we wake up to find ourselves walking around in a fog.

The question is, will we stop to take in all that God has for us during these foggy times?

“Be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10a

Do we stop to listen…really listen? Asking what He is trying to teach us during these times? Asking how He wants to “grow” us? Pouring our hearts out to Him, knowing that He is listening and cares. We may be surprised what we hear from Him, what He reveals to us about Himself and us. We may be surprised the blessings we experience that we would have otherwise missed. If only we will be still long enough to “see” past the fog.

"As for God, his way is perfect. All the Lord's promises prove true. He is a shield for all who look to him for protection." Psalm 18:30

Sometimes what we see and feel during those foggy times is far from the truth. That’s why we have to remember what is true. The same God that was there when things were going well, when we could see clearly ahead, is still with us even in the fog. His promises prove true. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. He hasn’t changed. We must remember even if we can not see!

So, dear friend, when foggy time come (and come they will), when we can’t see what He’s doing, when we feel alone, we must remember He is there. Remember His faithfulness in the past. He hasn’t changed. We don’t have to be able to see Him (or understand what He is doing) to know He is there, working on our behalf. We can trust Him. We can stand on His promises. We have to be still and listen. If we seek Him, we will find him…feeling His presence all around us. If we do this, when the fog lifts again (and it will eventually), we will be thankful for all that He showed to us there.

“Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will not be shaken. …O my people, trust in him at all times. Pour out your heart to him, for God is our refuge.” Psalm 62:5-6,8

What will we learn, where will we turn in the fog?

Accepted

This morning I posted this on the Rise & Shine Women's Retreat Facebook page.  Wanted to share it with my blog friends as well.  A good reminder that I often need and thought you might too!

We have been chosen. He isn't still deciding. He isn't "sizing us up." He knows our flaws. He's seen our mistakes and outright sin. BUT..."God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." (Rom 5:8) Let's receive and believe His love, seeing ourselves as He sees us...completely accepted and equipped to SHINE!

We didn't choose Him, He chose us (John 15:16) and nothing can separate us from His love (Romans 8:38).

Let's choose to accept His acceptance, friends!

Lord, let the truth of Your love settle in our hearts.  Amen


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One of Those Days

Have you ever had one of those days? Yeah, me too. In fact, I think today might be one of them. J

Let me share my day with you…

It started out pretty well. Despite being a little sleepy (having a 4 ½ week old baby tends to do that), my extra strong coffee seemed to be kicking in and I had started on my to-do list. Noah (the 4 ½ week old) needed fed and so as I sat in the rocking chair, I decided I’d try to multi-task by reading a bit of my devotions at the same time.

Andrew (my 3 year old) was busily coloring with markers at the coffee table right next to me. I looked up from my book to see him under the coffee table, face and hands covered in dark blue marker, staring at me intently. He didn’t say a word, but the look on his face said, “I know I’m going to be in big trouble for this one!” It only took a moment for my eyes to shift to the floor, the light tan living room carpet next to Andrew was now also nicely decorated with dark blue marker. Ahhh!

After a little “heart to heart” conversation about consequences with Andrew, a few tears…from both him and me, I took away Andrew’s markers and sent him to time-out.

I needed a time-out too. When I was done feeding Noah, I headed to the bathroom (where else can a mom get some alone time??). I had a little conversation with the Lord. “Fill me with Your peace, patience and grace, Lord. Remind me of the many times I disobeyed you, and the grace you’ve shown to me. Thank you for being a good Father who cares enough to discipline me when I am wrong. I know it’s not fun, but necessary. Give me wisdom to know how to lovingly guide the son you’ve given me in the same way.”

Andrew’s time-out was done and another teachable moment was ceased when I decided to conquer cleaning up the carpet. I told Andrew to go to his room and play while I did this. As I was down on my knees scrubbing the carpet, the baby started crying; the knees of my jeans were wet with carpet shampoo and water, Andrew kept coming out of his room about every 30 seconds asking me if I was done yet and my husband came in (from his morning chores) looking for some breakfast. Although Alan was fine with eating cold cereal, I felt guilty for not having something more sustaining ready for him. I shared with him my morning woes, he held the baby while I scrubbed the carpet some more.

Alan reminded me that one day I will look back on this day and laugh. Oh, and I reminded him that, that’s easy for him to say when he’s not the one who has to clean it up. HA (see I’m laughing already)!! In all seriousness, as I shared the events of the morning with him (the look on Andrew’s face, the things he said, etc) we laughed together! I said another prayer, “Thank you, Lord, for a wonderful husband to share life and laughter with…and a terrific daddy for my children. AND thank you, Lord, that Andrew used the washable marker to write on the carpet!”

Later Alan had gone back outside. Noah went to sleep. Andrew and I headed out to hang some laundry on the clothesline.

Did you hear the blood curdling screams where you were?!?!

Andrew was spinning around the clothesline pole when he got a splinter in his hand! He screamed! I tried to pull it out, but only managed to get the top of it and left the other half still under the skin. We headed towards the house to get the rest of it out. Upon entering the house we heard Noah crying. He had decided that it was time for him to eat again RIGHT NOW! I told Andrew I would need to feed Noah, then we’d work on getting the splinter out (realizing that it was going to be quite an ordeal). As I fed Noah, Andrew kept coming to the back door saying, “Mommy, you need to get this piece of wood out of my hand!” J

Finally, Noah finished eating, time for Andrew’s “splinter operation”! Tears filled his beautiful, piercing blue eyes and went streaming down his cheeks, his mouth wide open with high pitched screams coming out of it, baby Noah crying along with him and my heart pounding. Andrew said, “I don’t want it to hurt!” I said, “Neither do I!” as tears filled my own eyes and I tried to explain just why I had to do this (to prevent it from getting infected, etc). He cried and pulled away! I wanted so much for him to understand that I didn’t want to hurt him, that I had to do this to keep it from hurting more later, that I was doing it to help him. Try explaining this to a 3 year old when you’re coming at him with a pair of tweezers in your hand!!

I’d never seen him carry on like that before, he’s usually pretty tough, but not today. It was really only a couple of minutes, but it felt like forever! Splinter was removed in seconds, bandage and ointment were applied, tears were wiped, hugs given.

Through this whole “splinter experience” I thought about God’s love for us. Sometimes we go through difficult things, not understanding what God is doing. Like any Good Father (parent) He hurts when we hurt.  He is looking out for our best interest. Sometimes it is painful, but I know I can trust Him and what He is doing. He wants me to trust Him, just like I wanted Andrew to just trust me…even when I had tweezers in my hands. I found myself praying again, “Help me to just trust You, Lord…even when I don’t understand what you are doing, even when it’s painful. Help me to know there must be a purpose for the pain if you are allowing it to take place in my life because you are a good Father who loves His children.”

Yes, it’s been one of THOSE days…one of those days that leads me to my Savior. It’s really all about focus and perspective, isn’t it?! Thankful the Lord is walking right beside me…listening, guiding, giving peace and revealing more of Himself to me through ordinary, everyday moments. 

“You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!” Isaiah 26:3 NLT

Blessings

Someone told me the other day that when you bring home a new baby...

your home grows 2 feet.  :)

 I believe MY HEART has grown even more...

at least 2 or 3 sizes.  Before having my second child I

wondered how I could ever love another little person

as much as I did my first child. 

Then, amazingly enough when I saw him

my heart SWELLED. 

My love is not divided...

it has MULTIPLIED! 

As I've watched my newborn sleep...

I've fallen in love...again!

I've found such joy in watching my first born become

the "big brother"...

Eager to help...and gently love on his "baby bruder."

P.S. He kept calling him "Baby Jesus" for the first week or so. =)

Two beautiful faces...

both unique and special blessing from the Father!

Faces that make you smile...

and laugh out loud...

Bringing joy and merriment into our home...and hearts!

Blessed to have these 3 gorgeous guys in my life...

each of them a blessing sent straight from the LORD! 

Sent to me...

me, the girl who longed for,

but always secretly wondered

if she would ever be a wife and mother.

So thankful for God's rich blessings!

BABY NEWS!!

It's a boy!!

NOAH BENJAMIN BERAN

born on

Tuesday, April 13th at 9:08am

(11 days early.  Didn't have to wait much longer, did I?!?!)

 He weighed in at 8lb, 6oz

and was 20 1/2 inches long

Both baby Noah and Mommy are doing well.

Noah is just precious, completely perfect and

a wonderful blessing from the LORD!

Big brother Andrew is adjusting quite well

even though at first he thought Noah

should have been a girl and that we should

have named him Checkers.  :) 

Now he says he loves everything about his baby brother.

He's been Mommy's eager little helper.

Very sweet!

We are blessed indeed!!

You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body

and knit me together in my mother's womb.

Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! 

Your workmanship is marvelous - how well I know it.

Psalm 139:13-14

Thank you for your continued prayers blog friends! :)

Waiting!

I’ve heard it said, “Waiting is the hardest part.” I’m not sure that’s true in every case, but for a girl like me whose greatest virtue has never been patience, I’d say it’s true more often than not. :)

I’m two weeks from my baby’s expected due date. I haven’t been feeling well the last few days. I went to my weekly prenatal checkup this morning and things are progressing right along. Yet, I wait!  I try to stay busy. Then again, I wait! The waiting seems to be the hardest part. It’s nerve racking not knowing when it will happen or what to expect next. Although I’ve had a baby before, this experience could be completely different. I wonder how it will all take place, what it will be like, what my child will look like…and still I wait.


I should be better at waiting than what I am. I have had to wait a lot in my lifetime. My patience level has improved as I’ve learned more about Christ and have lived to practice more of His patience in my life…especially as a wife and mother. Still, I found myself saying a rather impatient prayer this morning, “God, would you please just let this baby come now?”


After saying it I realized that although God hears my prayers, He also knows the precise right moment for this baby to be born. He knows what’s best for me, what’s best for our baby. He created this life I’m nurturing and has already predetermined the exact number of days of my child’s life! Why wouldn’t I trust His timing over my feelings? Because I’m impatiently waiting, that’s why?!


As I thought about this it got me to thinking some more (hey, a 38 week pregnant girl has to have things to keep her mind pre-occupied, you know?!) I asked myself:  How many times has God waited on me?!

I think about the time I spent running from Him and His will for my life. I had felt such a closeness to Him early in life and then turned my back on Him as a young adult. How did He feel then? I think of Him patiently waiting (like the father of the prodigal son). Then, I see Him with arms open wide and tears in His eyes as I came back to Him in repentance. He gracefully accepted me just as I was, without reservation or condemnation. He wrapped His arms around me and said, “I’ve been waiting!” Oh the joy, as He accepted His child into His arms, embracing the lamb that was once lost!

Even after surrendering my life to Christ, I have spent some time running from His perfect will for me. I’ve wasted time trying to do things my own way and running from the things He’s called me to. He’s dealt with me in a certain areas of my life, to be more obedient or disciplined, and because of my own stubbornness there have been times when it has taken me a long time to submit. I’ve failed to or at least been slow to pray over situations that have risen in my life, either forgetting the power I have available to me or foolishly thinking I could handle it on my own…or in my own strength. Again, my Father patiently waited! And eagerly answered when I called! This growing process continues in my life.

At times like these I picture Him with His head in His hands saying, “When will she ever learn?“ Even as He prompts my spirit, He patiently waits!

I’m thankful He’s never been impatient with me. He never gives up on me! He waits patiently…loving, guiding and teaching! I am a work in progress.

Oh, and I will wait also (like it or not!). Perhaps today He is trying to teach me to have more patience. When will I ever learn?! :)

Thank you Lord for being patient with me, your child. Thank you for lovingly accepting me, faults and all, embracing me with your loving kindness and grace. Thank you for your forgiveness and salvation! Forgive me now for my tendency to be forgetful, doubtful and impatient. Teach me more of Your ways and help me not to forget to seek them! Thank you for not giving up on me…even though I know you’ve done a lot of waiting.
　
…the LORD longs to be gracious to you, And therefore He waits on high to have compassion on you.  For the LORD is a God of justice; how blessed are all those who long for Him.
Isaiah 30:18 (NASB)

True Freedom

My life was a mess! It really was.

Despite being raised in a Christian home by a godly mother, going to Christian school, attending church regularly, making a commitment to Christ at a young age, being saturated with the truth of God’s Word day in and day out as I grew up, as a young adult I chose a different path for myself.

Somewhere along the way, even though I knew it was wrong and I consistently felt the Lord calling me back to Himself, I decided that I wanted to do things my own way. I didn’t want to answer to Him. I turned my back on Him and out into the world I went. It wasn’t one giant step, just one small step at a time. It didn't seem that bad at first. In fact, it seemed quite inviting, and for a while I thought I was having a pretty good time. I so ignorantly thought I was free. I did what I wanted.

I’ll spare you all the gory details, just take my word for it, sin took me further than I wanted to go, and kept me longer than I wanted to stay. All my “freedom” and “fun” had led to bondage. I was miserable, lost, broken. Although I promised myself that I would never feel regret, I felt an overpowering regret and oppression hover over my life like a dark cloud. I felt like my life was headed no where fast and, honestly, I wasn’t sure that I wanted it to continue.

It was in February of 2004 that my knees hit the floor. Cries from my broken heart pleaded with the Lord to forgive me for my rebellious ways. I told Him that I wanted to change. That I wanted to live for Him. That I knew that I was dirty and broken, but would He please renew me to live a life for Him and His service. I meant it and God heard my prayer.

Something extraordinary happened within me that day. For the first time in a long time, faith welled up inside me. My heart changed. I knew-I JUST KNEW-that He was doing a brand new thing in my life (Isaiah 43:18 & 19).

I changed that day…and the evolution has continued from there. As I’ve continued to surrender more to Him and His will for my life the more freedom I have experienced. I feel peace, hope and joy that was completely lacking in my life before. I know where I put my trust, and it isn’t in temporal worldly pleasures.

If there is one thing I’d like to tell the world…all people, all my friends and family and acquaintances…it would be this: there is a REAL God that works in our REAL lives in this very REAL world! It isn’t about being spiritual or religious, it’s about a personal relationship with a REAL God that loves me, and He loves you too. I didn’t always believe that, but I know it to be true in my life today. I know where I was and I know where I am now. I cringe to think of where I COULD be today, and am thankful that He loved me so much that He took me, dirty and broken, and gave me a NEW LIFE!

You can readily recall, can’t you, how at one time the more you did just what you felt like doing-not caring about others, not caring about God-the worse your life became and the less freedom you had? And how much different is it now as you live in God’s freedom, your lives healed and expansive in holiness? Romans 6:19 (MSG)

YES I DO readily recall!! And I am extremely grateful that I now live in freedom, healing and holiness. Ironically, when I gave up my life, surrendered to Christ, I found true freedom. 

This is really what Easter is all about, friends! This is why God sent His son, why He chose to humble Himself to come to earth as a human; to voluntarily die a disgraceful, excruciatingly painful death; to willingly take upon Himself our sins and iniquities; to arise from death to life on the third day...so that we too may live.  To live eternally, yes. Yet, also so that we can live life abundantly NOW, in true freedom with peace, hope and joy that the world does not offer. He loved us that much!!

Each of us have a choice, we can “hold on” to our lives or we can surrender them to the Savior who gave His life for us, accepting His truth, His grace and His will for our lives. It’s not a one time decision, it is a daily choice. Take it from someone who knows, you must first “lose” your life to find true freedom. He is what each of us need. None of us are “good enough” on our own…or have been “too bad” to receive His grace!

Thank You Lord Jesus for Your love, grace and mercy. Thank You for giving up Your life so that I may LIVE…and not just live, but TRULY live in the freedom only You offer. Thank you for forgiving me and allowing me to move so far beyond my past mistakes. Thank you for doing a “brand new thing” in my life. I pray that I will continue to die daily to myself, to my selfish desires, self-doubt and self-will, so that I can experience all the good You have planned for me. TRUE freedom! Give me courage to share You with others in my life…knowing that You are the life-giving Savior we all need in order to experience the abundant life we each desire. Let my life be an example. Help me shine Your light into the darkness of this world, sharing Your LIFE and love with others. May You be glorified!

Do you know Him, dear reading friend?  I mean, REALLY know Him?  Are you experiencing the abundant LIFE, the TRUE freedom He promises to those who serve Him?  Do you believe that He died for YOU? 

If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.  Romans 10:9...Christ's love controls us.  Since we believe that Christ died for all, we also believe that we have all died to our old life.  He died for everyone so that those who receive his new life will no longer live for themselves.  Instead, they will live for Christ, who died and was raised for them.  II Corinthians 5:14 & 15 … anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun! II Corinthians 5:17
Previously you let yourselves be slaves to impurity and lawlessness, which led ever deeper into sin. Now you must give yourselves to be slaves to righteous living so that you will become holy…You are now ashamed of the things you use to do, things that end in eternal doom. But now you are free from the power of sin and have become slaves of God. Now you do those things that lead to holiness and result in eternal life. For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord.  Romans 6:19 and 6:20b-23 (NLT)

I read this quote recently, “It was not the nails, but Jesus' amazing love for us, that held Him to that cross." He had the power to remove himself from that cross, but He chose not do so.

He did this for ME. He did this for YOU. LIFE is His free gift to us, if we accept it.