Remain Faithful

Last August I attended ReNEWed Life Women's Event for the first time as an attendee rather than an organizer.  I had just made it through eight weeks of recovery after spinal surgery, so it was good just to be out and feeling decent.  The music was good.  The speakers were good.  The atmosphere was good.

But I was distracted.

I heard the speaker talking that morning about God's goodness and faithfulness.  These were things I know to be true.  In fact, I had experienced God's goodness and faithfulness personally in the past, through all my health issues and three miscarriages.  Yet, my mind was spinning this particular morning.  I wasn't experiencing peace.  My husband and I had just received our first call for an adoptive placement...of three children. 

I questioned the LORD.  "Is this really what you want us to do?"  I questioned my own ability.  "How can I do this?  We already have two young children...now three more , virtually the same age as our two.  Really, Lord?"  I questioned God's direction.  "Is this really what you're wanting us to do?"  My mind was whirling through all the details.  I couldn't concentrate on anything else it seemed.  I was trying to figure it out.  Reason.  To see what God was doing.  I was anxious.

It wasn't until the afternoon session that my mind settled down a bit.  At least enough to hear the speaker say something like because God is good and faithful, He asks us to remain faithful.  Then, while another speaker shared her testimony, she said something like through her experience she had realized she was a control freak, and my eyes filled with tears.  It hit me.  I didn't need to have it all figured out.  No, I needed to relinquish control and remain faithful.  To do the next right thing.  To trust Him.  That's what God was calling me to do.

Well, it turned out, as usual, I had no idea what lied ahead in the days to come.  But God knew.  And I was thankful for the reminders I heard that day.

It didn't work out with the three children.  God made it clear that it wasn't the right placement for them or us.  So I had wasted a lot of time fretting about something that didn't even happen.

In September, we received another call, this time about an 11 month old boy.  Our family spent two months getting to know this little boy in hopes of adopting him, only to have some distant relatives in another state come forward and say they wanted him.  In Iowa, relatives get top preference.

That really hurt, not only my husband and me, but our two little boys who had fallen in love with him.  They were excited to welcome him as their little brother.  This made no sense to me.  I truly felt we had followed God's lead to pursue this adoption.  Sure, we had prayed for God's best.  But how could we not be the best for him, right?!  So, again, I wondered what God was doing.  I wondered why He allowed this to happen.  But we kept moving forward in faith. 

In November, there was a precious baby girl.  That didn't work out.  I just wasn't ready physically or emotionally.  I didn't realize it at first.  Fortunately, she went to another loving home instead.

Then, in December, we found out I was pregnant!  After me having 2 years of early pre-menopausal symptoms and having had three miscarriages, we were just thrilled to be expecting a baby!  We reasoned, this must be why things didn't work out with the other kiddos (always trying to figure it out). 

It seemed like the pregnancy was progressing well.  I was showing early and experiencing all the pregnancy symptoms that I experienced with my two healthy pregnancies.  We announced it to the world in January.  We were excited!  Everyone else was excited along with us!

A few weeks later we lost our baby; a fourth miscarriage.  Honestly, it just seemed too much.  I mourned deeply.  But the same words came out of my mouth, "God is good.  God is faithful."  I was reminded again, that I also needed to remain faithful...even though I didn't understand (and still don't). 

This scripture ministered to me in my grief:

Romans 11:33-36 (NLT)
³³ Oh, how great are God’s riches and wisdom and knowledge! How impossible it is for us to understand his decisions and his ways!

³⁴ For who can know the Lord’s thoughts?
    Who knows enough to give him advice?^[a]
35 And who has given him so much
    that he needs to pay it back?^[b]

³⁶ For everything comes from him and exists by his power and is intended for his glory. All glory to him forever! Amen.

We were still grieving and we were on hold from taking foster and adoptive placement calls, when one day I opened up my Facebook to read a message from a dear friend I had made through the connection with the 11 month old boy I mentioned earlier; the foster mom of the little boy we didn't get to adopt.  She said she knew it might not be the right time, but the situation was time sensitive so she was just going to throw it out there.  She had heard about two children legally free for adoption that she thought might be a good fit for our family.

At first my husband, Alan, said, "No way!"  We were still mourning.  I was still recovering physically.  So I thought about just saying we weren't interested.  In fact, I went to my Facebook and began a message.   But I didn't feel right saying no.  So, instead, we agreed to pray about it for a few days.

After a lot of prayer, a few phone calls, meeting the kids and having visits with them for a month, those two precious kiddos moved in with us in March.  Legal adoption day is quickly approaching.

Through this adoption process God has asked me over and over to surrender.  To relinquish control.  To stop trying to figure it out.  To trust Him.  To walk forward in faith, faithfully.  It hasn't always been easy.  But... 

God is good.  God is faithful.  We need to remain faithful to Him.  Surrendered.

Through all the ups and downs of life this past year, God was a work.  Even though I don't need to know all the "whys", God is good to give us little glimpses into His glory.  It helps us press forward in faith.  For instance, when things didn't work out with the then 11 month old boy, it just didn't make sense to me.  But it was through our connection with him that we met his foster mom who connected us with the two children we have now.  He's also in a very good place for him.  The LORD is good and faithful.  He is sovereign.  He provides.

Faith is something we talk a lot about.  But it's another thing to live it.  Faith is an action.  It's taking God at his Word.  It's remaining faithful, even when (especially when!) it doesn't make sense to us.  When we can't see.  Because even when it doesn't feel true, God is good and faithful.  And He's always up to something...so much more than we can even fathom, in fact.

I mess up a lot.  I want to control.  I want to know.  I'm not always faithful.  But God is!  I'm so thankful for His grace.  But I long to live a life more wholly surrendered to Him.  To trust Him more.  It's a process and a daily choice.  None of us know what tomorrow holds.  God does.  I must remember His faithfulness in the past...and keep moving forward.

Will you join me, friend?  

Necessary Silence (Adoption)

I wrote this a month ago, but didn't post it....

I've been silent on my blog for a while.  Necessarily silent.

The process of Adoption.  It's complicated.  Both good and hard at times.  It's a beautiful blessing.  A huge adjustment.  A high calling.  Exhausting.  An indescribable joy.  It can be isolating. 

Nothing has made me more aware of the brokenness of this world.  The world's depravity.  My own need for a Savior.  And, in turn, it freshly reveals His grace upon grace upon grace.

To have another woman's children tightly squeeze my neck and say, "I love you, Mom."  Bittersweet.  My heart aches for her loss.  Yet, my heart sings over my gain, over God's redemptive love and sovereignty.  He gives a future and a hope!  I don't understand all the "whys".  I don't need to. 

There are so many words flowing through my mind.  But, right now, I'm (mostly) silent on this blog.  Not because I don't have anything to say.  Instead, I'm choosing, in the small snippets of times I'm allowed, to be still and listen to the One who created me.  Not because I'm so holy.  Because it's a necessity. 

I'm more acutely aware of my desperate need of His wisdom, peace, perspective and Holy Spirit guidance through this whole process.  Aware I am not in control of things.

I don't want pity.  I am so blessed!  I love these kids!  But the fact is, adjusting, no matter how amazing the kids are or how closely I'm walking with Jesus, takes time, patience, prayer and motivated effort, not just for the kids, for Mom and Dad too. 

He is doing His work.  Refining.  Reshaping.  Lovingly revealing those deep places that need to be more wholly surrendered.  As my husband and I try to live out the Gospel, the truths of Scripture are coming alive.  He's growing and maturing us as we're pouring into all four of our children.  The LORD is so cool like that!  :)

His ways are so beyond my ways.  Yet, as we journey ahead, He gives me these beautiful glimpses into His vast glory and goodness and answers to prayer.   He's showing me His faithfulness (again!).  I praise Him for that.  It keeps me moving forward in faith. 

Sometime I hope to share here at least a few of the testimonies of His goodness through this process.  There's so much to tell.  But for now, I will choose silence in His presence over blogging.  I want to prayerfully listen, lean in and hopefully learn as we continue to find our new "normal."

I pray we will lead a life worthy of our calling, for we have been called by God."

(Ephesians 4:1)   

I pray the same for you, dear reader.  Have you taken time today to be silent?  Are you listening for His voice?  He's there.  Waiting.  Eager to engage.  Ready to help.  You need Him. 

Another month has passed now.  Our new "normal" is feeling more normal.  I'm counting my blessings as well as counting down the days to legal adoption day.  And I'm praising the LORD for all He has done, continues to do and what I believe He will do in the future.  God is good all the time!

Another Lesson I Learned From My Child

Motherhood can be so humbling...especially when it's your children who keep teaching YOU things. 

I'm a homeschool mom.  I spend my days with my two boys.  I teach them reading, writing, arithmetic, etc.  But we also talk a lot about character and Biblical truth. 

Recently our family fell in love with a foster child.  He spent weekends bonding with us.  We all enjoyed him so much and it felt so perfect, a great match in every way.  We thought he would soon come to live with us, that he would become our son/brother. 

Then, as the termination of parental rights hearing neared, after the child had already spent several months in foster care, some distant relatives who had never met him and live in another state came forward.  They decided they wanted to be considered as the primary adoptive family.  In our state (Iowa), relatives to the fourth degree of kinship (!!!) receive preference over foster/adoptive families.

I've found myself irritated at "the system" and the laws in our great state of Iowa.

I've found myself frustrated that caring DHS workers can't make decisions that seem to be in the child's best interest, like turning away distant relatives who don't even know a child and live all the way across the country, because of laws that don't make sense and seem to even frustrate them.  Have we lost all common sense?

I've found myself so angry that this precious little one will remain in foster care much longer than necessary, remaining in limbo and unable to get settled into his forever family, because of relatives who don't seem to be thinking of what is best for him.  If they pass their home study process months from now, he will be drug off across the country with complete strangers, having everyone and everything he knows disappear from his life, and without any transition into his new home.  Perhaps they think he's too young to remember.  They're probably right, but he won't forget the feelings associated with such loss and change.  It's unfortunate that they don't mind putting him through this when it could be avoided.  He's a real person with real feelings.  We have developed a relationship with his foster family and would continue his contact with them, the only family he's ever really known.  It's a great loss for them too.  It just doesn't seem right! 

My heart has been breaking over the loss of this little one!  I've prayed.  I've cried.  I've consoled my two little boys many times as they mourn this "little brother".  I've asked God "Why?" many times...with no real answer.  I've asked for strength, wisdom and peace for everyone involved.  I've tried to remain faithful and faith-filled, trusting the One in control of all things.

Last night our 7 year old, Andrew, brought up this little one in conversation again.  We both agreed, we miss him.  I asked him, "Have you been praying about it?"  He quickly said, "Not really."  My heart cried out, "Have I taught you nothing?!"  Then, I calmly asked, "Why not?"  And here it is...the moment when it felt like a 2x4 across my head...

He said, "Well, I believe God is doing His best.  We already prayed about it and I don't think I have to just keep on asking.  He's doing His best, Mom."

"Oh, yes, Andrew, you're right!  We need to thank God that He's working."

When we prayed together before bedtime I thanked God for the lesson I received from Him through my son.  For the reminder that He is doing His best...just as we asked Him to.  Oh, to have the faith of a child!

I remembered a quote from author and speaker, Susie Larson, "God's will for you is your best-case scenario."

I don't understand why.  I'm still frustrated with "the system".  But, ultimately, God is in control.  I can choose to trust that He's looking out for our best interest, and the best interest of this darling child.  I will keep praying that God's will, will be done and that we and others involved will cooperate with Him.  I will thank Him for hearing and answering our prayers.  I will praise Him for giving us His BEST.    

Thanks for the reminder, Andrew!  You are part of God's best-case scenario for me.    :)

Andrew with the pumpkin he carved for me this fall :)

“And when you are praying, do not use meaningless repetition as the Gentiles do, for they suppose that they will be heard for their many words. “So do not be like them; for your Father knows what you need before you ask Him.  Pray, then, in this way: Our Father who is in heaven, Hallowed be Your name.  Your kingdom come.  Your will be done, On earth as it is in heaven.  Give us this day our daily bread.  And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.  And do not lead us into temptation, but deliver us from evil.  For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen."  Matthew 6:7-13

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.  Jeremiah 29:11

 

For the word of the Lord holds true,
    and we can trust everything he does.
He loves whatever is just and good;
    the unfailing love of the Lord fills the earth.

Psalm 33:4-5

Building Faith Muscles

It seems like it would be easier not to change things...

It seems like it would be easier to leave our family structure the way it is; everyone knows their role.   Our boys are getting bigger, more self-sufficient. Although we always thought we would like a bigger family, we've become quite satisfied  and content with the one God's given us.  Life is good.

It seems like it would be easier to avoid the stress; not to have to wait on court dates and judges rulings, important phone calls, DHS decisions that could change everything; to depend on a bunch of people we don't know to do their jobs and to do the right things.  Easier to stay where we're comfortable.  To avoid the anxiety inducing variables that seem to accompany every adoption process.

It seems like it would be easier to just stay home rather than running off to visits, drop offs and pick ups. To avoid the chaos of going back and forth, changing routine and having to say goodbye again and again to a child we wish we could keep with us.

It seems like it would be easier not to have to answer so many questions.  While it's nice people are interested (and praying), it's not easy explaining over and over again; hearing everyone's comments and opinions.  It's even harder to know what to say and what not to say.  There are rules we need to follow.  (But I don't want people to stop asking.  We'll share what we can...and ask you to pray)

It seems like it would be easier just not to. Not to set ourselves, and our two biological children, up for potential heartbreak.  It feels risky. There are so many unknowns, uncertainties and undetermined details.  We've been investing in, and now have fallen in love with, a child we're not even sure we're ever going to get to  call "ours".  And no one can tell us if we will or won't.  No one knows but God.

Yes, it seems like it would be easier.  But would it?  The real question is, is it suppose to be easy?!

We didn't go into foster care and adoption because we were seeking easy and simple. We began this journey because we felt the LORD prompting our hearts. We felt called. We had a desire to help children. We saw the need. We wanted to obey God.

Let's go back a little...

Honestly, it would have been easier not to go to ten weeks of three hour classes an hours drive away.  To go through background checks, fill out mounds of paperwork, be analyzed and have three home studies!  But we kept stepping forward in faith believing we would be used of God to make a difference in the life of a child or two.

It seems easier not to...

Then we see the face of this child; smiling, sweet, precious.  A completely lovable child who deserves a stable, loving family; one like ours.  A vulnerable child who depends on strangers to make right choices on his/her behalf.  A child who is worth the effort!  A child who fits right in to our family and brings much joy to our hearts.  It becomes obvious...this is why we're doing this!  We only want what's best for this dear little one; dear to us and dear to God.  It's really not about us, or our comfort level.  We would never turn our backs on this little one.

Then we hear another uncertainty, a huge hitch in "our plans".  Then another one.  Things I can't share.  But, trust me, they are anxiety inducing. 

"But God doesn't call us to be comfortable.  He calls us to trust Him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if He doesn't come through."  Francis Chan

Yep, today it seems easier to avoid all of this....but it wouldn't be.  God has called us here for such a time as this; for such a child as this.  We love this child already.  God loves this child much more!  We pray.  We hope.  We believe.  If we never get to adopt this child, we will still be better for having known him/her.  We've already learned quite a bit through this process.

God whispers to our hearts, "You say you trust me.  Do you?"  We are building faith muscles that apparently needed a bit more exercise. 

Things may not go the way we think they should.  He never promised this life would be easy.  In fact, He told us in His Word that there would be trials of many kinds.  BUT He did promise that He would walk closely with those of us who love Him.  He promised good things for us who love Him. When we're coasting along,  in ease and comfort, there's no need to cling to such promises.  It's when we recognize how much our lives are out of our control that we turn more fully to Him. 

So for now I meditate on scriptures like this one...

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trails of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4

When I consider these verses I don't want easy...I want to be a woman who walks in faith, develops perseverance and fully trusts the God I serve to do what is best; knowing His best is truly our best case scenario.  I will ask for what I want.  I will do the next right thing. Not because I'm so awesome...because I serve a God who is!! I will remind myself that He is God and I am not.  It is a choice to believe what His Word says; He has good plans for us (Jeremiah 29:11) and we can trust Him (Proverbs 3:5-6).

I've had a bit of experience with Faith in the Waiting.  It's definitely not easy!  But I can choose faith.  When my flesh feels anxious because I can't see what He is up to (which is often) and my heart is troubled, it's just another opportunity to take Him at His Word.  I pray we will, and believe our faith muscles will be strengthened in the process.

As we continue to wait I will find joy in the honor to know and pray for this little one.  We will love on this child as if he/she is staying forever.  And I will remind myself...

"Don't let your heart be troubled.  Trust in God, and trust also in me (Jesus)...I am leaving you with a gift ~ peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don't be troubled or afraid." John 14:1, 27
 
"Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. I will help you. I will uphold you with my victorious right hand." Isaiah 41:10

Why Have We Chosen Foster Care and/or Adoption? PART 2

If you missed my last post Read Part 1 HERE.

The thing is when we say we're pursing foster care and adoption many people respond with something like, "Oh, how exciting!"  Others respond, "Oh!" with a confused and concerned look on their faces, but we'll address that later.  For now, let's address the "exciting" comment. 

You know, it is kind of exciting in the sense that we're following God's lead; we're going to have the opportunity to invest in the lives of children; there is a huge need and, God willing, we're going to do something rather than just talk about it.  Yep, that sounds kind of exciting, right?  But, the truth is, most often good, worthwhile things are also not easy things. They stretch you. They require self-sacrifice. It's hard work. 

At first, it was all a little scary. Yes, we had faith (and still do). Apart from that faith, this all seemed crazy.  Although we have nothing to hide, having "the government" invade (not really, but that's how it felt at first) our home and analyze our every move, seemed a bit taxing and intrusive. Undergoing background checks, turning over our tax records, going through 10 weeks of 3 hour classes ~ a one hour drive away, piles of paperwork and 3 home studies, all seemed inconvenient and a bit overwhelming. We worried about the safety of our own children. We were concerned that "they" would discriminate against us because we're a bit "outside the box"...conservative Christians, homeschoolers, etc. We're not dealing with a Christian agency. In fact, that's not even an option in Iowa. I wish it were.

As time has passed and we've connected with the people of the system, it doesn't seem like they're "out to get us". The more we learn, the more we understand just why all of these rules, guidelines and procedures are in place.  It's to protect the kids. So I'm thankful they're in place, even if it does seem a bit crazy at times.  I really question how any unstable couples/individuals ever manage to make it through without being detected. 

So pursuing foster care and adoption is about as exciting as being an overseas missionary. It's not glamorous.  But it is important, necessary, gospel spreading...and not for everyone.

Announcing you're doing foster care/foster care adoption isn't like announcing a pregnancy.  Although we will welcome a little one with joy into our home, LORD willing, for all the joy and excitement we will feel, that little one will most likely feel just as much sorrow and loss.

You see, every foster child in the system represents a broken family.  It's sad.  For every child we have an opportunity to nurture and protect there is a devastating reality of neglect and/or abuse behind them being in foster care in the first place.  There's nothing exciting about that.  Every child, no matter their age, wants to be with their birth family.  This is something we knew, but understand a lot better now that we've taken the PS-MAPP classes.  Although it's wonderful to have the desire to help children, the very fact that foster care (and adoption) is even necessary is a sad reality.  As foster and adoptive parents we will need to help children work through much pain, confusion, loss and grief. 

When you have a better understanding of the things many innocent children are facing in this modern day world, your heart can't help but feel burdened for them, these beloved children of God. 

No matter what type of orphan care, foster care or adoption you pursue or support, it represents the dark realities of this fallen, broken world where children are mistreated or unwanted or abandoned...or all of the above.  And there are repercussions. 

International adoption, domestic adoption, foster care adoption, embryo adoption...all come with their own set of challenges and triumphs.  All are vital and important in nurturing LIFE!  If you're not familiar with any of these types of adoptions, I urge you to Google them (I added a link to embryo adoption since it is perhaps the least well known option). 

I've had a few people ask how they can help us through this foster care/adoption process.  My first request is PLEASE PRAY!  Pray for:

Us (our family) ~ for protection, wisdom, strength, open hearts that will follow the LORD's leading and move as He directs us, and only as He directs us, so that He may be glorified.

Children in foster care and those who will be entering care, all of them, but especially for those the LORD will bring to us.  We are trusting God with every detail!

Parents and families of the children in foster care ~ as I mentioned in my previous post many of these parents faced the same neglect and abuse as children themselves.  The cycle needs to be broken.  Many are facing addictions, incarceration or mental health issues.  They need to know that there is hope and a better way.  They need JESUS.

Social/Case Workers, Licensing Workers, Adoption Workers, Judges, etc ~  They have a huge weight on their shoulders and the decisions they make effect the lives of many.

Secondly, I ask you to pray about getting involved.  I'm NOT saying everyone should do foster care or adopt.  I AM saying: find a way you can help.  (Get ideas on how you can help by following the links below)

We understand today, even more than when we started this process, there is a great need for Christians to step in and be the nurturing arms of Christ.  Not so we can pat ourselves on the back.  So that we can live out the Gospel, impact lives and honor God.

Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you. James 1:27 (NLT)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I recently started following the Jason Johnson Blog.  Jason Johnson and his wife are adoptive parents and foster care providers.  He has some wonderful insights.  Here are a few links I highly recommend; ones that echo my own heart!

Orphan Care, the Church and Evangelical Fads (Zeal without Knowledge is dangerous and Orphan Care is not a Fad)
Orphan Care: You Can't Do Everything, But You Can Do Something (Can't do foster care or adopt at this time?  Other ways YOU can support children ~ modern day orphans ~ and adoptive families). 

Adoption: Giving a Family, Not Just Getting a Child

Once you are on Jason's blog you will find all kinds of other links to good, relevant blog posts!!

 

Why Have We Chosen Foster Care and Adoption? PART 1

We've already heard the typical crazy comments and questions about foster care and adoption from the foster care system...and we don't even have our first placement yet.  Heck, we haven't even finished the classes yet. 

It's clear most people don't have a great understanding of how the foster care system works or about the kids it helps. 

Allow me to start by clearing up a few misconceptions and maybe answering some of your questions.

The children in foster care are not bad kids.  They have done nothing wrong.  They're not second rate citizens or "less than" our biological children or anyone else's.  Although they've been victims of neglect and/or abuse and these things effect their development, they were not necessarily born that way.  They did not ask to be born into dysfunctional families or to parents who need to work on their own issues.  They didn't do anything to deserve the treatment they've received.

Just as their are misconceptions about the children, there are certain "labels" put on all birth parents who end up with kids in the foster care system.  But I'm rarely quick to slap a label on anyone.  Don't judge someone until you've walked a little while in their shoes.  Many of these parents were victims of the same things their kids are now going through.  It's a cycle that needs to be broken.  Many of these parents need mentors to give them hope and show them a better way.

Even though there are obvious reasons that children are taken from their birth parents and put into foster care, it doesn't change the fact that those kids still want to be with their parents.  No matter what their parents have done or how dysfunctional they're home life was, every kid wants to be with his/her parents.  Likewise, many of these parents love their kids and fight to get them back.

The point of foster care is not to rip families apart.  In fact, from everything I'm learning, there has to be real, solid evidence of abuse and/or neglect.  I know you hear of "horror stories" of kids being taken from their parents when they shouldn't have been.  From what I am learning, that is not the norm.  In fact, DHS doesn't want to remove the children and work to do everything they can to keep families together.  Once the kids are taken into care, the goal is reunification of the children with their birth family.  Only when it becomes clear (usually after multiple chances) that reunification is impossible are the parental rights terminated and the children put up for adoption.  That's why many of the children you hear of who need adopted out of foster care are older children.

That being said, not all the kids in foster care are teenagers.  In fact, from what we've learned, 43% of the children in foster care in the state of Iowa, where we live, are 0-5 years old!  The reason the child welfare service is always advocating for foster teen care and adoption is because there are so few people willing to take teenagers, especially teenagers with special needs.  So many of these kids stay in foster care homes or group homes and eventually "age out" of the system without a family.  Sad, but true. 

We have two young sons, 7 and 4.  Because we are thinking of their safety and well-being, and what child(ren) will work best in our little family, we are hoping to foster young children.  This isn't some selfish, self-protective stance.  Actually, in our PS-MAPP classes they have emphasized "knowing your family", really assessing your family and knowing what would/would not work best for/with your family, before taking placements.  This is better for everyone involved, including the foster children who do not wish to be moved again and again.  I have utmost respect for people willing to foster older children and that may be something we do in the future, but, for today, we're in "little kids" zone around here.  We hope that some day we will have the opportunity to adopt out of the foster care system. 

This is not PLAN B.  When I was a teenager I knew I wanted to adopt some day, whether I had my own biological children or not.  I felt strongly about it.  I wanted to help hurting children, to show them the love of Christ. After Alan and I were married I mentioned the idea of adoption to him, he didn't like the idea.  I was shocked because up to that point we had agreed on so many things.  I decided that I wouldn't nag him or even mention it again, I would just pray.  And that's what I did.  Four years later, he said out of the blue one day that had been thinking...maybe we should adopt some day.  GOD is amazing!!

We're not pursuing foster care/adoption because we had three miscarriages and have given up on having more biological children.  We don't know whether we will have more biological children or not.  Only God knows the answer to that question.  We're open to what He has for us.  We believe that children (ALL children) are a blessing from the LORD.

Psalm 127:3 Behold, children are a gift of the LORD, The fruit of the womb (*any womb) is a reward. 4 Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of one's youth. 5 How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them; They will not be ashamed When they speak with their enemies in the gate. *extra words added by me

I thought adoption was something we would pursue later, when our children were older, especially if we went the foster care route.  But last year God changed my heart and mind.  Over the whole year He was working on me.  It seemed like everywhere I turned, everything I heard or saw was about adoption.  And I kept hearing about children in foster care.  Still, I was leaning toward the idea of international adoption.  However, the first time (last year) that I mentioned this stronger tug on my heart, the idea that the time might be now not later, to Alan, he wasn't enthusiastic.  I asked him to begin praying about it, which he did. 

As the year proceeded (we) kept processing and praying and it still felt like the Lord was leading that way.  I couldn't shake it.  The tug eventually became a burning conviction.  Alan and I had several in depth conversations about it.  In one of those conversations he expressed a desire to adopt children right here in Iowa.  Together we decided that foster care was something we should do; that we could also care for and love children that we may never have the opportunity to adopt.  In fact, we felt God directing us that way.  We've always known God calls us to care for the widows and orphans. These are our modern day orphans.

Would it be easier not to do foster care and/or adopt?  Sure seems like it.  But what blessings would we miss?  What about the children?  Is there anything a person/family could do to impact the course of another person's life than this?  Most things worth doing are not easy.  We're moving ahead in obedience, peace and with joy.  We know God has good plans for us and our family! 

Our understanding of foster care has changed since we started this process.  We have learned so much...and we continue to.  The reasons we began were perhaps a bit different than the reasons we're continuing to pursue it.  We can see more clearly now why God has called us to this!

But I will share more about that next time.  I have so much more to say.  This has to be more than one post...

Join me next time.  :)

"Teach me how to live, O LORD.  Lead me along the right path...I am confident I will see the LORD's goodness while I am here in the land of the living.  Wait patiently for the LORD.  Be brave and courageous.  Yes, wait patiently, for the LORD."  Psalm 27:11, 13

At the beginning of the year I chose my words for the year 2014.  God gave me: FEAR NOT.  :)

Random Rachel Returns

What do I write about.  Which thing? 

I've been stepping back...simplifying...allowing the refining. 

I've felt pressured to write (I mean, this blog is just sitting here...) and yet, I don't. 

Do I write about the things He's been showing me?  The way He's been chipping away at my character.  The way He's been renewing and restoring things lost...and giving what perhaps never was.  Understanding.  Change.  Newfound joy.

Do I write about the foster care classes?   The stuff we're learning.  The way God is opening my eyes and heart even more to just why He's called us to this.  The class content is absolutely fascinating and educational.  Not sure what I expected, but the classes are better than I thought they would be. 

Do I write about the licensing process and the preparation to care for a foster child?  It's quite a process.  Many steps, a lot of paperwork, home studies and preparation necessary.  Sometimes it seems taxing, then I remember the goal.  It's worth it!

Do I write about one of our classes?  About Managing behaviors? Assessing strengths and needs?  Maybe about gains and losses?

Do I write about our loss?  It was 2  years ago that we lost our baby Faith to miscarriage; our third miscarriage.  Two years!!  Wow.  We've grieved.  We've questioned.  We've processed.  We've accepted God's promises to be true.  He has a good plan for us and we can trust Him, even when we don't understand.  As we move ahead, we see more clearly how He has worked in it.  How He has grown us; prepared us; lead us.  In joyful anticipation we look forward to seeing what He will do next, in His timing and in His way. 

Do I write about our two precious little boys?  They're constantly changing, growing, learning, bringing joy to our lives and home.  What about my 3 year old asking me what breasts are for!  :)  Or his little sweetness telling me daily, "You're the best mom!  I'll never forget about you."  Melts my heart!  Or what about my 7 year old who's suddenly a big boy; changing, growing increasingly independent and pulling away from mommy in some ways.  He's a little man.  Time is passing.

And I realize more and more and more the need to be here, to be fully present.  I can't be attached to a computer screen or my iPhone.  I can't be running around to numerous commitments.  I could miss it.  I don't mean just missing them growing or missing my chance.  Even worse, I could miss their hearts.  THIS is my call: to love God and others, starting at home with my husband and sons.  To spread the gospel, starting here.

To spend time just being with them (and their daddy), modeling, loving, nurturing relationships...

maybe even get a BONUS ride in the wagon every once in a while.  :)

Do I write about the disconnect between what our culture (as a whole) says is important and how we actually live?  How are we, especially we Christians, living out what we say we believe?  We say our mission field begins at home and yet it seems to me that the people in our homes often tend to get the worst of us rather than the best; as if everyone else "out there" is more important.  This is the true test of love...in the every day. 

Or do I write a Random Rachel post to just say...I can't write that much here?  I guess so.  That's what I'm doing.  I'm saying I just can't write that much right now.  At least not here.  Not now.  It's just not the time.  Today is the day to Simplify...as He leads me/us to the next place of promise.  I know it's a good place to be.

What would you write about?  What is God showing you? 

Philippians 2:1-11

 

Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort from his love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit? Are your hearts tender and compassionate? ² Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose.

³ Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. ⁴ Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.

⁵ You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.

⁶ Though he was God,^[a]
    he did not think of equality with God
    as something to cling to.
⁷ Instead, he gave up his divine privileges^[b];
    he took the humble position of a slave^[c]
    and was born as a human being.
When he appeared in human form,^[d]
8     he humbled himself in obedience to God
    and died a criminal’s death on a cross.

⁹ Therefore, God elevated him to the place of highest honor
    and gave him the name above all other names,
¹⁰ that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
    in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
¹¹ and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,
    to the glory of God the Father.

When You Dare to Ask God What He Wants...

I utter, “Use me, Lord.” “Show me your will, Lord.”  “I want to honor you, Lord.”  Do I mean it? 

What about my agenda.  My plan.  My way.  My dreams.  All good things, many of them sought with a desire to glorify Him.  I ask for what I want.  But I’m not God.  And I don’t know His plans.  What do I know of His ways?  How often do I dare to ask God what He wants? Really ask Him…and wait to hear His answer.  Hands open to whatever He has for me; even when it looks much different than what I thought…or planned…or dreamed. 

What about when His honor comes through the unexpected?  Or when it’s uncomfortable.  Or scary.  Or downright hard.  Or it involves suffering.  What then?   Do I ask for that?  Or do I keep my hands in tight fists, clinging to what I “know” is God’s best for me, and my loved ones?   It’s human nature to want “easy”, “happy” and “comfy cozy”.    

But, most often, when I ask Him what He wants…and actually wait to hear what He says, He doesn’t say “easy”.  He often calls me to the hard.  To things that seem beyond my reach.  To things that stretch my faith and cause me to rely on Him more.  

I see Christians do it all the time.  We say we want to be used of God.  What we often mean is we want the spotlight; the glory.  We want to do the good things on our agenda…and invite God to join us.  We may  look mature on the outside.  But the LORD sees us as little children with fingers in ears, singing, “La la la.”  Only willing to hear what we want to hear.  We want to hear words like blessings…and good gifts…grace and joy.   

The trouble: blessings, good gifts, even grace and joy often come in unexpected wrappings. 

Lately, my LORD has bee doing some serious sanctifying work in me.  Preparing me for His next place of promise (a Susie Larson quote).  I've watched Him do His work in my husband's heart as well.  Obvious and glorious!  He's doing a new thing...or two or three.

As my husband and I venture into the world of becoming foster parents, we face so many unknowns.   It’s exciting.  It can also be nerve wracking apart from faith.  He’s leading this way, no doubt about it.  We dared to ask.  We also dared to listen.  He answered.  So we step forward in faith and obedience, taking God at His word; choosing to lean on Jesus; humbly dependent.

We don’t expect easy.  We expect challenges.  But we’re compelled; compelled to help children.  We’re compelled to love with open hearts and arms; pouring out the love He’s so abundantly given us.  So many hurting kids, we can’t sit with eyes closed and hands clinched, clinging to our desire for unchallenged lives.  Growth stunted.

Honestly, it seems it would be easier not to.  Things are good and comfortable here.  Why mess with a good thing?  It will be work.  It will cost us something.  It will be inconvenient at times.  But what if we don’t?  Who will help?  There is a critical need and Jesus is calling us to intervene!  We can't help everyone, but we can help someone. 

If  we chose self-centeredness what seemingly haphazardly wrapped gifts would we miss?  True blessings given and received, designated for us and them, for such a time as this.  I shudder to think of passing it up for the sake of complacency.

Would it really be easier to say no?  Is not the center of God's will the best and safest place to be?  Christians often say it.  But do we live it?  We can be missionaries, His ambassadors, right here, right now, in our own home, in our own community.  But it requires faith steps.

I look ahead in anticipation of what He’s about to do.  Thankful for what He's already done.  Joyful.  Expecting.  Trusting.  Without fear.  Hands wide open and lifted up.  When doubt and fear and the Enemy’s lies rear their head once more, I will again choose faith.  Not because I am good.  Because He is good and I know I can trust Him. And truly my heart aches to help; to do His will. 

Will you dare to ask Him what He wants of you?

Will you pray for us as we move forward in faith? 

Will you please pray for the 450,000 children currently in foster care in the United States? 

Remember God doesn't call the equipped.  He equips the called.

 

"...Work hard to show the results of your salvation, obeying God with deep reverence and fear.  For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him."  Philippians 2:12-13

 

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