Remain Faithful

Last August I attended ReNEWed Life Women's Event for the first time as an attendee rather than an organizer.  I had just made it through eight weeks of recovery after spinal surgery, so it was good just to be out and feeling decent.  The music was good.  The speakers were good.  The atmosphere was good.

But I was distracted.

I heard the speaker talking that morning about God's goodness and faithfulness.  These were things I know to be true.  In fact, I had experienced God's goodness and faithfulness personally in the past, through all my health issues and three miscarriages.  Yet, my mind was spinning this particular morning.  I wasn't experiencing peace.  My husband and I had just received our first call for an adoptive placement...of three children. 

I questioned the LORD.  "Is this really what you want us to do?"  I questioned my own ability.  "How can I do this?  We already have two young children...now three more , virtually the same age as our two.  Really, Lord?"  I questioned God's direction.  "Is this really what you're wanting us to do?"  My mind was whirling through all the details.  I couldn't concentrate on anything else it seemed.  I was trying to figure it out.  Reason.  To see what God was doing.  I was anxious.

It wasn't until the afternoon session that my mind settled down a bit.  At least enough to hear the speaker say something like because God is good and faithful, He asks us to remain faithful.  Then, while another speaker shared her testimony, she said something like through her experience she had realized she was a control freak, and my eyes filled with tears.  It hit me.  I didn't need to have it all figured out.  No, I needed to relinquish control and remain faithful.  To do the next right thing.  To trust Him.  That's what God was calling me to do.

Well, it turned out, as usual, I had no idea what lied ahead in the days to come.  But God knew.  And I was thankful for the reminders I heard that day.

It didn't work out with the three children.  God made it clear that it wasn't the right placement for them or us.  So I had wasted a lot of time fretting about something that didn't even happen.

In September, we received another call, this time about an 11 month old boy.  Our family spent two months getting to know this little boy in hopes of adopting him, only to have some distant relatives in another state come forward and say they wanted him.  In Iowa, relatives get top preference.

That really hurt, not only my husband and me, but our two little boys who had fallen in love with him.  They were excited to welcome him as their little brother.  This made no sense to me.  I truly felt we had followed God's lead to pursue this adoption.  Sure, we had prayed for God's best.  But how could we not be the best for him, right?!  So, again, I wondered what God was doing.  I wondered why He allowed this to happen.  But we kept moving forward in faith. 

In November, there was a precious baby girl.  That didn't work out.  I just wasn't ready physically or emotionally.  I didn't realize it at first.  Fortunately, she went to another loving home instead.

Then, in December, we found out I was pregnant!  After me having 2 years of early pre-menopausal symptoms and having had three miscarriages, we were just thrilled to be expecting a baby!  We reasoned, this must be why things didn't work out with the other kiddos (always trying to figure it out). 

It seemed like the pregnancy was progressing well.  I was showing early and experiencing all the pregnancy symptoms that I experienced with my two healthy pregnancies.  We announced it to the world in January.  We were excited!  Everyone else was excited along with us!

A few weeks later we lost our baby; a fourth miscarriage.  Honestly, it just seemed too much.  I mourned deeply.  But the same words came out of my mouth, "God is good.  God is faithful."  I was reminded again, that I also needed to remain faithful...even though I didn't understand (and still don't). 

This scripture ministered to me in my grief:

Romans 11:33-36 (NLT)
³³ Oh, how great are God’s riches and wisdom and knowledge! How impossible it is for us to understand his decisions and his ways!

³⁴ For who can know the Lord’s thoughts?
    Who knows enough to give him advice?^[a]
35 And who has given him so much
    that he needs to pay it back?^[b]

³⁶ For everything comes from him and exists by his power and is intended for his glory. All glory to him forever! Amen.

We were still grieving and we were on hold from taking foster and adoptive placement calls, when one day I opened up my Facebook to read a message from a dear friend I had made through the connection with the 11 month old boy I mentioned earlier; the foster mom of the little boy we didn't get to adopt.  She said she knew it might not be the right time, but the situation was time sensitive so she was just going to throw it out there.  She had heard about two children legally free for adoption that she thought might be a good fit for our family.

At first my husband, Alan, said, "No way!"  We were still mourning.  I was still recovering physically.  So I thought about just saying we weren't interested.  In fact, I went to my Facebook and began a message.   But I didn't feel right saying no.  So, instead, we agreed to pray about it for a few days.

After a lot of prayer, a few phone calls, meeting the kids and having visits with them for a month, those two precious kiddos moved in with us in March.  Legal adoption day is quickly approaching.

Through this adoption process God has asked me over and over to surrender.  To relinquish control.  To stop trying to figure it out.  To trust Him.  To walk forward in faith, faithfully.  It hasn't always been easy.  But... 

God is good.  God is faithful.  We need to remain faithful to Him.  Surrendered.

Through all the ups and downs of life this past year, God was a work.  Even though I don't need to know all the "whys", God is good to give us little glimpses into His glory.  It helps us press forward in faith.  For instance, when things didn't work out with the then 11 month old boy, it just didn't make sense to me.  But it was through our connection with him that we met his foster mom who connected us with the two children we have now.  He's also in a very good place for him.  The LORD is good and faithful.  He is sovereign.  He provides.

Faith is something we talk a lot about.  But it's another thing to live it.  Faith is an action.  It's taking God at his Word.  It's remaining faithful, even when (especially when!) it doesn't make sense to us.  When we can't see.  Because even when it doesn't feel true, God is good and faithful.  And He's always up to something...so much more than we can even fathom, in fact.

I mess up a lot.  I want to control.  I want to know.  I'm not always faithful.  But God is!  I'm so thankful for His grace.  But I long to live a life more wholly surrendered to Him.  To trust Him more.  It's a process and a daily choice.  None of us know what tomorrow holds.  God does.  I must remember His faithfulness in the past...and keep moving forward.

Will you join me, friend?  

It's Okay Not to Be Okay

Is it?  Is it okay not to be okay?

 

I've spent so much of my life being "strong".  As a young girl I built up walls to protect myself from the feelings of grief and loss, fear and sadness I felt.  I decided I would no longer allow myself to cry; to me a sign of weakness.  I refused it.  And for years, I pushed back the tears, to the point where they just didn't come anymore.  I still felt things.  I just didn't often show it.  I put on a smile.  I was an extra good girl.  I was "fine" always.

I grew up in church.  I went to Christian school.  I knew all the right words and phrases.  I knew the right scripture verses.  I saw all the "perfect" people; how private they were and just how strong, and always okay, they were.  I learned how to be strong, or at least how to fake it.  Although no one ever said it, I learned by example you hide weakness and try to overcome it.  To look good, because we're suppose to be strong...and full of faith...always peaceful...full of joy...never wavering...and never weak.  At least that's what I learned.

Yes, scripture does teach us to look to Christ for strength and peace and joy in all circumstances and not to waver from our faith.   But that's not ALL scripture teaches us...

For everything there is a season,
    a time for every activity under heaven.
 A time to be born and a time to die.
    A time to plant and a time to harvest.
 A time to kill and a time to heal.
    A time to tear down and a time to build up.
A time to cry and a time to laugh.
    A time to grieve and a time to dance.

 Ecclesiastes 3:1-3

Really?  Did you catch that?  A time to cry.  A tie to laugh.  A time to grieve.  A time to dance.

It's not a sin to cry...or grieve.  It's not a sin to be sick, weary, downhearted, disappointed, angry or depressed either (check out David in the Psalms, my friends).  We do not have to feel guilty for it.  It's okay not to be okay all the time.  In fact, it is healthy to work through those normal, human feelings.  Yes, there will be a day when we will laugh again, there is a time for that too.  But that day doesn't have to be today.  Today we can cry on His shoulder because He understands.  Yes, Jesus, understands...

He was despised and rejected—
    a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief.
We turned our backs on him and looked the other way.
    He was despised, and we did not care.

 Yet it was our weaknesses he carried;
    it was our sorrows that weighed him down.

Isaiah 53:3-4

Paul asked the LORD to take his afflictions from Him, but...

Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in (your) weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.  That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.  
II Corinthians 12:9-11

 

If we are never weak, and honest about it, than how can God be shown strong in our lives?  If we're so dependent on our own strength how will we ever boast in His strength in us; how He works in our very real, broken lives?  How else can we learn just how sufficient His grace is for us?

 

Dare I say it?  It is in the times of sorrow, weakness and trial that we turn more fully to the One who is our true strength. It is in those times that we allow Him to do His work in us and realize our utter dependence on Him.  It is when we draw closer to Him...and we recognize just how close He is to us.

 

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted;
    he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.

Psalm 34:18

 

We should not despise this refining, sanctifying, maturing time.  Some Christians seem to think that if we were better Christians these trying times would not come or if we had stronger faith things would go well for us or that God promised us smooth sailing.  God did not promise us that hard times would not come.  He did promise us that He would walk through them with us, protecting us. 

 

Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you.
    I have called you by name; you are mine.
 When you go through deep waters,
    I will be with you.
When you go through rivers of difficulty,
    you will not drown.
When you walk through the fire of oppression,
    you will not be burned up;
    the flames will not consume you.
 For I am the Lord, your God,
    the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.

Isaiah 43: 1-3

 

What a beautiful promise!  Once we've walked through the difficulties of life, we can, in turn, comfort others with the same comfort we have received.  We become witnesses to His faithfulness.  Our faith is strengthened.  If we never experienced hardship, how could we relate or know how to comfort those hurting around us?

 

He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. 

II Corinthians 1:4

 

How can others be blessed if we're never honest enough about our weaknesses and pain to allow them to comfort us, to pray for us, to help as the hands and feet of Christ should?  It's a double blessing, for us and them.  What if we're so busy being strong and courageous that we make others feel as I felt, that being HUMAN is wrong?  We live in a fallen world where troubles come.  Life is not easy.  We need each other.  We are the body of Christ...

 

For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function,  so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.  We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach;  if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.

Romans 12:4-7

 

In recent years I have been humbled time and time again.  Hard times and hard things have taken me to my knees in prayer.  .  I began to clearly see that walls I built around myself for protection were really a barrier.  Thankfully the LORD has opened my eyes to see my need for HIS strength...and the support of His people.  My definition and understanding of true strength has changed.  Those walls are slowly coming down, stone by stone.  I know I can't do it alone.  Sometimes I need help.  That's okay.  It's okay to cry.  It's okay to be weak and vulnerable, to be REAL.  It's okay to allow others in.  It's okay to not be okay all the time, not fully anyway. 

 

It's in Him and His people that I find comfort and hope.  And it's in the hard times that I have matured the most.  I have seen the goodness of the LORD.

 

No matter what you or I are going through...

 

There will be a day when we will see the good He promised to us in all of this, in everything (Romans 8:28). 

There will be a day when we feel strong again (Philippians 4:13). 

Even in the midst of this we can find joy and thankfulness in knowing HE is near (Psalm 145:18).  

He is our hope (Psalm 33:20). 

He will turn our tears to gladness (Psalm 30:11). 

We will be okay...as long as we keep turning to Him. 

 

But it's okay not to be totally okay today...

Just keep going to the One who heals and allow Him to bind your wounds.

(Psalm 147:3)

Joy will come in the morning!

 

 

This song by Jason Gray has recently ministered to my soul.  Take the time to listen...and be blessed.

 

 

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me,

for the Lord has anointed me

to bring good news to the poor.

He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted

and to proclaim that captives will be released

and prisoners will be freed.

He has sent me to tell those who mourn

that the time of the Lord’s favor has come,

and with it, the day of God’s anger against their enemies.

To all who mourn in Israel,

he will give a crown of beauty for ashes,

a joyous blessing instead of mourning,

festive praise instead of despair.

In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks

that the Lord has planted for his own glory.

Isaiah 61:1-3

 

God is Sovereign. I am Grateful

Life happens. We live in a fallen, imperfect world. Struggles are part of it. Because it's unpredictable, it can seem scary to us at times; even frustrating.  We can't control it. We don't see the big picture...or even the small one sometimes.

Several loved ones struggling hard. A friend who lost her dad to cancer. Another friend walking through infertility. Others killed in their prime. Another friend walking through the devastation of divorce. Others hospitalized. So many lost and hurting. My own neck pain and upcoming surgery...just as we finish our foster care classes. 

Why God? Where are you in all of this mess?  What are you doing?

But God is Sovereign. 

Definition: Sovereignty means that God, as the ruler of the Universe, has the right to do whatever he wants. Further, he is in complete control over everything that happens.

I am so grateful to know this.

When we're thinking clearly, with a proper perspective (as my Pastor has been teaching), we will know what seems bad, downright lousy, completely devastating and out of  our control will turn out for good because HE is good.  HE is in control!  We can trust Him...even when we don't see it. Even when we don't feel it. Even when our prayers are not answered the way we think they should be.  Believing this requires us to put faith into action; to take God at His Word.

What seems adverse will advance THE agenda (as my Pastor also taught), God's agenda.  He has a plan. And that plan includes the spreading of the Gospel...through me, through you.  How we react will determine how He is glorified.  How much we lean on Him will determine how much He is able to strengthen and comfort us in all of our afflictions. He is able. He is willing. We must turn to Him and truly trust Him.

I'm praying that through our Seemingly Adverse Affairs (my Pastor's words, not mine) that our LORD will enable and strengthen us, me and you, to cooperate with Him in THE agenda, His agenda. And that our faith will rest in Him, the Faithful One.

I am so grateful to know He is Sovereign!

Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. Glory to him in the church and in Christ Jesus through all generations forever and ever! Amen.  Ephesians 3:20-21

 

 

I am participating in 5 Minute Friday with Lisa-Jo Baker.

Click on the 5 Minute Friday icon above to see what others wrote about today's word: GRATEFUL

His Eye Is On Me

Over the past few years I have dealt with numerous health issues.  It's not like I have cancer, but it's been a bunch of "small" stuff, one thing after another, for so long that I barely remember what it's like to feel well anymore.  Honestly, I get so weary with it.  Like most women my age I have a lot of irons in the fire, a lot of responsibilities and calls on my life.  I don't have time to be sick.  So all of this frustrates me.  And, well, it's just no fun feeling bad almost all the time.

I'm not a complainer.   I don't sit around.  On the contrary, I'm quite active.  I don't moan and groan or pout (most of the time).  I'm actually quite spirited and upbeat.  And so I know others have no idea (or at least little idea) how bad I feel most days.

I detest pity, so know I don't write this to gain your sympathy.  No, I write this because I wonder if there are others who have felt the frustration I've felt, and continue to feel.  I wonder if others know where hope is found when life is hard...and things aren't going as you planned...and you just don't feel good, day after day.

NOTE: This is going to get long.  Please stick with me.  I promise it isn't a pity party.  And I think you will be glad you stuck around for the end of this post.  :)

Throughout the night on Saturday, I lied awake until 5:00 am.  In pain.  Tired.  Weary.  Again.  The next morning I watched  as my family took off to church without me (a rarity).  We had a very important graduation to attend that afternoon and two graduation parties that I didn't want to miss.  Yet the pain wasn't subsiding and the tiredness seemed overwhelming.    

I tried to pray.  But my prayers felt empty.  I felt discouraged.  Alone.  Weary and worn.  Tears came.  It isn't the first time I've felt this way.  But this time I had quiet time to talk to God, out loud.  I cried out to Him in frustration.  It wasn't some pretty, fluffy prayer.  It was a gut wrenching conversation.

Then I looked out the kitchen window to see my fine feathered friends, Boston orioles, hummingbirds and downy woodpeckers, all enjoying a drink from our little hummingbird feeder right outside our back door.  These birds have brought me so much enjoyment this spring.

In a way only God can speak to a heart, I heard His whisper, "My eye is on the sparrow."   My heart whispered back, "Yes, LORD, I know."  Tears came again.

What is the price of two sparrows--one copper coin? But not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it.  Matthew 10:29

He knows.  He knows just what's going on with me, inside and out, when no one else does...or understands...or even cares.  He knows.  He cares.  He understands.  Nothing happens apart from his will.  And He promises to work all things together for good for those who love Him. (Romans 8:28)

What hope!  Even when I don't understand, I can trust Him, knowing He has my best in mind.  He will never leave me nor forsake me. (Hebrews 13:5)  He will give me the strength I need. (Isaiah 41:10)

I began to sing "His Eye is on the Sparrow"...

Why should I feel discouraged,

Why should the shadows come,

Why should my heart be lonely

And long for Heav'n and home?

When Jesus is my portion,

My constant Friend is He:

His eye is on the sparrow,

And I know He cares for me;

His eye is on the sparrow,

And I know He watches me.

I felt good enough on Sunday afternoon to attend the graduation and the parties.  

On Monday morning, the neatest thing happened.  My husband came in the house with a hummingbird in his hand!

He found it in his grain shed.  It was cold and weak, near to death.

Our 6 year old scientist-in-training came up with the idea to make it a nest and put it under a lamp to get it warm. 

We gave it nectar (sugar water) with a medicine dropper.  It's eyes were closed and it was barely breathing.  But every once in a while it would get a drop of nectar. 

We watched as his breathing got heavier.

Here his eyes were still closed

Before long he opened his eyes.  He started rustling his feathers and turned his head side to side.  Then spread his wings! 

Suddenly, he began to fly around! 

He liked the fluorescent light above.  Once we turned it off he flew all around. 

Then perched on the ceiling fan. 

Then on the swag above the curtain.  Can you see him perched up there? :) 

We brought the hummingbird feeder in and stuck it on top of the refrigerator.  He went right to it and drank away.  In the picture above he was taking a break between drinks. 

He looks like an ornament perched up there, doesn't he?!  But he was as real as can be.

Later we released him and he flew off with (what we think was) his mate.

What a unique and tremendous experience this was for our family!!

God spoke to me again through the life of this little hummingbird.  His eye is on the hummingbird too!!

This time God used my husband, and his family, to save the life of one of His little creatures.  

How much more does He care for me, His beloved child.

He sees.  He knows.  He cares.
His eye is on me!

I sing because I'm happy, (I’m happy)

I sing because I'm free, (I’m free)

For His eye is on the sparrow,

And I know He watches me.

Don't lose heart, my friend.  He see you too!

I Won't Forget

I remember vividly. 

How could I ever forget? 

It's been almost a year

Since we lost our baby Faith. 

We heard her heartbeat,

But never held her tiny body. 

She went straight into the arms of Jesus. 

Is there a better place? 

Still we cried.

We longed to hold her,

To smell her baby scent,

To know our daughter.

 

Did she look like our boys? 

Would she have curls like her mommy?

Piercing blue eyes like daddy's? 

Would her giggle be infectious?

I imagine her perfect and beautiful,

No flaw or failure. 

And she is perfect,

Completely whole in Heaven. 

One day I will see her face to face. 

I will hold her tight.

I will kiss her cheek

And look into her eyes.

Until then, He holds her safely, lovingly,

Better than I ever could. 

I feel secure in that. 

My heart peace-filled.

 

Our baby Faith taught us so much about faith. 

What faith is and how to apply it.

Not because we're good,

But because He is!

Oh, to remember,

To really remember.

To praise Him for His goodness.

To put faith into practice.

We will trust even when we don't understand,

Which is most the time.

And that's okay because He is faithful and trustworthy.

He has good plans for us.

All His promises hold true.

There is purpose in the pain.

He holds her (and the two others) in Heaven.

He holds us here too.

Do I believe it?

I do believe.  Do you?

That's faith.

It fills a soul with hope.

Praising God today for both Faith and faith!

You might also want to read: How to Help the Hurting

He is faithful! (follow up from previous post)

Sometimes the only words that explain something are "He is faithful!" 

In my last post, I shared about some of the trials my family has faced this year.  The most recent one being a fractured leg for our little Noah (2 1/2).  I asked my blog friends to pray. 

 

Well, I need to give you an update. Yesterday we took Noah back to the doctor for more x-rays.  Guess what they found.  He is all better!!  No fracture.  Although his leg was a bit stiff (from not using it for 10 days), he was able to walk.  Like me, all the nurses in the nurses station held their breath and let out a gasp as they saw him walk stiffly from the doctor's office to the sticker station.  He left there without a splint or cast.  Amazing!

 

There's really only one explanation for it...God's healing hand!  The doctor couldn't explain it.  And I have to admit, although I had prayed for it to happen, I was so surprised (God never ceases to amaze me!).  My heart flooded with joy and praise to the Faithful One. 

 

"Give thanks to the LORD, for He is good!  His faithful love endures forever."

Psalm 118:1

 

I spent the rest of the day watching with delight as my little boy enjoyed walking and even running around the house along with his big brother.  Both of them giggling.  Admittedly this is something I most often took for granted before.  My heart rejoiced for all that we have...life, health, joy...the list goes on and on.

   

I realize that God doesn't always answer prayers this way. This time He did.  He is faithful no matter how He answers.  He deserves our praise for all He has done and all He has given.  Every good thing comes from Him.  And He helps us through the hard times. 

 

God answered our prayers.  He continues to show Himself faithful.  ALL praise, glory, honor and thanks to Him!  His faithful love endures forever!

 

P.S. Thank you to those of you prayed!  I pray this increases your faith and strengthen your prayer life. 

Faithful in the Hard Times

Sometimes you wonder why trials seem to come "all at once"...

This has been quite a year for me and my family.  Starting last December with an ER visit for stitches for our oldest and gluten intolerance tests that lead to 7 months of a gluten free diet for my youngest, to my husband's ER visit and appendectomy in January, to my Dad's brain tumor diagnosis in February, to my miscarriage and d&c in March...STICK WITH ME HERE...this is not a pity party.  Just stating some facts so you know where I'm coming from....Then, there was my Dad's surgery and a few trips to a fertility specialist (since we'd had 3 miscarriages) to get meds that ended up making me sick.  After that another ER visit in July, this time for me...I had an unidentified infection that made me very sick.  All of this in the midst of the worst drought our farm has seen in over 20 years.  Last month (September) I got very sick, and ended up having my gallbladder removed.  

Now it's October.  What is it this month?  Well, it's a fractured leg for my 2 1/2 year old.  Goodness gracious!! 



As you can see, he's in good spirits.  Poor little fella!

It was such a simple thing, I stopped the swing, he hopped off, grabbed his leg and said, "Oww! Leg hurt me."  I thought he was fine, but later that evening he couldn't bear any weight on it.  I felt terrible...and still do!!

This brings with it more complications than just a splint on his leg (although that's hard enough)...like Mommy (me) needing to carry him (35 lbs of solid boy) everywhere...while still under weight restriction after surgery.  Active little boys should be able to run, play and ride trikes.  We've had to be creative to find ways to keep him busy, without being up.

You know, after a while, you really do start to wonder why so many trials come "all at once".
 
Today I found solace in I Peter 1.  Verse 6 says, So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while.

I'll admit some days it is hard, but I remind myself that I must keep eternal perspective.  This life is but a vapor.  This world is a fallen, imperfect place where "stuff" happens...and sometimes those things happen all at once.  This place is not my home.  Something better is coming.

These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold -though your faith is far more precious than mere gold.  So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world. (vs 7)

The question is, is my faith genuine?  It's easy to say we have faith, but what about when the hard times come.  Faith is taking God at His Word. 

He says He has good plans for us (Jer 29:11). 
He says He works all things together for good for those who love Him (Rom 8:28).
He says that if we trust Him and seek Him, He will direct our paths (Prov 3:5).
He says He is faithful and will do what He says (I Thess 5:24).

Do I believe it?

You love Him even though you have never seen Him. Though you do not see Him now, you trust Him; and you rejoice with a glorious, inexpressible joy. The reward for trusting Him will be the salvation of your souls. (vs 8-9)

Oh, I believe...Lord, help my unbelief (Mark 9:24).  Although I have never seen Him, I have seen Him.  He has proved Himself faithful time and time again.  Yet, I long to know Him more.  To trust Him more whole-heartedly, undivided and unwaveringly.  Yes, I love Him.  I know He loves me.  So, I choose to walk in faith.  I know that often circumstances are not what they seem on the surface.  I believe He will see us through this fire...and whatever lies ahead!  And, I believe, afterward, we will have a deeper level of trust in the One who made us (I'm praying this for my husband too). 

"When you are in the midst of your trials, your Lord will reveal His character to you in ways you never knew. You will experience His strong and comforting presence. Like Job, you will learn that your Lord will remain, even when everyone else abandons you. You will see God more clearly as He takes you through the dark times. Then you will experience God in ways you had previously only heard about from others." ~ Experiencing God Day By Day ~ Blackaby

As I choose to trust and lean in on Him for strength and hope through the craziness, He reveals Himself to me in new ways.  I praise Him for all that's going well...and it's a lot really.  Truly we are blessed!  When I remember to see, I rejoice with a "glorious, inexpressible joy".  When I practice faith I am filled with the peace that passes all comprehension.  God is good...all the time! 

When this year has ended, I pray I remember how faithful He was, especially on those days when this life's unavoidable trials come again.  Then, I pray that, one day, when I stand before Him, He will find that I also was faithful!

This is not only true for me, readers.  This is true for you.  No matter what you're going through you can choose to trust Him through it.  He promised He would go with you (Is 43:2), that He would never leave nor forsake you (Heb 13:5).  Will you take Him at His Word?  Choose to see all of life's blessings and praise Him today.

P.S. Friends, will you please pray for my little Noah as he goes back to the doctor on Monday for additional x-rays?  The x-rays will show how bad the fracture is or is not and the doctor will decide whether he needs a cast or not.  I appreciate faith filled prayers more than you know! :)

Compelled ~ ReNEWed Life '12

Have you ever had something so big happen in your life that you have a hard time summing it up? I have…yet again. Too often I get caught up in writing the “perfect” words, in telling it all. Today, I’m going to be easy on myself, and simply write what I have on my heart. What better?

Last Saturday, August 11^th I was at ReNEWed Life Women’s Event. If you missed my last post, this is a little of what I wrote about it beforehand:

Just a few months ago, this event didn’t exist and, as far as I know, nothing like it has ever taken place in our small community. My friend, Jill, and I had helped organize a big women’s retreat in a larger town an hour and a half from home for a few years. Although it was such a blessing, at different times, each of us had felt God leading us to step off that leadership team. One day afterwards, we discussed a prompting in our hearts to “do something” more for the women right here in our rural community...As we prayed about it, the Lord clearly opened doors for National Speaker and Author Lisa Whittle to come to our rural area, small town Cresco, Iowa.

I’m leaving out many details and many displays of God’s faithfulness…I can hardly wait to watch Him display His glory (again) next Saturday at this women’s event that two farmer’s wives and others in rural Iowa envisioned at His prompting! And we will give Him all the praise and glory!

The ReNEWed Life Leadership Team with guest speaker,

Lisa Whittle: Kim, Teresa, Lisa, Jill, Rachel (me)

What a blessed day it was, from small details to big! His presence was strong and sweet. The words He spoke through Lisa Whittle were powerful. He also spoke through the two local gals who shared their testimonies. The worship music was harmonious. In fact, I still can’t get the song “10,00 Reasons (Bless the Lord)” out of my head. He even ministered to us through the food and décor.  He showed up, answered prayers and did His work, as I knew He would.

I have found myself in tears of rejoicing several times since. I am thankful that we were obedient and did the work He called us to. That we chose to step out in faith. We are beneficiaries. HE is exalted!

The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it.

I Thessalonians 5:24   

The joy of being part of something like this goes way beyond that one day. In the preparation and praying beforehand He displays His greatness. We realize that we can not exhaust His resources and the things that He does through us are so beyond our abilities without Him. We get to praise Him for all the things that the one attending never gets to see, His sanctification starts in us. Although it’s work, it’s the greatest joy to have a “behind the scenes” view, to see and bask in His glory! Afterwards, I stand in awe of all that just happened…in small town Cresco, Iowa!

The night before the event, we got to meet and sit down with the speaker, Lisa Whittle, someone I’ve respected through her blog and books. And, yet, I wondered would her words match her life? Turns out she is an absolute gem, someone who ministers to your heart both with and without words. Down to earth, personable, authentic, Christ driven. 

That night, we followed Lisa to a local rehab where she spoke. A foretaste of what was to come at ReNEWed. That night and the next, the words God spoke through her pierced my soul, left my heart aching in a good way. The words caused me to think deeper. They stuck with me beyond that day and God began to change me (again) from the inside out. He's still doing it, days later.

Before she left, she asked if the day met my expectations. I stumbled over my words, but the answer was "Yes!" You see, we did all of this preparing to minister to women in our community, to impact lives with the Truth. Turns out, I’m one of those women.

Lisa encouraged me to keep on, in a way that is rare. Then, she wrote in my copy of her book {w}hole to keep being brave. I thought she was the bold one, now she calls me brave? I felt the boldness rise up in me even more. I need to be, want to be, must be brave! She leads by her example.

I have several things from the event that I want to share with you, my blog friends. Instead of trying to cram it all in one post, I hope to spread it out over several. My first series! :)

Lisa Whittle spoke to us about Holes and the God who makes us Whole. I want to share how God spoke to me through each message. And, yet, today for my first post about ReNEWed Life Women’s Event ‘12, I feel compelled to write about this (to be honest, it kind of surprised me):

After Lisa’s last message, she shared with us about Compassion International, a Christian child advocacy ministry. She said something that spoke to me in more ways than one, God wants compelled believers, not just ones that are stirred. You can be stirred and never do a thing, we must be compelled to step out (this applies to so many things in our Christian lives...including starting women's conferences). She said we need to open our eyes to the things going on in this world.

The words of the Casting Crowns song instantly started ringing through my head, “Break our hearts for what breaks yours”. The truth is, it’s easier to live blind. I realize children wait in orphanages, ravaged with fear, head lice and disease, bellies empty and hearts hollow when they lay their head down at night. Other children get sold into sex trafficking and their little bodies are sold over and over, day after day. Some suffer in war-torn countries, barefoot, thirsty, hopeless…with no one to tell them where real hope is found. Others live right under my nose who mock His name with their words and actions. Does it break my hear, really?  What am I doing about it? What should I be doing? 

I already sponsor a child through a different organization. How often do I even remember to pray for her? Am I so busy building my happy, plush lifestyle that I forget how others suffer...how blessed I am...how spoiled really? That this life is not about me. I pour money into new furniture, paint, landscaping, yet another toy for my children who have an ample supply. Never thinking of the one without…or to give thanks to the Giver who supplies all of it, or at least not nearly enough.

It’s easy to get stirred up about these things at a women’s conference. How compelled am I? Enough to do something, something that might cost me something or push me beyond my comfort? Do I truly want to be His hands and feet? Not only to throw a little money at it, but to do the Jesus work, even when it's hard and not so glamorous?  

Break my heart for what breaks yours, Lord. Compel me to help. Then, make me brave enough to follow through.

“Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this:

to look after orphans and widows in their distress and

to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.”

James 1:27

Next time: what God showed me about facing my truth through Lisa’s message “Wholeness Starts in the Heart”.  

Until then, live compelled, be brave and do the work!

I Love You More

Have you ever read the little book “Guess How Much I Love You” by Sam McBratney? Such a cute book. Little Nutbrown Hare wants to show his daddy just how much he loves him…as high as he can reach, as high as he can hop, as far as he can see. But, no matter how far his love reaches, his daddy tell him that he loves him further…reaching further, hopping higher and seeing beyond what he does. It soon becomes clear that our love is hard to measure. It’s a great book to share with the special children in your life

Sometimes I’m like Little Nutbrown Hare, I want to show my Father just how much I love Him…I reach as far as I can, do more, strive harder. But, no matter how far my love reaches, my Father tells me that He loves me more! He sees further and loves more perfectly than me.

This morning I wrote in my journal, “Oh Lord, I want more of You.” As soon as I wrote it something stirred within me. I walked away for a moment to care for one of my little ones. When I returned, I reread what I wrote…and realized what was wrong with this very “holy sounding” statement. I wrote, “Wait a minute, I already HAVE all of You!” It’s ME who has to submit all of myself to Him!

Jesus gave His life for me, what more could He give?

He chose me, I didn’t choose Him. (John 15:16)

I love Him because He first loved me. (I John 4:19)

I can never out-give, out-do or out-love Him!

It’s not about how high I can reach or how much I do. He loves me because I am His…and I love Him because He is mine! He’s given me all of Himself, all of His love. And I want to return His affection.

His love doesn’t give me the right to do whatever I want.  This also doesn’t mean I should sit back and do nothing to further His kingdom. It simply means that:

He love me…

all the time…

no matter what…

always and forever.

And everything that He has is mine!

It’s not about what I do, but who I am…HIS!

Today I needed this reminder. Thought someone else might too.

“All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ. Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by brining us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure. So we praise God for the glorious grace he has poured out on us who belong to his dear Son. He is so rich in kindness and grace that he purchased our freedom with the blood of his Son and forgave our sins. He has showered his kindness on us, along with all wisdom and understanding.” Ephesians 1:3-8

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Cleaning Up

Being the mom of two young boys, I clean up a lot of messes.

Noah is in this stage, at nearly 10 months old, of flinging food from his highchair tray. He seems to take joy in seeing how far he can make it fly. He giggles and I clean up.

Some of you may remember writing about one of those messy days back in May, when I shared about Andrew writing on our light tan carpet with one of “the most washable markers in the world”. Yeah, not so much. That was a whale of a mess. A stain is still there.

On an average day at our house there is finger paint smeared, formula dribbled, and toilets misaimed (boys!). There is food dropped and bath water spilled. There are fingerprints on windows, mirrors and furniture. There are toys scattered about. There are runny noses and dirty bottoms to wipe. Not to mention all the laundry and dishes that never seem to end. Oh, and most recently, toilet paper rolls unrolled (over and over).

                                                                   

Thanks Noah. :) 

Hey, it’s all just part of having children.

BUT I’ve come to learn that it’s better when I “stay on top of things”. It’s best if I clean up the juice on the linoleum (or the marker on the carpet) right away rather than wait until it’s a dried up sticky mess.

Most messes can be cleaned up rather easily, if they’re dealt with right away. If I don’t let me guard down and keep on top of it, the house won’t end up in shambles. Nor will it be as overwhelming to clean a little at a time, as if it would be if I left all of it for later.

You know, sin is kind of like that too. I’m starting to learn that when I stay on top of things, confessing sin as soon as conviction comes, I’m much better off. They call this keeping “short sin accounts”…in other words, giving account to God for our sin as quickly as we recognize it as sin. This means dealing with it “head on”. Confessing and forsaking (turning away from) our sin as the Spirit convicts our heart.

Our sins can be dealt with more easily when they’re not allowed to take root. If I keep on top of things, confessing and forsaking my sin as the Spirit convicts, I probably won’t end up with a life in shambles. Nor will it be as overwhelming as dealing with all of them at once later. It could save us from some “sticky” messes.

Oh, and even if our sin caused a whale of a mess (like Andrew’s marker on my carpet), NO MESS is too big for God to clean up! Confess and forsake. He will forgive and forget. His blood cleanses us whiter than snow.  No stains!


Remember repentance is not a one time thing, it’s an ongoing process. We, as Christians, need to recognize sin in our lives as it comes. Confess and forsake. Keep things clean, friends.

But if we confess our sins to Him, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness (or unrighteousness).

I John 1:9

Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.

Psalm 51:7

Do you have sin that needs to be dealt with today, friend?

If you've never repented, admitting your sin and your need for a Savior to cleanse you, this is the day for that too! Read the scriptures above.  He is faithful to forgive and cleanse us from ALL sin!  All you have to do is ask!  That's the BEST kind of cleaning up!  :)  And remember there's no mess too big for Him to clean!

Praise the Giver

There’s a lot of thankfulness going around this time of year. Yep, it’s Thanksgiving. The one day we dedicate to being thankful…when really we should dedicate every day of the year to it. Many retailers choose to skip right over Thanksgiving to concentrate on the “bigger” holiday, Christmas. I don’t like that. I’ve always liked Thanksgiving. I like concentrating on thankfulness and as a girl who’s love language is “words of affirmation”, I like hearing thank you as well.

When I was growing up, I loved Thanksgiving. We’d get together for a family meal with all the fixings…turkey, potatoes, cranberry salad, yeast rolls, pumpkin pie and about 15 other dishes (give or take a few). Then, came the most coveted persimmon pudding, my mom’s signature recipe. A favorite for each of us four siblings.

One year I remember it was unseasonably warm in Indiana, so we were enjoying our dessert outside. All of a sudden I felt something crawling up my dress. I felt “it” crawling up my chest. Out of impulse, I took the paper plate full of food that was in my hand, brought it to my chest and…I squashed the spider, but I squashed my persimmon pudding too! That stuff’s so good I ate it anyway!!  :)

Like I said, I loved Thanksgiving as a young girl. Still, there were years when I was in my early twenties that I didn’t appreciate the holiday much. Although I liked getting together with family and stuffing my face (hee hee), my heart wasn’t very set on the significance of the holiday. It just seemed like a good day to indulge on food…even more than we normally did.

Several Thanksgiving Days went by without much affect on me. I kept a gratitude journal throughout the year (a wonderful gift from a friend) and I had heard Oprah (ugh!) talk about the importance of being a grateful person…how greatly it would affect my attitude and that of those around me. I was trying too “stay positive”. Still, something was missing.

Who was I thanking? Where was all that gratitude going? A person can be thankful ‘til they’re blue in the face and still be empty, sad and searching for the meaning of it all. I know because that’s where I was!

“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning.” James 1:17

Every good gift is from God! He is constant and doesn’t change. I’ve heard people say…and I’ve even said it myself, “The only thing that stays the same is that everything changes.” BUT, it’s not true…one thing doesn’t change, God doesn’t change. He’s the only thing that is constant, certain and unchanging in this life. What a great reason to praise Him!

My pastor shared a quote with us a few weeks ago, “Praise the Giver, not the gift.” I’m glad so many are thankful. It’s nice that so many are expressing gratitude for all they have in this life. Yet, I’m often left wondering Who are they thanking? Where is that gratitude going? Do they recognize the Giver, and not just the gifts?

I give you thank, O LORD, with all my heart. I will sing praises before the gods. I bow before your holy Temple as I worship. I praise your name for your unfailing love and faithfulness; for your promises are backed by all the honor of your name. Psalm 138:1-3

Even when things aren’t going so well (yep, had a few of those years too…and we all have our problems in life), do we recognize the Giver of unfailing love and faithfulness? There is always something to praise Him for! He will never leave you, nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5). He will always love you unfailingly and will be faithful, no matter what! His promises prove true and are backed by the honor of His name.

Henry Blackaby wrote, “Regardless of how bleak your present circumstances are, do not lose hope. No one has ever experienced unfaithfulness of God’s part! Allow time for God to reveal His faithfulness to you. Someday you will reflect on what God has done and praise Him for His absolute faithfulness to you.” Amen!

This Thanksgiving I'm going to praise the Giver!! How about you?!  Let's praise Him...not just for what He’s given to us, but for Who He is…a faithful, loving Father who’s promises hold true. The best way to truly “stay positive” is to look to the Giver of hope! Then, we can praise the Giver for the gifts He has given too! All of us have things to be thankful for, if only we are aware.

Oh, and if you ask me, if we would take more time for some “thanks-giving” (and not try to skip over it), Christmas would probably be a lot better celebration for more of us too.   :)