Last...
I look at his sweet, 3 year old face and I wonder, "Will he be the last?" My Noah. He is my little one. The one others say looks like me. The affectionate, compassionate, tender-hearted, very expressive little one. He melts my heart and makes me smile.
My oldest has his own special traits. Andrew is hard working, deep thinking, inquisitive, daring and a detail oriented leader (even at 6). He loves quality time with mom (which I love too!). But, his ability to freely and sincerely offer words of encouragement is one of the things I love about him most.
Both of them incredibly bright, talkative and full of energy. Each of them a unique and special individual.
I wonder what our three babies in Heaven would have been like blended into our family.
Sometimes with a bit of sadness I wonder, "Will he be the last?" I'm open to what God has for us. Another child or not. Another pregnancy, adoption or foster care. Something else? Still, I grieve what could have been. What I thought was a perfect plan.
As I cuddle my two growing babies, both last and first, I praise God for what He's given and I cherish them. Trusting that He gives what's best. Knowing I'm never His last priority, rather His first choice. So I surrender my ideas, in faith believing His plan is the perfect one...even when I don't understand all of it. Even when I have no idea what that plan will look like in the days ahead.
Today as I wonder about my future as a mom, I, one more time, but probably not for the last time, lift up my hands and let go to the One I trust. Whether Noah is my last child or not, I anxiously anticipate what God has for me next.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
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Rachel, I so relate to this. My littlest is 20 months today and I keep looking at him, thinking "you just can't be my last!" :) Hopefully not. But as you said, I'm trying to just trust in God's timing and provision.
ReplyDeleteKeep on trusting, bless you.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing about your sweet boys. It is so wonderful that we can rest in God trusting him with our future and the future of our families. Have a wonderful weekend!
ReplyDeleteHUGS!!! I remember feeling that when I gave birth to Moses. My last..... It is a different kind of last. My last baby with my beloved. And there is a sadness, but as these boys grow and look more like their dad. AS we talk about life, they are becoming some of my best friends. And I too look and anticipate what the LORD is going to do NEXT. With them and with me.
ReplyDeleteWe will always wonder, dream, and long for our babies in heaven. Thank God we will meet them someday. And God can show us why it was His perfect plan to have our lives the way they are.
Hugs and prayers as we step forward into what is next:)
Thank you for sharing this. Your faith is an encouragement to others.
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