Perfect Gift

It's Christmas Eve, friends. Here in Beranville we're preparing like I know so many others are doing. Wrapping those last minute presents, preparing one last Christmas treat and making a meal, giving attention to all those details that will make Christmas morning "just perfect" for our little son. I feel a sense of calm today. Yet, I must admit that, that hasn't always been so throughout this month of December.

 

Two weeks ago when I went on a big Christmas shopping trip (every shopping trip around here has to be BIG and planned well since it's a one hour drive each way!) I felt such tension that I wanted to "blow." Suddenly the pressures of being the mom, the wife, the daughter, etc who wanted to make Christmas "just perfect" for all of my loved ones began to mount!

 

I continuously prayed as I shopped asking the Lord to help me to remember WHY we celebrate Christmas and to help me keep my focus on the right things. Still, it seemed that my focus kept swaying more and more towards all the things on my to do list and less and less on the birth of Jesus Christ. More and more towards the materialistic things that I need to buy and less and less on the eternally important things.

 

Then, something happened...I decided to go through Culver's drive-thru for a bite to eat (this prego girl needed nurishment!). I ordered my food and pulled around to pay. Nothing unusual! When I was finished paying, I began to pull ahead to wait for my food when I felt something rise up in my spirit. I didn't hear an audible voice, but I knew what I heard and felt was from the Lord. He said, "Give him something." I knew immediately that "he" was the person who would deliver my food to my car. I hadn't seen anyone bring any food out yet, but I knew it was going to be a guy. I thought, "Huh? What am I suppose to give him?" Then, I remembered a Bible tract that was in a side pocket of my purse. The same one that I had been carrying around with me for quite some time, yet never even thought about giving to anyone.

 

"Oh Lord, surely you aren't really telling me to do this! I don't want to. It makes me nerveous. How do I know this is really You relling me to do this?" Yet, I knew deep down that I never would have thought of this one on my own. It took me completely out of my comfort zone. Then, He spoke again, "Give him some money too." I thought, "Whoa! Alan (my husband) won't like that." He's a very frugal guy and... but God didn't back down. Again, I felt, "Give him some money." I pulled a bill out of my wallet and wrapped it around the tract. I held it in my lap. This probably sounds stupid, but my heart was beating out of my chest! I honestly told God, "You better make him come out here quick or I'm not going to do it." Then, I put them both back into my purse.

 

I think much of my hesitation stems from working in the food service industry for so many years. I remember when other servers (waiters/waitresses) would find a tract on their table they would often make fun of the person who left it. Sometimes it made them angry...especially if the person leaving it didn't leave an appropriate tip. It turned me off to handing out tracts and other religious material because I believed it was often received negatively. Sharing the Lord with others in this way made me uncomfortable. I didn't want to "turn people off" to Christ.

Yet, in this situation I felt it was the Lord telling me to do it. I kept talking to Him, "Lord, I don't know why I care about what this guy thinks about me. I don't know him and the chances of me ever seeing him again are slim. Why am I more concerned about what he thinks of me than I am with what You think of me?! Why am I more concerned with my comfort than I am with this guys salvation? Why don't I want to share You with him? How can I work in ministry if I can't witness to people in everyday life? I DO want to share the true spirit of Christmas with others. Why am I so hesitant?" I felt such conviction!

 

I pulled the tract and money back out of my purse. I waited only a few minutes before I saw him heading towards my car...a young man in his early 20s. He handed me my food. I handed him the tract and money. I said, "This is for you. Merry Christmas!" He said with a big smile on his face, "Oh wow, thank you. Thank you!" I pulled away happily knowing that I had done what the Lord had asked of me (and it really wasn't all that hard!). I felt peace and satisfaction!

 

Why did He tell me to do this? Well, I'm guessing that this young man needed this at this time in his life. Perhaps God would use this event to impact his life. Maybe it was just a little seed being planted in the soil of his heart. Maybe he is already a Christian, but God was using this to show him His love...and provision. I'll probably never know how it affected this young man.

 

What I do know is how it affected me. I believe God was just testing my obedience...and reminding me of what is really important. He wanted to help me grow in my faith, trust and obedience. He wanted to remind me that my whole purpose of being here is to share Him with others. That's why He came...to give us life! Once we receive this new life filled with the hope and peace only He can give, it's not ours to "hoard" for ourselves. He wants us to share it with others! I knew that God had heard my earlier prayers to help keep my focus on what was really important and answered in a way I hadn't expected.

 

I'm glad that God spoke to me that day. I'm glad that I heard Him despite the clutter of my mind and anxiety in my spirit over finding the "perfect" Christmas gifts. I'm glad I obeyed. I know that I would have felt a lot differently if I would have pulled away from there without giving that young man the tract and money. I know that if I would have chosen to stay in my "comfort zone" I would have missed out on a blessing! I would have missed out on the real meaning of Christmas...HE GAVE US THE PERFECT GIFT for Christmas!! Now, He wants me to share that gift with others. That means I have to listen to Him, trust Him and obey Him!

 

It's easy in the hussle and bussle of Christmas planning to miss out on all the blessings and joy of the season! I pray that each of us will stay focused on Him, the perfect gift, at Christmas-time and throughout the year!

Winter Attitude

Last week a blizzard visited us here in Northeastern Iowa. Along with it came 10 to 12 inches of snow, bitter cold and 40mph winds. It was a true blizzard with white-out conditions on the roads and major highways being closed due to unsafe travel conditions. Citizens were encouraged to stay in and stay put if at all possible. The picture below doesn’t adequately show the severity of the storm…you can’t see the 40mph winds blowing the snow into drifts, but you get the point.

 

 

As usual I heard a lot of complaining about the weather.

Let me be the first to tell ya, I have never been a fan of winter. I never thought I would move north (from Indiana to Iowa). I always dreamed of moving south. I’ve always disliked cold, snow and ice. I’ve always disliked bundling up in coats, mittens, scarves and especially hats. Stocking hats are this curly haired girls enemy! I prefer summer when the weather is warm, sunny and flip-flops get thrown on…or I can go bare footed. I like green grass and blooming flowers. I like tan lines (although I’m so pale that I barely tan) and tank tops.

Although I have a lot of areas to work on when it comes to my attitude, the last couple of years, I have decided to try to make the best of this season we call winter. It may not be my favorite season, but it is a good long (especially long up here in Iowa) portion of my life each year. And honestly I have a good life…one that I know is blessed by the Lord. So, instead of grumbling I have made an effort to stay positive throughout the winter.

I Thessalonians 5:18 instructs us to “Be thankful in all things.” Does this mean I have to be thankful FOR all things? Nope. But this does mean that I should be thankful IN all things. Even winter!

No matter what the weather is doing outside, I know that it is cozy and warm here in my heart and in my home. I can choose to count how many MORE weeks of winter I have to “get through” or focus on how MANY weeks I have already been given...and been blessed.

I can choose to see the beauty in all that white snow on the ground, the snow capped trees and icicles hanging from the barn eaves instead of focusing on the gray sky.

I can choose to look at the winter through the eyes of my child who is thrilled to make snow angels, forts and snowmen instead of focusing on my cold toes and nose when I‘m outside with him. I can be the mom who makes hot cocoa and buttery popcorn to warm up my guys when they come in from sledding instead of focusing on the wet clothes they bring back in with them. It’s really all about ATTITUDE.

Andrew doesn't even mind shoveling snow. :)

But sledding is fun too...

And who can resist homemade hot cocoa afterwards?

I can choose to make the best of winter or I can grumble and complain. Either way, it’s still winter! Either way it will still be cold, snowy, icey and windy and most days the skies will be gray. I might as well go into it with a good attitude...enjoying "blue skies" in my spirit!

 

Even in the bitter cold we found a way for our little Andrew to have fun in the snow. Last week when the wind chill was 25 below zero and Andrew was “dying” to get out to play in all that fresh snow…we filled the bathtub up with snow. We put on his winter boots and gloves and brought in some sandbox toys.

He had a blast! Just look at that smile...

The snow melted slowly.  He was able to move on to other things, then come back to it several times throughout the day.  By evening the snow had melted...and went down the drain.  Very little clean up involved.  Simple.  Fun.  He will never forget it.

Wish I could take credit for this idea, but it wasn’t mine. The mentor mom as MOPS, Teresa, gave me the idea and I believe she got it from her daughter. I thought it was a great idea…and so did Andrew!  See, you really can make the best of any situation! 

Will I have to do an attitude check several more times this winter? Most likely.  But I plan to choose joy over compaining this winter.  Will you join me?

Let's choose to look for the joy in the moment, friends. To focus on the blessings that surround each of us. To be thankful and praise the One who provided it! I bet we'll be a lot happier...and so will the people around us!!

How we praise God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms because we belong to Christ.

Ephesians 1:3

Have any fun winter activities we could try?  I'd love to hear!
How is your winter attitude?  Tell me about it.
Leave a comment below.

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Stay warm and thankful bloggy friends!

Attitude

Before my long trip back "home" to Indiana around Thanksgiving time, a dear, sweet friend of mine offered to lend me a CD set of hers called "21 Days: Your Journey to Enjoying Everyday Life" by Joyce Meyer. Wow! Like Joyce Meyer, dislike Joyce Meyer...think she's over the top or think she's spirit filled...either way you should listen to these CDs! I appreciate her straight-forward candor and practicality. The entire CD collection focuses on ATTITUDE.

Joyce says on day 9 (I listened to all 21 days three times now), "Our attitude has everything to do with the outcome of our life. Even though Jesus has provided a great life for every one of us, even though you're saved, if you have a bad attitude-you will miss what God has for you." I feel this is so true! I see myself and so many other Christians missing out on all God has for us because we're too busy grumbling and complaining about the few things in our lives that aren't as "perfect" as we think they should be. We're always waiting for that next "big thing" that's going to happen that will make us happy...all the while missing out on the simple joys of everyday life.

I consider myself a rather grateful person, a rather contented person...a person with a rather positive attitude (usually), but I have to admit that this series of teaching really "hit home." Negative attitudes can sneak up on us so subtly and permeate our lives. It is clear to me that even a wrong attitude in the seemingly small things, can hinder us from enjoying the blessings and fullness of everyday life. We must believe, trust and rejoice in the Lord in all things....and this takes a daily, conscience effort on our part. I'm working on being more consistent in this area! I want my countenance to show the hope, peace and joy I feel in the Lord!

I haven't returned my friend, Jaime's, CDs. I will return them soon with a great big thank you...and a set of my own on order. :) I highly recommend you get your own set too!

Is your attitude "in check" today? Are you thankful and content...even through the seemingly monotonous chores of everyday life? Are you grateful for all of your blessings? I know that life can bring along with it some tough situations, but each of us are blessed as well. Even through tough times, we can choose to have a good attitude (one of thankfulness) regardless of circumstances.

I Timothy 6:6 says, "Yet true religion with contentment is great wealth."

I Thessalonians 5:16-18 says, "Always be joyful. Keep on praying. No matter what happens, always be thankful, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus."

Philippians 4:4 says, "Rejoice in the Lord always; again I say rejoice."

Lord, I pray that I will be a light of Your Truth and blessing in this daily journey we call life. I pray that my countenance will show the hope, peace and joy that I feel as I walk daily in your presence. May I make the choice to have an attitude of gratitude even when it doesn't seem easy...remembering all of the blessings you have bestowed upon me and my family. Regardless of circumstances, You are a faithful and true companion. I can trust You and for that I am grateful! Help me to remember that You are enough. Help me to be content with what I have. Help me to recognize all of the blessings in my daily life. I don't want to miss out on the joy and fullness of life you have for me TODAY...in each and every moment. And Lord, I pray this also for all my blog friends! Amen.

Thankful for Trials?!

There are so many things to be thankful for this Thanksgiving season. There are some obvious things and some that are not so obvious perhaps.

Some things that I am thankful for that come to mind:

The man I know God gave to me, my dear husband, Alan. We have quite a love story (one that I need to share in more depth here on my blog!). A love story that was (and continues to be) undoubtedly written by God Himself! I am blessed!

My precious little son, Andrew. He is nearing 3 years of age. He's the brightest part of our days...joyful, fun, smart and spunky. Thankful for a healthy, growing, constantly learning and making me smile little boy! I often look at him and realize he is the son I always dreamed of!

The precious life that is growing in my womb at this very moment. It's hard to believe that in April we will welcome another little Beran into the world. It's amazing to feel the baby move and knowing that I am nurturing a life...my child's life. I can hardly wait to meet this little person and learn all about him/her! Could we be any more blessed?!!?

I could go on and on. I am so grateful for salvation and the opportunity for ministry this year!! I'm thankful for God's provision and excellence! I am also thankful for my home, our farm, a wonderful extended family (on both sides), dear friends, our wonderful church family, Bible and book studies and the freedom to attend them...the list goes on and on.

Yet, I have found myself focusing on something else this season...something else that I'm thankful for that may not be so obvious...TRIALS. You know, it's easy to be thankful and joyful when all is going right in our lives, but what about when things aren't going just as we planned? Are we thankful then? Not so easy, is it?! It takes a conscience effort on my part.

I Thessalonians 5:16-18 says, "Always be joyful. Keep on praying. No matter what happens, always be thankful, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus."

As thankful as I am for this pregnancy and the life that is growing in my womb, you know, I am just as thankful for the baby we lost to miscarriage in September 2008. It was a difficult time. I didn't understand why (and still don't fully understand), but I learned that I don't always have to understand. I learned so much about the LORD and his abundant provision during that time. Without that experience I don't think I would fully understand the hope and peace that only God can give!! It was so beyond me and my thinking. I felt such rest in his presence, knowing that He has a plan and that I can trust His plan for my life.

It was also reassuring to know that our baby was now in His presence (there's no better place to be) and that we will get to meet him/her there someday. Our faith and trust in Him increased. Our babies life was not in vain...it drew us into a closer, more intimate relationship with Christ as we chose to trust Him through this difficult loss. A child that I never got to hold taught me so much! Thank you, Lord, for my second chil d!

So, it may sound crazy, but I am thankful for trials...because anything that draws me closer to the LORD is a blessing!!

The LORD says, "I will rescue those who love me. I will protect those who trust in my name. When they call on me, I will answer; I will be with them in trouble. I will rescue them and honor them." Psalm 92:14-15

Praying for GRACE to continue to remember this as more difficult situations arise. I pray that I can praise Him through the uncertainty and hardships of this life (they are inevitable in this fallen world). That I can remember His faithfulness in past experiences to take me through the next trial. Though tears will come and I probably won't understand, I pray that I can rest in His presence knowing that He is in control and that I can TRUST Him through it all!! He will give me the strength I need...and teach me more about His faithful love!

It is good to give thanks to the Lord, to sing praises to the Most High. It is good to proclaim your unfailing love in the morning, your faithfulness in the evening.
Psalm 92:1-2

Being Still

I orginally posted this back on August 25, 2009. After I shared some random thoughts in my last post and included a little tid-bit on being still, I realized from the comments I received that it "resonated" with others and that I needed a refresher myself. So, I will post "Be Still" again. In the future I hope to share some of my thoughts on why I think it's often so hard for us to be still before the Lord.

Be Still:

One day last week my little son, Andrew, and I went on a long walk through the pasture and along the creek near our home. It was an overcast day; cool enough that we needed to wear our sweatshirts. It had rained that morning so the grass was still wet. I didn’t take my cell phone along. We weren’t on time schedule. I didn’t even have a watch to look at! We weren’t in a hurry.

Andrew gathered walking sticks for us and enjoyed finding rocks to throw in the creek. As we walked along together I found myself in awe of God’s creation. The lush, green grass and a variety of wildflowers growing randomly in the pasture; the rippling water of the creek flowing over the rocks of all shapes and sizes; colorful, fluttering butterflies and rays of sunlight peaking through the trees. Andrew enjoyed exploring every crook and cranny. I enjoyed pointing out the wildlife to him. We even came across a beaver dam.

The sweet silence of nature surrounded us…birds chirping, creek water rushing, the leaves of the trees rustling. My mind was quieted. Peace filled my heart. I found myself praising the LORD internally as I marveled at His creation. It felt as if His arms were wrapping around me. I was so aware of His presence. I was aware of how BIG he is and how small I am. It was a wonderful time of being quiet before the Lord.

I wish I could tell you that this is something I do often. Although I live in a very peaceful and beautiful place, more often then not I tend to miss it because of the clamoring of the world…and the clutter of my own mind. Long walks without a cell phone and without a time schedule don’t often fit into the busyness of my everyday life. Yet, after our walk this week, I found myself wishing that we did this more often!

Psalm 46:10a comes to mind:
Be still and know that I am God!

Be still! How hard that is sometimes…to turn off my brain and just be still. Be still…knowing that he is God. He is in control. He knows my every need. He loves me and wants the best for me. I can trust Him and His plan for my life. He is God…and I am not!

Psalm 46:11a goes on to say:
The Lord almighty is here among us.

Be still! Stop worrying. Stop trying to fix it yourself. Stop over thinking it. Stop getting discouraged when you can’t see the solution. He is God! He is the Lord Almighty and He is right here among us! He is able and we are not.

When was the last time you were quiet before the Lord?

Sometimes we can’t get away for a long walk (although I highly recommend it if you can!). Maybe you don’t even have a pasture or a creek. Pehaps you live among the busyness of city traffic. No matter where you are, all of us can find a quiet place…to be still before God even if it’s only in our own minds.

You can be still before God anywhere not just on a quiet walk. There were many days at my previous workplaces (I recently quit my job to be a stay at home mom and wife) when I would find myself overwhelmed. Sometimes I've felt that way in the middle of a busy place full of people. Sometimes it was because of the stress of the situation where I was, but more often than not it was because of the disarray of my own mind and heart. I don’t know how many days I have stopped and prayed in my mind for God’s peace to rule my heart. God heard my prayers. Once my mind was quiet and my heart was still before the Lord I could see His hand at work throughout the day. By doing this, I took the focus off of me and my circumstances and onto Him and His abilities. He is God!

Psalm 62:5-8:
I wait quietly before God, for my hope is in him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will
not be shaken.
My salvation and my honor come from God alone. He is my
refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me.
O my people, trust in him at all times,
Pour out your heart to him, for God is our refuge.
I’m looking for more opportunities to be still before the Lord. I want to wait quietly before Him and receive all He has for me.

How about you? Is your mind and heart unsettled? Have you been going to other sources to find peace? Find a quiet place to be still before the Lord today even if it's only in your own mind. He is here among us! He knows you and your needs. You can pour out your heart to Him. You can trust Him. You can put your hope in Him.

He is God!

Random Rachel

I haven't posted on my blog in a while. Bad, bad blogger!! It's not been for a lack of things to write, rather too much going through my mind to choose just one thing. Yet, my thoughts have been random along with my memory (ha) as I'm expecting our 2nd child...so I haven't chosen something to write about. Am I rambling??

Some of the things I COULD write about...

Pregnancy: My suddenly growing belly. Being in between "regular" clothes and maternity clothes. Feeling the baby move. Hearing it's heartbeat this week at my prenatal checkup. Being exhausted. Still feeling nauteous at 17 weeks. Andrew's sweet outlooks on welcoming a new baby brother or sister.

Being Still. It's been a reoccurring theme throughout my week. It seems everything I read brings it to mind again. I believe God is trying to tell me something!! Wondering why it's so hard for us women to just BE STILL before God. Is it because we're afraid of what He might say to us? Even tonight I opened up my Bible and what did I read? "Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10

Being obedient...no matter what the cost! I read the story of Daniel again a few weeks ago. I started thinking...would I have done what Daniel did? Daniel knew that if he prayed He would be breaking the law of the king and that he would most certainly face a den full of lions...and an excruciatingly painful death. Yet, He chose to do the right thing, obeying The King rather than ungodly human authority! I can just hear my excuses, "But God I have to think of Alan and Andrew. What would they do without me...and besides I'm carrying a baby. You don't want me to put my baby in danger do you? It's not a big deal really. I'll just pray in my mind and no one will get hurt." Daniel didn't do that. He trusted God and because of His love for Him he chose to pray and worship God openly. No matter what the outcome He was better off because he trusted God and did the right thing...no matter what anyone else thought of it. Either he would be spared and God would be glorified OR he would die and go immediately into the presence of God. Do I believe and trust like that?! There may be a day in my lifetime that we Christians will have to stand up for what we believe. And we may be persecuted for it. Will I stand in faith (trusting) and do the right thing...no matter what?!

Broken Tooth. I had a tooth break off this past Saturday. Not fun! Wondering why I didn't take better care of my teeth. Perhaps if I had maintained them better I wouldn't be having the problems I'm having now. Yet, it seems easy to put these things off and neglect them when things are going well. Then, before you know it you're in a mess. Should have been watching out for the subtle decay. Is there a spiritual application here?! I think so!!

Broken Combine...and long fall season. My husband is a farmer. Today the combine broke down. He didn't get much field work done. This wasn't his plan. In fact, this whole season hasn't gone "as planned." The weather was rainy there for a while. Now, things are taking longer than it seems like they should. The guys were completely done in the field by the end of October last year. Not this year! Yet another reminder that we are not in control! God IS in control! What a great time to put our faith in Him and trust that it will all work out as He sees fit. God is good!!

Oh, I have more...but it's getting late and I need sleep. So, maybe I'll share more random thoughts later. OR maybe I'll try to come up with a post that is a little more "structured." :) Only God knows...and time will tell.

Hugs to my blog friends!

Do not fear anything except the LORD Almighty. He alone is the Holy One. If you fear him, you need fear nothing else. Isaiah 8:13

Rise & Shine..to God be the Glory!!

The Rise & Shine Team with Renee Swope and her lovely assistant, Leah DiPascal.

Left to right: Leah, Rachel (me), Jill, Renee, Judy, Leanne

More pictures to come on the Rise & Shine blog.

Dear friends, I can hardly believe that Rise & Shine Women's Retreat is over! I'm still rejoicing in my heart...and mulling all of it over in my mind 3 days later! I've been trying to figure out how to sum in all up in a neat little blog post...not sure that I can adequately express it all in words. I am overwhelmed with gratitude to the GREAT BIG, WONDERFULLY FAITHFUL, AWESOME GOD that we serve!

It's hard to believe that back in January there was no such thing as Rise & Shine Women's Retreat. When we met together as a team early this year, Rise & Shine didn't have theme, a logo, a schedule or a plan...Rise & Shine didn't even have a name yet! There was a date booked on the Orchard Hill Church calendar, an idea for a guest speaker and few ideas on what this retreat should look like, but that was it. WOW! What an amazing journey this has been!! God heard our heart-felt prayers and guided us forward...every step of the way!

Friday was a day full of preparation (as much of the previous days had been). There were lots of little details to get in place. I had the honor of working next to Judy most of the day! Then, decorating...WOW, the decorating!! Dianna Geiger is my hero when it comes to decorating! :) The tables in the community center looked absolutely wonderful. I love everything about her taste and style...not to mention her very passionate, fun and Christ-like personality. Her spunk is contagious!!

After the Friday evening practice, production, sound and light check, having dinner with the team and Renee Swope (the guest speaker) and her assistant, Leah; this pregnant girl (who was also fighting off a cold) was soooo tired and my body ached like you wouldn't believe. Yet, the adrenaline continued to flow and my mind would not turn off. I only slept from 1am to 4am that night (well, I guess that's technically morning). :)

I prayed when I was lying there awake at 4 something. I told the LORD that it would only be by his divine intervention if I wasn't exhausted the next day. I asked him to spare me from the pregnancy nausea I'd been experiencing, the chronic neck/back pain I've been fighting for over a year and the over-tiredness I knew was inevitable without His intervention.

Saturday...oh what a day!! It started out with a meeting with all the volunteers in the fabulous Orchard Hill Church coffee house. I had no idea even myself that these coffee house volunteers were going so far above and beyond to serve at Rise & Shine. Wow! The coffee...all sorts of flavors and steeping hot. Not to mention all the homemade muffins and coffee cake to go along with it. Fabulous!

The volunteers (greeters, registration table, book table, breakout reflection facilitators and prayer room partners) blew me away. They were so eager to serve and totally competent to quickly jump into place to serve. Thank you girls!

Women flooded the lobby and community center...some faces were familiar, but many were not. Yet, I knew these were the women our team (and many others) had been praying for this entire year! We had prayed that God would send the women there that He wanted there and that He would prepare their hearts to hear from Him. I may not have known all of these ladies, but God did! I knew they were right where they were suppose to be that day. My heart overflowed with love for them! And with praise to the One who sent them there!

I wasn't sure how much time our team would spend sitting down that day, but everything went so smoothly (thanks to a lot of people!) that we were able to sit through both sessions. As the worship team and band started that morning, I personally felt the Holy Spirit raining down in that place! Although I had previously been a bit nervous about getting up in front of all those people to say welcome from our team, as the worship music continued I felt such peace...and wasn't really nervous at all. That's a pretty big thing for a girl who's not only from a small, rural church where there's about 80 people at an average service, but who also doesn't necessarily like getting up in front of people to talk. Thank you, Lord!

The skit team did an awesome job...making us laugh with a message attached. These girls have a story all their own. They are a group of young women from the same rural church Jill and I attend (also all related to us). These girls stepped out in faith to rise & shine at Rise & Shine!

The worship team and special music was soooo good! They blew me away...with their talent and spirit!

We were blessed to hear guest speaker Renee Swope speak twice at the retreat. Her morning talk was titled, "Becoming the Woman God Created Me to Be." She shared about the woman at the well and finding satisfaction in Christ. I heard loud and clearly that He is the only one who can satisfy. We must position ourselves to receive from Him so we can give to others from the overflow He's given to us. Very relevant for us women!

From there we broke out into "Breakout Reflections." We divided the women up into 8 smaller groups, each with a facilitator to go over some discussion questions from Renee's talk. Our team was very busy during this time so we did not get to participate in any of these breakout reflections. However, from the feedback we've received although each of the groups were different, this was very impactful for many of the women in attendance. It was an opportunity to connect with women (women they didn't even know beforehand) on a deeper level and dig more into the heart of Renee's talk.

Lunch...again, oh wow! What can I say?! Natalie Brown and her helpers from "Scratch" catering outdid themselves! Seriously, the food was phenomenal!! I can't say enough! During lunch women were able to share (and I noticed that they did a lot of this!), visit the book tables, prayer room and Life 101.9s table where the lovely Julia Taylor (their morning show co-host) had positioned herself.

It was now time for the afternoon session. At this point, I couldn't believe it was already 1pm! I thought about all the preparation that went into this day...and there were only 2 more hours left! More spirit filled praise and worship was followed by "The Story Behind Rise & Shine" where Leanne and Jill shared their story...and the original vision of a conference. Good!

After Jackie Beran and Barbie Tupy shared special music with us (and did a terrific job!), Renee Swope took the stage again. This time she shared a talk entitled, "Blessed is She Who Believes." This talk was especially impactful! She spoke about Mary (the mother of Jesus), living beyond the shadow of our doubts by focusing on the light of His truth. I wish I could do this talk justice by what I write here, but there was so many relevant thoughts expressed that I don't think I can sum it up quickly. I think I need another whole blog post for this one! :) Some things that really stood out to me in this talk was, "God does not call the equipped, He equips the called." And it's not that we're able, but that we're available. And that we need to women who don't just believe in God, but who believe God! (AMEN!)

Now, we're to what was probably my favorite part of the day... Renee asked us women to write our doubts, fears, insecurities on an index card and bring them to the cross. We had 2 big crosses set up on the stage, one on each end. I had the privilege of being on one side holding a basket full of promises from Scripture. When the ladies brought their doubts and laid them at the foot of the cross, they picked up a promise from the basket...and Renee had prayed that each woman would pull out the promise (out of 15!) that was specifically for her. As I stood there holding this basket of promises, watching the women line up to bring their doubts to the cross...knowing that this was in response to all that had taken place there that day, I became extremely overwhelmed with praise to the Father! He had shown up there allllll day in a very big way! He had once again shown His faithfulness and provision! The Holy Spirit was strong and some women were weeping. I began to tear up (and I am not a crier!).

Since I was the first woman up there, knowing I need to hold the basket of promises and having women right behind me to pick theirs up, I didn't pull out a promise right away. No, some time along the way, a promise flipped up. I couldn't see what it said, but I felt prompted to pick it up. This was my verse! When I flipped it over, I started to cry. Oh, Lord, you know all things and spoke directly to me, even in this room full of women!!! This verse was meant just for me!!!

After Ann Knapp sang, "Lead Me to the Cross" (so beautifully!), Renee wrapped up her talk. I was crying the whole time! God did this...all of it. I was bursting with gratitude to the people who allowed God to work through them to make Rise & Shine a success. I thanked God for how all the details, big and small, came into place! I thanked Him that He chose me to be a part of something so grand and beyond me! To HIM be the GLORY! I've been rejoicing ever since!!

I've enjoyed hearing the stories from friends and new friends since the retreat. Things that I will continue to rejoice over for a long time to come! Stories from the prayer room, to personal connections and life impacting decisions made. God is good!

My last little praise from the day because I know this is looooong: God answered my prayers. I had NO nausea (despite having very little to eat until after noon), NO neck/back pain (although I've been dealing with that for over a year!), and wasn't even that tired (despite getting very little sleep, previously having a cold...and being someone who normally requires a lot of sleep!). GOD IS GOOD! That may not mean a lot to someone else, but to me God revealed Himself, His love and provision in a very big way!

Will we do it again next year?! Stay tuned for details. For now, we are rejoicing and basking in the after-glow of the day! Praying to see where God leads next.

Want to know how I got involved with Rise & Shine? Click here.

Stay tuned...

Well, friends, Rise & Shine Women's Retreat is over and it's soooo hard to believe! I am exhausted (as I'm sure the whole team is) and my heart is filled with Praise! I feel so honored and abundatly blessed to have been part of the planning team! WOW!

I am still searching for adequate words to express the events of the day. For now, I just want to say what an AMAZINGLY FAITHFUL, GREAT BIG, WONDERFUL GOD we serve!!! I am overwhelmed by all that took place!!! More to come very soon...

Will share my thoughts and some pictures in the coming days.

Big News Announcement!!!

We announced our big news a couple of weeks ago. I've been meaning to announce our big news here to my friends in BlogWorld (those of you on Facebook may already know my news!), but the days seem to slip away from me. :) Believe me, it's not because I'm not excited to share our big news! And it's not that I don't want to share our big news with you...and well, everyone! :) And it's not that our big news isn't big. lol

Okay, okay...I hear ya, "Enough with the "big news" already, just tell us!!" :) Right?!

We are expecting a baby!!! I am almost 14 weeks along (entering the 2nd trimester). Our baby is due April 24th!

Went for my first OB checkup on October 12th. My doctor couldn't pick up the heartbeat with the handheld monitor. Because she knows that I experienced a miscarriage last time and didn't want me to be nerveous about not hearing the heartbeat, we did an ultrasound there in her office. I got to see my little baby's heart beating and it moving around on the ultrasound. It was so reassuring to see and brought tears to my eyes. I left her office praising the Lord!!! AND I was ready to tell our family!! Alan and I are both very, very excited!!

First, we told our little Andrew (2 1/2). We sat him down and explained things to him. He's been very excited ever since. He got to announce it to the grandparents and some other family members too. He told them, "There's a baby in my mommy's belly." lol Love it! Since then, he has been telling random people...like the cashier at the grocery store. :) Plus he's been asking a lot of questions. He's told people, "It's not here yet" and "Mommy's belly has to get bigger and bigger and then the baby will come out" and "I'm going to teach it to play with blocks." It's going to be a fun journey with our smart little man!!

Children truly are a blessing from the Lord! We are feeling overly blessed and grateful!

I would appreciate your prayers for Baby Beran and it's mama (me). Trusting the Lord for a healthy baby in April!

Children are a gift from the LORD; they are a reward from him. Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior's hands. How happy is the man whose quiver is full of them!

Psalm 127:3-5a

Step Out

I have been pretty scarce in BlogWorld lately. My mind has been pre-occupied and much of my time filled with Rise & Shine Women's Retreat...not to mention all the other demands of a busy wife and mama. :) The retreat is only 2 weeks away now!!!

Being part of the planning committee for Rise & Shine has "stretched" me and increased my faith in a number of ways. Back in January our team met for the first time. My good friend Jill felt the Lord's leading to start a women's conference. She had felt this prompting for a couple of years, but wasn't sure how she could ever pull something like this off. She kept praying about it, until it came to a point that she knew that it was definately His idea and not hers. She shared the idea with her husband and a couple of friends (myself being one of them). Long story short, Jill and her friend/mentor, Leanne, decided to take the idea to Orchard Hill Church in Cedar Falls, Iowa. They opened their doors...and offered a lot of support!

Our little team was put together and we began planning a women's event. We were thrilled when Renee Swope, a national speaker and author with Proverbs 31 Ministries, agreed to be our guest speaker. None of us had ever done anything quite like this before...or at least not to this extent. We didn't know exactly how all of this was going to work or what it was going to look like. Yet, God did! He kept opening doors to lead us in the right direction (and continues to).

Interestingly enough (and you may not believe this, but it is absolutely true) almost 3 years ago, I sat in a women's conference listening to a women's speaker when I felt the Lord speaking to my spirit. It wasn't an audible voice, but I knew Who it was. It was like He said to me, "You're going to be part of something like this." And I knew what He meant. Yet, there I sat...I was pregnant, a farmer's wife living in rural Iowa. I thought, "What? ME? How could I ever do something like that?" I have to admit that I questioned the Lord. Did He get the right girl?! Yet, joy rose up within me and I remember praying in my mind, right there in the midst of this huge conference, "I don't know how, but I believe that you will make a way, Lord." I never told anyone about this. I actually shoved it to the back of my mind for a some time. Every once in a while I would recall what He said, but still didn't see a way. I would say a little prayer about it and shove it back to it's little corner in my mind.

Back in December when Jill first told me her idea about starting a women's conference, I wasn't shocked. I knew that I was suppose to be part of it, yet didn't say a word about this to Jill. I just told her that I would pray about it...which I did. I was thrilled a few weeks later when she asked me to be part of the Rise & Shine Team . Isn't this just the way that the Lord works? He opens doors where there doesn't even seem to be a door!!!

I'll be honest with you, there were some times along the way that I doubted myself (which I guess is really doubting God's ability to work through me). There were a few times that I wanted to quit (so thankful that I didn't!!). There were times when I felt in over my head (which I probably was and still am, but God always provides!). There were times when I wondered why on earth God chose me (ME!) for this job. Yet, each time, I felt God's prompting to carry on...and trust Him!

Now, I could tell you one story after another about how God has revealed His provision and faithfulness to me personally throughout this planning process...and I'm sure that I will have more to tell you in the next couple of weeks.


I'm thankful that Jill and Leanne stepped out in faith...and that Judy and I have had the opportunity to do the same.

I'm also soooo thankful...

For my part in Rise & Shine and all that I have learned.

That God continues to show me what He is capable of...and what He can do if we are obedient.

That it's not about me or my abilities, but about Him and His abilities!

For all the doors that He has opened.

For all the people who have come on board to help.

For the relationships that it is building.

For all the women who will attend (and I am praying that they will be blessed on October 31st).

For the doors that it is opening for others to use their talents to glorify the Lord.

That God is working through each person involved to pull this off.

Plus many other things!!!

However, I'm mostly thankful that I know that all of this is pleasing and glorifying to the Lord! It's a lot of work, but it's a pleasure to do the work of the Lord.

PRAISE HIS NAME!

Let me ask you, where is God asking you to step out in faith in your life?! Is there something He's specifically calling you to do? Have you prayed about this lately? What's holding you back? Maybe it's not the right time yet, but maybe it is. What are you doing to prepare while you wait? Remember two things: God WILL use those who are willing and obedience begins in the seemingly small things!

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

Ephesians 3:20 & 21 (NIV)

Too Bad, How Sad

The other morning I told my 2 1/2 year old son, Andrew, "Mommy is just really tired this morning." Andrew quickly replied, "Too bad, how sad!" I was surprised by this response, but chuckled and said, "You're right, Andrew. It is too bad, how sad because Mommy can't just go back to sleep." Honestly, I decided he was right and decided to just get over it. :)

I guess I shouldn't have been so surprised by Andrew's words because, "Too bad, how sad" is something I sometimes say to him. Little ones always repeat what they hear. When Andrew doesn't want to finish his food or whines about an order I've handed out to him, he will say, "I don't want to." Sometimes I will say, "Too bad, how sad." Many times this is followed by an explaination which in turn is often followed by, "Mommy's the boss." :) (I'm brutal, I know!)

P.S. I think the saying most people use is "too bad, so sad", but whatever. That's not what we say at ourhouse! :)

Maybe "too bad, how sad" isn't the most politically correct response. Still, it's pretty effective. He "gets it." He normally doesn't argue his point any further. In fact, today when it was nap time, he said, "I don't want to take a nap." Then, without missing a beat he answered himself, "Too bad, how sad." LOL (I loooooove this kid!!!)

Today, I was thinking about Andrew's very innocent response to my whiney statement of being tired. I thought of how glad I am that the LORD doesn't respond to our groanings in this way.

In Matthew 11:28 Jesus said,

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."

Then there is I Peter 5:7:

"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."

I'm so grateful that He wants me to come to Him with all of my weariness, sorrow and burdens. Not only that, He offers a solution. I don't have to bear my burdens alone. He will carry the burden for me. He cares. He hears. He offers me rest.

He is a gentle and merciful Father. A faithful companion. A kind and loving friend. He knows me...the details of my life; my personality; my past. He understands the desires of my heart. He sees my weaknesses, yet He gives me the strength I need to plunge past them. In fact, it is through these very weaknesses, that He proves Himself strong! He upholds me with His victorious right hand. There's nothing that is impossible with Him by my side.

When I go to Him and say, "I'm tired and weary, Lord" He doesn't say, "Well, too bad, how sad" or "Not you again" or "It's too late. You've messed up too many times." Nope, His arms are open and accepting. He listens AGAIN. He is gentle and loving because I am His and He is mine.

Unlike any other friend or comapanion on earth, I know He always has time for me. He is a safe place to run. He doesn't get tired of hearing from me. I can cast my cares and anxieties on Him knowing I can trust Him with my every thought. He will never leave me. He will never forsake me. He won't talk behind my back. He won't turn His back on me...or turn me away.

Think about how cool this is: When you have a personal relationship with the LORD (meanining, you've accepted Jesus Christ as your saviour) you can go to Him, trust Him as a friend, and lay down your burdens anytime that strikes your fancy. He will accept you. You can pray to Him anytime and in any place. You can pray out loud or in the solitude of your own mind...either way He hears because He is God. He walks with you all day, every day. There's no time restriction; no limit on the number of times you can pray. He loves you like no one else does...unconditionally and without limits. He WANTS you to come to Him. Why needlessly carry those burdens and anxieties alone? What an honor and privilige to have the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords, the One and only God as your Father, companion and friend!!!

Psalm 37:23:

"The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives."

You can go to Him with EVERY:

weariness, longing, fear, burden, thought, question, doubt,

heartache, anxiety, tear, prayer request, dream or

broken dream.

You can even share your:

joy, gladness and praise with Him

...anything and everything!

What are you waiting for?

Your Faithful Friend is waiting!

Weariness Turned into Praise!

Excuse me for taking so long to post again. After my last post titled Weary, I know I left some of you wondering how I was doing. Thank you so much for your prayers! I'm so incredibly thankful to post that my weariness has turned into PRAISE!

The words of David in Psalm 30 echo the praise in my heart. I'll share a bit of it with you here:

2 to 5 Oh LORD my God, I cried out to you for help, and you restored my health. You brought me up from the grave, O LORD, You kept me from falling into the pit of death. Sing to the LORD, all you godly ones! Praise his holy name...Weeping may go on all night, but joy comes in the morning.

11 & 12 You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy, that I might sing praises to you and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever!

It has been an incredible journey. A year of pain...in my back, neck, right shoulder, arm and hand due to a herniated disk in my neck. There have been many ups and downs. Many doctor's visits. Some short-lived bouts of relief and then relapses. Never really feeling well. A lot of frustration, tiredness and weariness...and even more prayer!

Then, there was a breakthrough last week. I visited a chiropractor who does some alternative treatments. I had known of him for quite a long time. Someone had actually referred me to him several months ago. His office is 1 1/2 hours from my home. I had gone through so many ups and downs...and had visited a few different doctors so I wasn't sure going there would be worth the trip. Then, desperation really hit me. My husband, Alan and I, were praying so tearfully. Honestly, crying out to the LORD for help. It felt like this doctor was where God was leading us next.

To make a long story shot, I walked out of this chiropractor's office feeling better than I had in a very, very long time. There were tears in my eyes as I left his office...and my heart sang the LORD's praises all the way home! To be honest, I have had so many set-backs throughout the last year that I was almost afraid to move, in fear the pain was going to come back on full force. I hated to even mouth the words that I actually felt better. I didn't allow the fear to consume me. I chose faith instead. I couldn't be silent! I praised the LORD...and have continued to praise! I will continue to give Him the glory!

I should make it clear that I am NOT completely pain free. However, I feel such incredible relief. I go back to see my new chiropractor friend next week. I praise the LORD for leading me to him. Health is something I took for granted before...no more!

Thank you, LORD, for hearing our prayers! Thank you for restoring my health! I know it's only going to get better. My weeping went on all night, but joy came in the morning!!! I will continually sing Your praises!!! I will give You thanks forever!

Weary

As I sit here at my laptop this evening I have a desire to write and share with you, but my spirit is weary. I sat here for a few moments with my face in my hands praying, "Lord, I don't even know what to say...or what to title it." The word weary came to mind...AGAIN.

It sounds depressing, yet weary is a word that has been on my mind...and tongue quite a bit lately. It describes how I often feel as I deal with chronic pain day in and day out. Pain that persists after a year...and many attempts at treatment.

I've wanted to share on my blog many times throughout the last couple of weeks, but sitting at the computer is painful. I promised to share more about my miscarriage loss and some things that I learned, yet lately I haven't been able to muster the engery. I still intend to do so, just not today. Most days it takes all I have to complete my regular tasks which includes caring for my husband, 2 1/2 year old son and our home. Weary, yes, weary...that's the word.

Being in constant pain can be a very lonely experience. Other people (even those the closest to you and that love you the most) can't really understand what it is like. Others continue moving through their busy days while you're lying on the couch praying for strength just to get through.

Then, a reminder comes...

Yesterday, I came across a scripture passage. One that I had read many times before. One that I have even used to encourage others during hard times. However, this time it hit me "like a ton of rocks." It was as if God was speaking it straight to my own weary heart!

Whom have I in heaven but you? I desire you more than anything on earth. My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever.

Psalm 73:25-26

As I read, my eyes filled with tears. The loneliness of this pain began to fade. Whom have I in heaven but you, Lord?! Oh yes, my health may fail...and for sure my spirit grows weak (and weary), but YOU remain the strength of my heart. You are mine forever! And nothing can change that! You know, care and understand. I desire nothing more than you, Lord!

God never promised us that this life would be easy. However, He did promise us that when we accept Him as our Lord and Savior that He will never leave us nor forsake us (Deut 31:6, 8 & Heb 13:5). We don't have to be discouraged or afraid because He will go with us. He will give us the strength (His strength not ours!) that we need to get through whatever struggle we face!

I don't know what the Lord has in store for me next. I know that God could heal me at this very moment if He chose to do so. I also know that God's ways are so beyond mine...so even when I don't understand what He is doing, I can trust Him and His plan for my life. He is teaching me things through the pain. I pray that I will have ears to hear and eyes to see all that He is trying to show me.

My weariness must turn into dependence on the One who is the strength of my heart. How reassuring to know that He cares; He will not leave me, nor forsake me; He is mine forever!

I pray that you also have that reassurance and hope today, my dear reading friend. As always, feel free to contact me with any prayer requests or questions you may have. I am here for you...even in the midst of the pain.

Miscarriage

It was one year ago today that I made that life-altering trip to the doctor's office. I was 11 weeks pregnant and this was my first checkup. I had been spotting for a little while, but from what I read online spotting oftten occures in early pregnancy. Although it did worry me a bit, since no other symptoms (no cramping at all!!) accompanied it, I decided to not overly worry...and just leave it in God's hands. This day, however, I had decided that the spotting had gone on long enough. I went into work that morning, but made a doctors appointment near my lunch hour.

It was quite a rollercoaster of emotions as I entered the doctor's office that day. I prayed for strength...and that we would get good news. A lot of, "Please help me, Lord!" After talking to the nurse and doctor I felt reassured taht the spotting wasn't a big deal. After checking me, their words were reassuring-everything looked fine.

Then, it was time for the in-house ultrasound. They said that hearing the baby's heartbeat would just reassure me that everything was fine. I lied on the table as the doctor began rubbing the little monitor (not sure what that little thing is called) around in the jelly on my belly. I waited and waited as he continuously moved the monitor. We waited...and waited some more. I looked at the doctor's face searching for some kind of answer. I could tell he was trying not to show any emotion, but I could sense a bit of panic in his eyes. Maybe it was merely the speeding heart in my own chest that made it seem that way, but it seemed as if was now frantically searching for a fetal heartbeat. Tears welled up in my eyes. Finally, he quit searching. He quickly apologized saying that he wasn't very good at running this ultrasound machine. He reassured me that it was probably just his error...and lack of experience in running the machine. I asked if he had ever not been able to find a heartbeat before. He hesitantly, yet honestly answered, "No." (You can always count on me to ask a zinger of a question!).

While they scheduled an ultrasound for me at the hospital, I called my husband, Alan. I broke down! He reasuured me that he would head my way as quickly as he could and that the in-house ultrasound was probably just wrong.

Despite everyon's reassuring words, the in-house ultrasound was not wrong! The hospital ultrasound was quite clear. Our baby had only developed to 6 weeks and there was no heartbeat. Why hadn't my body gone through the miscarriage process? Were my dates wrong? Could we be only 6 weeks pregnant? No, I knew my dates were right. Even the positive pregnancy test that announced to us that we were expecting was taken over 6 weeks before. Still, a person's mind can go all over the place during a time like this. I held onto a tiny bit of hope that the ultrasound could somehow be wrong.

We were sent home to wait. I cried and cried. Alan cried. We cried together. We talked and tried to process this information. Either my body would choose to go through the miscarriage process in the following week or, if not, we would go in for a second ultrasound on September 18th.

It was a long week! I went about my normal activities trying to forget that I was carrying my deceased baby and waiting to miscarry. Holding on to a bit of hope that the ultrasound was wrong. Still spotting, yet feeling more pregnant than ever (my pregnancy symptoms were hightened).

On September 14, 2008 I wrote the following:

September 11th will be a date etched in my memory for all time. It was a day full of sorrow for me. However, I’m not referring to the September 11th that you may be thinking of. Not September 11, 2001, the day that our wonderful country the USA was attacked by terrorists. Although that was a sad day for all Americans, that’s not the date I’m referring to. No, my September 11th story took place seven years later on September 11, 2008. That was the day that I found out I was having a miscarriage.

From the moment any woman realizes that she is expecting she starts making plans; dreaming dreams. I’m no different. Mine were shattered that day. At first I think I was in disbelief. Maybe you would call it denial. My husband, Alan, and I were trilled to think of soon welcoming a new baby into our family. We thought our little son, Andrew, would soon be a big brother. We really wanted this baby! How could this really be happening to us?

The days following September 11th brought with them many questions, confusion and a little fear. Tears flowed from our broken hearts. Many things in life are hard to understand. I believe some of our questions will never be answered here on this earth. I also believe that a bit of grief will always reside in our hearts as long as we travel this life. However, I’ve found such comfort and peace in knowing that my Heavenly Father comforts me in all my tribulations (II Cor 1:4).

As the weekend neared I knew I needed to prepare a Sunday school lesson for my 3 and 4-year-old preschool class. Honestly, I dreaded the thought of getting a lesson together. I’ve always loved teaching Sunday school, but I had found it very hard to concentrate on anything for more than a few minutes at a time. However, I prayed for strength and motivation. Before I knew it I had found some inspiration and was writing a lesson of my own.

I came across the story of the lost sheep in Matthew 18. I know this story is an illustration of God calling us, His sheep, back to himself. Yet, something else struck me as I read this story once again. It reminded me that God is our Good Shepherd (John 10:11). A Good Shepherd loves, cares for and protects His sheep. He knows His sheep and they know Him (John 10:14). Not only that, but our Good Shepherd has a plan for us (Jer 29:11). We can trust in Him and His plan for our lives (Prov 3:5). His purpose is to give life in its fullness (John 10:10). He causes everything to work together for good for us (Rom 8:28). He helps us in our distress (Rom 8:26).

Jeremiah 29:11-13 says:“For I know the plans I have for you”, says they Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster (evil), to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me in earnest, you will find me when you seek me.”

I am grateful for all He is reminding me of and teaching me through my September 11th experience. I trust in His plan (Jer 29:11). I want His will and not mine (Luke 22:42). I am thankful that He gives us hope (Ps 31:24) and that He heals the brokenhearted (Is 61:1).

Although I found such strength, peace and hope in my faith in Jesus Christ the following days were not easy. A second ultrasound confirmed the first (and the in-house one). Even my untrained eyes could clearly see the truth before me. No development past 6 weeks. No movement. No heartbeat. Since my body wasn't going through the miscarriage process properly, we had to decide what to do to avoid infection.

A third ultrasound to reassure my breaking heart that I was doing the right thing and a scheduled d&c followed. Don't know what a d&c is? Go here to learn more.

It was physically and emotionally draining time. I am so thankful that I knew God had (and still has) a plan for our family. That even though I don't always understand His plan, that I can trust Him and His plan for my life. It caused me to wonder what I would ever do without Him...without the peace and hope that only He can give!

Have you gone through a miscarriage or the loss of a baby? Do you know someone who has...someone who is struggling with this loss? So many people don't understand this pain. Many people minimize the loss. Please know that I understand the pain. I know that it is a REAL loss and the sorrow that it brings along with it. I also know that you can find hope and peace in the midst of the pain!

I learned so much through my loss and have compiled some thoughts (well, a lot of thoughts...enough that I could almost write a book). I want to share just a few of those things with you here on my blog in the next couple of posts. Check back to read some of my thoughts on some of the crazy things people say after such a loss, people minimizing the loss, what an opportunity a time such as this is to minister to a hurting woman's soul, some things to avoid and some things to do.

As always I am here to listen and pray, dear reading friend. Always feel free to leave a comment here or e-mail me: rachel.beran@yahoo.com

Discouragement

Have you ever felt discouraged? I sure have! In fact, I just went through a time of discouragement this past week.

Some of you know that I have been dealing with ongoing issues with my neck for quite some time now...well, for almost a year. I have gone through weeks and weeks of therapy...and many ups and downs. Finally, at the end of June we saw somewhat of a breakthrough. I was feeling quite a bit better and the x-rays showed 70% improvement. I was overjoyed to have a break from the always time consuming and sometimes very painful therapy.

I had some minor setbacks in the last couple of months. Fortunately, they weren't long lasting. However, two weeks ago something happened. Not sure what triggered it. Yet, much of the pain returned in my neck, shoulder and arm-even some that I hadn't felt in months. Just when I thought things were heading in the right direction, I felt like I was back to square one. The discouragement began.

Anyone who has ever experienced constant pain is aware of how tiring, draining and all-consuming it can be. In the midst of the pain, I heard a voice in my head, "You're never going to get better. It's always going to be this way." Discouragement swept in a little more.

My body longed for rest, but the pain made me restless. Sleep didn't come easily-neither did anything else. The more tired I got the more my vision blurred...at least spiritually. I found it hard to focus on anything besides the pain. I asked God, "Why?" Hope was fading. Discouragement set in...and got nice and cozy!

You may have notice that I haven't posted on my blog in a while. This is the reason. It's tough for me to write an encouraging word to you, my dear reading friend, when I'm feeling discouraged myself. However, my story doesn't end there.

A couple of days ago I realized how "foggy" my perspective had become. I wasn't depressed, but I was discouraged. I wondered why I had to go through this pain once again. I felt there was no end in sight. I felt alone without anyone who truly understood or cared. My focus was on ME and MY circumstances rather than on the ONE who controls all things...the All-Knowing, All-Powerful, Almighty God.

I opened up my Bible to find some words of encouragement.

Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord is the one who goes before you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor forsake you.
Deuteronomy 31:8

Although I don't know why God is allowing this in my life at this time, I DO know that I am not alone and that He will never fail me...nor forsake me. I don't have to be afraid or discouraged! He cares!

One of my favorite passages came to mind.

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me in earnest, you will find me when you seek me."

Oh Lord, why do I ever question you? Why do I so quickly listen to the lies of the enemy rather than to Your Truth. You are the Giver of Hope, the Loving Father. Although I don't understand, You know the plans you have for me...and they are for good!

I realized my need to pray (and remembered that He is listening). I longed to take the focus back off of myself and the pain I'm experiencing...and put it back onto the ONE who gives me a future and a hope. I scoured God's Word to find more words of hope. I felt my heart chiming in with these words in the Psalms as if the words were my own.

Why am I discouraged? Why so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again-my Savior and my God!
Psalm 42:5

When I pray, you answer me; you encourage me by giving me the strenght I need.
Psalm 138:3

I will quietly keep my mind on your decress.
Psalm 119:95b

A couple more visits to the chiropractor...more exercises, adjustments and traction therapy. I've felt a little bit of relief, yet as I sit here at my computer keying this out the pain still persisits. I have more visits on the calendar this week. My circumstances haven't changed much, but my focus has!

I put my hope in Him! I will praise Him through this. Then, I will praise Him again! I choose to remember that when I pray he WILL answer! I am encouraged because He gives me the strength I need! I choose to quietly keep my mind on Him and His promises!

With that in mind, how can I feel discouraged?!

How about you? Are you feeling discouraged today? Sometimes life is hard. God never promised it would be easy. He DID promise that He would go with us...if we seek Him. The circumstances of life can ofen bring us down. However, God is bigger than our circumstances!

I pray you found hope and encouragement in the scripture references above, my friend. Please pray for me. I already prayed for you today. :) If you would like additional prayer, please post a comment here or e-mail me at rachel.beran@yahoo.com.

Be Still

One day last week my little son, Andrew, and I went on a long walk through the pasture and along the creek near our home. It was an overcast day; cool enough that we needed to wear our sweatshirts. It had rained that morning so the grass was still wet. I didn’t take my cell phone along. We weren’t on time schedule. I didn’t even have a watch to look at! We weren’t in a hurry.

Andrew gathered walking sticks for us and enjoyed finding rocks to throw in the creek. As we walked along together I found myself in awe of God’s creation. The lush, green grass and a variety of wildflowers growing randomly in the pasture; the rippling water of the creek flowing over the rocks of all shapes and sizes; colorful, fluttering butterflies and rays of sunlight peaking through the trees. Andrew enjoyed exploring every crook and cranny. I enjoyed pointing out the wildlife to him. We even came across a beaver dam.

The sweet silence of nature surrounded us…birds chirping, creek water rushing, the leaves of the trees rustling. My mind was quieted. Peace filled my heart. I found myself praising the LORD internally as I marveled at His creation. It felt as if His arms were wrapping around me. I was so aware of His presence. I was aware of how BIG he is and how small I am. It was a wonderful time of being quiet before the Lord.

I wish I could tell you that this is something I do often. Although I live in a very peaceful and beautiful place, more often then not I tend to miss it because of the clamoring of the world…and the clutter of my own mind. Long walks without a cell phone and without a time schedule don’t often fit into the busyness of my everyday life. Yet, after our walk this week, I found myself wishing that we did this more often!

Psalm 46:10a comes to mind:

Be still and know that I am God!

Be still! How hard that is sometimes…to turn off my brain and just be still. Be still…knowing that he is God. He is in control. He knows my every need. He loves me and wants the best for me. I can trust Him and His plan for my life. He is God…and I am not!

Psalm 46:11a goes on to say:

The Lord almighty is here among us.

Be still! Stop worrying. Stop trying to fix it yourself. Stop over thinking it. Stop getting discouraged when you can’t see the solution. He is God! He is the Lord Almighty and He is right here among us! He is able and we are not.

When was the last time you were quiet before the Lord?

Sometimes we can’t get away for a long walk (although I highly recommend it if you can!). Maybe you don’t even have a pasture or a creek. Pehaps you live among the busyness of city traffic. No matter where you are, all of us can find a quiet place…to be still before God even if it’s only in our own minds.

You can be still before God anywhere not just on a quiet walk. There were many days at my previous workplaces (I recently quit my job to be a stay at home mom and wife) when I would find myself overwhelmed. Sometimes I've felt that way in the middle of a busy place full of people. Sometimes it was because of the stress of the situation where I was, but more often than not it was because of the disarray of my own mind and heart. I don’t know how many days I have stopped and prayed in my mind for God’s peace to rule my heart. God heard my prayers. Once my mind was quiet and my heart was still before the Lord I could see His hand at work throughout the day. By doing this, I took the focus off of me and my circumstances and onto Him and His abilities. He is God!

Psalm 62:5-8:
I wait quietly before God, for my hope is in him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will
not be shaken.
My salvation and my honor come from God alone. He is my
refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me.
O my people, trust in him at all times,
Pour out your heart to him, for God is our refuge.

I’m looking for more opportunities to be still before the Lord. I want to wait quietly before Him and receive all He has for me.

How about you? Is your mind and heart unsettled? Have you been going to other sources to find peace? Find a quiet place to be still before the Lord today even if it's only in your own mind. He is here among us! He knows you and your needs. You can pour out your heart to Him. You can trust Him. You can put your hope in Him.
He is God!

Running Out of Gas

Shortly after getting my driver’s license when I was 16 years old (many moons ago!) my mom sent me to a nearby town to run some errands for her. Before I left home she told me that her car was low on gasoline. She gave me a $50.00 bill (probably all that she had) and told me to be sure to fill up the gas tank before leaving our little Indiana town called Montezuma. She also told me to be sure to bring back the change from the $50.00 bill. Back in those days just $10.00 went a long way when fueling up the gas tank. Times sure change, don’t they?!

Anyway, I jumped in the car (I was always in a hurry!), drove right past the little gas station on the corner in Montezuma…and then past the second one (guess I was just in my “own little world”). I made it all the way to the 4-lane highway before I remembered that I was low on gas (guess I was just as forgetful back then). I was thinking about where I needed to go and what I needed to do. I decided to just keep driving because I knew there was another gas station only a few miles down the highway.

As I drove along the highway a classmate of mine came cruising past me. Troy was one of those boys who always liked to tease me…and everyone else. Not in a mean kind of way. More like in a lovingly, yet constantly irritating kind of way. J As he drove by, he pointed and laughed…having no idea about my gasoline woes.

Finally, I neared the A-framed gas station. And wouldn’t you know it, just as I could see it’s unique frame in the distance, my mom’s car started to putter (putt, putt, putt)! I started praying!

I let off the gas a little (putt, putt, putt) and hoped to coast into the gas station (putt, putt, putt), but as I turned off the highway and up a small hill in the road leading to the station the car just couldn’t make it (putt, putt, blah!). I was out of gas! I tried to start it again…and again…and again (just for the record, you should never do this!). I was still barely coasting. Then, I started rolling down the hill. It was about this time when I looked up only to see guess who? It was Troy driving out of the gas station. Once again he was laughing at me. I was embarrassed!

Troy jumped out of his vehicle and started pushing the car. Then, a couple more guys joined in. Before I knew it, they had pushed me to the gas pump. I filled up while Troy waited for me (maybe Troy wasn’t such a bad guy after all!).

I finished filling up, then headed inside to pay. When I came back out, I put the key in the ignition. Nothing! I tried again. Nothing! The engine just wouldn’t turn over! Troy and a couple of guys came to my rescue again. They started discussing the problem. They asked me to pop the hood. After some discussion and another couple of attempts. Someone said they knew a mechanic who lived just up the road. As they went to get him, I sat and waited.

The whole time they were gone, I thought about how I was wasting a lot of time…because I was in such a hurry. Here, I had a $50.00 bill in my pocket the whole time, but didn’t’ think to use it. How silly! I was wishing I could step back in time so that I could get the gas I needed back in Montezuma. I was stressed! Why had I been in such a hurry?

Eventually the mechanic came, fixed the problem and I was on my way. I wish I could say that I never ran out of gas again, but it isn’t true.

You know, it’s all too easy to “run out of gas” on this “highway” we call life too. How often do we get in a hurry and forget about “filling up our tank”? We know where we need to go and what we need to do, but forget about what and who's going to get us there. We forget about the "$50.00 bill" in our pocket.



I am NOT a morning person by any means. I have a tendency to get up in the morning at the last minute. On the days I work I find myself hurrying, hurrying, hurrying to get my son and myself ready and out the door. On the days I don’t work, I scamper about trying to get my son and myself together and breakfast on the table for my husband. Let’s not even talk about Sunday mornings before church. It can make for a stressful situation. Yikes!

It’s so easy to rush right into my day without “filling up” first. I think of all the things I need to get done. I know better. I’ve been told. The Bible is sitting right there on the counter full of riches untold (like the $50.00 bill in my pocket), yet I don’t open it because I’m in just such a hurry. I have a tendency to end up in my own little world (and check-list).

Before I know it, I end up depleted, stressed out, wasting time, wondering why I was in such a hurry; and maybe even a little embarrassed.

I’m out of gas. Putt, putt, putt…blah! I keep trying to "drive on", but even the smallest “hill” can feel like a huge obstacle. Friends and neighbors can push me and help me out, but there’s really only one thing that I need…some “gasoline”.

There I sit, wondering why I was in such a hurry. Wishing I would have gone to The Source for my “refueling” in the first place.

In the past few months I have been trying to get up extra early (like I said, I’m not a morning person so this takes real discipline for me!) to walk (to wake myself up first), read my Bible and pray. I don’t get up early every day, but when I DO it makes all the difference in the world.

My husband has noticed. He has commented, “You seem to have so much more energy when you get up early to walk and read in the mornings.” It’s true. I get less sleep, but more zest. The day goes better because I “filled up” first thing in the morning. My heart and mind start out in the right place. Even though I took time to read and pray, I somehow seem to end up with much more time throughout the day. Things just go better because my attitude is in check.

I’m not saying that you HAVE TO get up extra early every morning to spend time with God. What I AM saying is that we all need some quiet time alone with Him…basking in his Word and His presence; talking to Him, sometime every day.

When I don't get this alone time with the Lord things don't tend to go well for me. Other days, I get that much desired time alone with God, but the circumstances of life make me feel depleted, stressed and hurried. That's when I go to The Source to be "refueled".

One day this week, I was feeling overwhelmed and anxious. I had a lot to get done that day. I knew I needed to hurry, but I also knew that I needed some quiet time with God to be “refueled” before I could go any further. My heart and mind needed to get back in the right place. I had rushed into my day and was feeling depleted and stressed. I longed for some quiet time with Him (and as any mom with young children knows this is easier said than done!). I found a little time. After a few minutes down on my knees and in His Word, my whole perspective had changed. The rest of the day went better than expected. I didn’t “run out of gas” because I had gone to The Source. What a great feeling!

Where do you go when you’re “out of gas”? Sometimes we choose to go to our spouse or pick up the phone to talk to a friend or to that pail of ice cream in the 'frige. However, there is nothing else that can “fill you up” like Jesus can!

But as for me, I will sing about your power. I will shout with joy each morning because of your unfailing love. For you have been my refuge, a place of safety in the day of distress.
Psalm 59:16

More thoughts: the people who helped me (including Troy) could represent our friends and loved ones who lift us up in prayer...and push us to draw near to God. And the mechanic represents Jesus who can come in and fix the problem causing the “gas” to work in our lives as it should. :) Just some food for thought.