Tuesday, September 22, 2009


As I sit here at my laptop this evening I have a desire to write and share with you, but my spirit is weary. I sat here for a few moments with my face in my hands praying, "Lord, I don't even know what to say...or what to title it." The word weary came to mind...AGAIN.

It sounds depressing, yet weary is a word that has been on my mind...and tongue quite a bit lately. It describes how I often feel as I deal with chronic pain day in and day out. Pain that persists after a year...and many attempts at treatment.

I've wanted to share on my blog many times throughout the last couple of weeks, but sitting at the computer is painful. I promised to share more about my miscarriage loss and some things that I learned, yet lately I haven't been able to muster the engery. I still intend to do so, just not today. Most days it takes all I have to complete my regular tasks which includes caring for my husband, 2 1/2 year old son and our home. Weary, yes, weary...that's the word.

Being in constant pain can be a very lonely experience. Other people (even those the closest to you and that love you the most) can't really understand what it is like. Others continue moving through their busy days while you're lying on the couch praying for strength just to get through.

Then, a reminder comes...

Yesterday, I came across a scripture passage. One that I had read many times before. One that I have even used to encourage others during hard times. However, this time it hit me "like a ton of rocks." It was as if God was speaking it straight to my own weary heart!

Whom have I in heaven but you? I desire you more than anything on earth. My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever.
Psalm 73:25-26

As I read, my eyes filled with tears. The loneliness of this pain began to fade. Whom have I in heaven but you, Lord?! Oh yes, my health may fail...and for sure my spirit grows weak (and weary), but YOU remain the strength of my heart. You are mine forever! And nothing can change that! You know, care and understand. I desire nothing more than you, Lord!

God never promised us that this life would be easy. However, He did promise us that when we accept Him as our Lord and Savior that He will never leave us nor forsake us (Deut 31:6, 8 & Heb 13:5). We don't have to be discouraged or afraid because He will go with us. He will give us the strength (His strength not ours!) that we need to get through whatever struggle we face!

I don't know what the Lord has in store for me next. I know that God could heal me at this very moment if He chose to do so. I also know that God's ways are so beyond mine...so even when I don't understand what He is doing, I can trust Him and His plan for my life. He is teaching me things through the pain. I pray that I will have ears to hear and eyes to see all that He is trying to show me.

My weariness must turn into dependence on the One who is the strength of my heart. How reassuring to know that He cares; He will not leave me, nor forsake me; He is mine forever!

I pray that you also have that reassurance and hope today, my dear reading friend. As always, feel free to contact me with any prayer requests or questions you may have. I am here for you...even in the midst of the pain.


  1. Rachel, This is such a great post and though I'm not physically weary (although my feet are hurting and huge tonight) I can relate to your words more from a mental, emotional state as I try to process and journey thru all that God is leading me on and into. I love your line about turning our weariness into dependence - what a wonderful way to look at it. I'm praying for you my friend and am so encouraged to see though your physical body is weak, God continues to strengthen your spiritual side. You're a wonderful example for all of us! Talk to you soon, Jill

  2. What a beautiful expression of your heart Rachel. I know of the lonliness of pain and the weariness of enduring from my experience with anxiety and depression...and now my dear friend is suffering with something, but all tests (lymes and lupus) are coming back negative. From this end, I want to do more, be better at comforting, but I see my limitations, and find myself at the same place...dependence. My prayers are the most beneficial, and keeping in contact. I am sure she feels like the world is revolving without her...and you get that.

    May the Lord, our Jehovah Rapha, heal you!
    Love, Kathy

  3. Lord,
    I lift up my sister, Rachel, to you. I do not know her, have never met her, but you know her Lord and you love her. Help her to remember during her times of despondancy that "you will never leave her nor forsake her" "you will lift her up on Eagle's wings, you will shelter her". May your will be done in her life and may she have the strength to walk the path that is laid before her.
    In Jesus Name

  4. Rachel, we just got back from an out of state trip, and I saw your email. To answer your questions, some people offered their sympathy for our loss. But would you believe a close family member told me to just get over it? She said we already had 4 healthy children, so this last one didn't matter. (!!!)

    We didn't have any more after this last miscarriage, but today we have two healthy, happy grandchildren that we love deeply!

    I hope your weariness and pain are not connected to what you shared in your email! My heart goes out to you. I love Jekka's prayer for you, and I stand together with her in believing God will raise you up on eagle's wings.

    Love and grace,


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