Will He Be the Last?

Today I'm joining the Five Minute Friday link up with the prompt "Last".  I will write for 5 minutes flat with not editing.  :)

Last...

I look at his sweet, 3 year old face and I wonder, "Will he be the last?"  My Noah.  He is my little one.  The one others say looks like me.  The affectionate, compassionate, tender-hearted, very expressive little one.  He melts my heart and makes me smile.

My oldest has his own special traits. Andrew is hard working, deep thinking, inquisitive, daring and a detail oriented leader (even at 6).  He loves quality time with mom (which I love too!).  But, his ability to freely and sincerely offer words of encouragement is one of the things I love about him most.




Both of them incredibly bright, talkative and full of energy.  Each of them a unique and special individual.

I wonder what our three babies in Heaven would have been like blended into our family.

Sometimes with a bit of sadness I wonder, "Will he be the last?"  I'm open to what God has for us.  Another child or not.  Another pregnancy, adoption or foster care.  Something else?  Still, I grieve what could have been.  What I thought was a perfect plan.

As I cuddle my two growing babies, both last and first, I praise God for what He's given and I cherish them.  Trusting that He gives what's best.  Knowing I'm never His last priority, rather His first choice.  So I surrender my ideas, in faith believing His plan is the perfect one...even when I don't understand all of it.  Even when I have no idea what that plan will look like in the days ahead.

Today as I wonder about my future as a mom, I, one more time, but probably not for the last time, lift up my hands and let go to the One I trust. Whether Noah is my last child or not, I anxiously anticipate what God has for me next.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11


Check out what others had to say about this topic by clicking on the link below:

Transformation Through His Word

On Saturday I had the opportunity to to share my testimony at ReNEWed Life Women's Event.  The focus was "How God has Transformed My Life Through the Word".  Here I will share what I said (or at least close to it)

Really there was soooo much more I wanted to say.  I mean, really, how has the Word NOT transformed my life?!  I love God's Word!  But I had a 5 minute or less goal (even though I think I might have talked 6 minutes).  This seems like such a vague overview of my life and the way the LORD has worked in me.  Then again, I believe it was what He wanted me to say for "such a time as this"...and so I never want to say more or less than that.  :) 

I grew up faithfully attending church and went to Christian school from kindergarten through 12^th grade.  At the young age of 5 I made the choice at the preaching of the Word of God to ask Jesus Christ to be my personal Savior.  I had a strong faith growing up.   I was taught the Word.  I even memorized a lot of scriptures. 

But as a young adult I found myself in a different place.   I was not only exposed to different ways of thinking,  I became angry with God when things didn’t go the way I thought they should.  I aslo had this nagging feeling that I could never measure up to the perfectionistic expectation God and others put on me. So I gave up.   One bad choice at a time, I began living life my own way.   I sought after the things the world had to offer me.     

During that time, I twisted the Word of God to fit my own agenda.  I told myself that it didn’t really matter how I lived, what I did or what others thought of me, that God loved me and I was okay with Him.   I thought I was so free.  But I had forgotten the truth I had learned, that a person can either be slave to Christ or a slave to sin, there is no other way.

Even though I was still often smiling on the outside, inside I was so conflicted.  The Holy Spirit used the Truth I learned as a girl to convict me.  I couldn’t escape it.  His Word most certainly is alive and active…” (Heb 4:12) and it was working in me. 

One day I came to a crossroads.  The world had left me, as it always does, in a pit.  My poor choices had left me with consequences.  I fell down on my knees and cried out to God.  I asked Him to forgive me and I promised to submit my life to Him completely. 

Everything changed from that day.  I realized I had been believing a lie.  God never asked me to be perfect.  But He did say, “If you love me you will obey me.”  Ironically, when I became a slave to Christ, I never felt freer!

When I recommitted my life to the LORD, I began to get back into His Word and let His Word get into me.  I have found that every time I open the Bible (with little kids it can be hard to find time, but when I take the time) God show me something that is relevant to my life.  I have grown in my faith.  I’m thankful for that because when hard days come (and they still come whether you’re a Christian or not), I am prepared.  I have my heart and mind set on Truth.   

I was thankful for that foundation when despite being overjoyed at the birth of our first son, weeks later my hormones plummeted and I experienced a severe case of PPD.  I was filled with such hopelessness, fear, despair and a desire to die.  It was the Word of God, the Truth that I knew from being in His Word beforehand; the Truth that other shared with me that got me through.  I repeated over and over II Tim 1:7, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love and of a sound mind.”

Then the miscarriages came.  During those tough days others spoke words of encouragement to us, but it was the Truth in God’s Word, that encouraged me the most.  Yes, it was hard.  But even in the midst of grief His Word filled me with peace and hope.   

(I wish I would have shared what I originally planned...I knew that as Proverbs 3:5 says that I must "Trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding.")

When I had my third miscarriage last year, I knew it was time to put the faith I said I had into action.  Faith is taking God at His Word.  In Psalm 33 (4-5, 20-22) I read, “For the Word of the LORD holds true and we can trust everything He does.  He loves whatever is just and good; the unfailing love of the LORD fills the earth. We put our hope in the LORD.  He is our help and our shield. In Him our hearts rejoice for we trust in His holy name.”  The question was did I believe it.  I chose to believe.  No, I didn’t understand why, and I still don’t, but I don’t have to really, because I trust my Master. 

I still have a lot to learn and that’s why I keep going back to His Word.

This isn’t just for me, friends.  As I close I want you to know, it doesn’t matter who you are or where you’re from or even where you’ve been or what you’ve done, God has a plan for your life.  There’s nothing He can’t forgive.  There’s no one He won’t change.  There’s not one thing He won’t see you through… if you will submit your life to Him completely.  Get into His Word.  Abide in it.  “Then” as John 8:32 says, “you will know the Truth and the Truth will set you free.” 

Soon I hope to share more about that fabulous day at ReNEWed Life Women's Event.  After so much planning and preparation, it was a joy to see it all come to fruition.  It was a day of answered prayers!  Our God-gifted and spirit-led guest speaker, Wendy Blight, spoke beautiful Truth to our hearts. The worship music was amazing!  The other local speakers "hit it out of the ball park"!  God was glorified...and my heart rejoices!  He is amazing!!

Where Have I Been?

I've been here...

in my garden. (You can't see 1/2 of it)

And when you have a big garden you have to do something with all it produces.  So I've been here too...

in my kitchen.  This day I was canning pickles.

And here...

at VBS with my kids (plus helping and teaching the 12 preschool/kindergarten kids!) last week.

And here...

baling hay yesterday.  My husband was on the rack and our two boys were in the tractor cab with me.

And working on this...

ReNEWed Life Women's Event.

I help plan and organize this women's conference coming up on Saturday, August 10th.  This year, I will also be sharing my testimony that day.  Prayers are much appreciated!

Add in all the responsibilities of a wife and mom and the busyness of summer. Plus a couple of visits from my Indiana family.  Before long we will begin a new year of MOPS and homeschool.  My how time flies!

Life is full.  I am blessed and thankful.  God is good...all  the  time.  When I have time to sit down and write I will.  In the mean time, I will savor these moments and try to remember what He's teaching me through them.  Will you do the same?

"So I decided that there is nothing better than to enjoy food and drink and to find satisfaction in work.  Then I realized this pleasure is from the hand of God.  For who can eat or enjoy anything apart from Him?"

Ecclesiastes 2:24-25

Teachable Moments ~ Learning Together

He was stomping his feet, head back, crying at full octane when I picked him up and headed out the door of the chiropractor's office.  People staring and one lady giving me advice.  Ugh!

I asked myself, "What happened?"  The first two times I took my boys to the chiropractor with me they sat so nice, they played in the little corner of toys provided for them as the doctor adjusted me.  They didn't argue.  They weren't loud.  I was so proud of them.  But today was a new day.  A frustrating day.  An embarrassing one.

It is times like these when I hear the words of friends with grown children, "These are the best days of your life" play in the back of my head.  And, although I'm certain that these days when our children are little is a time to cherish, I'm equally as certain that there are a few details my friends have forgotten over time.  Ha! :-)

Noah was still wailing when we got outside.  There, on the sidewalk, we had a talk about how his (and big brother's) behavior was unacceptable and the consequences of such actions (in 3 year old terms, of course).  He calmed down.

By the time we crossed the street and headed into the grocery store he was fine.  In fact, he and his brother were as good as gold as I shopped.  We picked up just a few items and headed to the counter.  The cashier commented on their cute, blond curls and asked if my "good little boys" could have a sucker.  They politely said, "Thank you" for their free treat as we headed out the door as the cashier commented on their manners.

Oh my!  In mere minutes I went from looking like an incompetent mom to a grand one.

A few years ago, when my oldest was the youngest one's age, I would have been mortified when such a breakdown (like the one in the chiropractor) took place.  I would have felt terrible about my mothering skills and the behavior of my child.  In turn, I would have patted myself on the back when my child behaved well.  Those things did cross my mind, but this day I refused to let my mind and feelings go there.  Yes, I was embarrassed in the chiropractor's office (who wouldn't be, right?) and I was pleased when they "got it right" in the grocery store.  But I have learned, even though it's not easy, that I have to separate my identity not only from my child's behavior, but from what other people think of me...and even what they think of my children.

I know the truth.  I know that I love my sons and am trying to teach them rightly.  I know that my boys aren't bad boys.  I know they're just learning and it's my job to teach them.  Much like I'm leaning and it's God's job to teach me.  I know that God loves imperfect me and my imperfect kids.  He sees it all.  He knows our hearts.  And He's the One that we answer to.    

I also know that I love my kids too much to let behavior like that go.  So I ceased the teachable moment and chalked it up to experience, for my sons and myself.  And I thanked God for opportunities like this to see how He is teaching and growing us.

What I learned came in handy a week later when my little boy was running through the grocery store, just seconds after I told him not to, and knocked over a display of hot sauce...only feet away from the owner of the store.  Sigh.  It's an ongoing process, friends.

Now I'm praying they will behave the next time we go to the chiropractor! ;)  If not, I know God will remind us of this lesson or teach all of us a new one.

"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it."  

Proverbs 22:6

(What a comfort to know this Truth!)

Look at those sweet, little, dirty faces!
Thankful we are learning together!

Today I am joining Jill Savage for the Third Thursday Blog Hop.  Okay, so it's Friday.  Better late than never, right?!  ;-)

Click on the link below to check out what others had to say about today's topic,

"No More Perfect Kids".

What Is Your Story?

Me, my Siblings and Mom

I love how each of us have our own unique sphere of influence.  All of us have a unique story, maybe similar to another's story, but never identical.  I love how God uses the circumstances of our lives, and the people in it, to influence us.  How we learn and grow and change.  Then, if we're brave enough, we can share our experience with others...so that they too can praise God for all He's done

That's just what my big (little) sister is doing (I call her that because although she's my older sister, she's smaller than me, as you can see in the picture above).  My sister, Deena, started her own blog.  She has quite a story.  And I'm sooo proud of her for stepping out to share it!

Go check out Deena's first blog post here!  Leave her an encouraging comment.  Be blessed!  :)

Remember if you have been saved by God's redeeming grace YOU have a story too!  So, what is your story?  It may not be like Deena's or mine.  But it's your story and it matters.  Share it.  See what God will do!

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them.  Romans 8:28

Finding Joy in the Present

The present is a hard place to live in sometimes.  It's all too easy it seems to get wrapped up in the past.  The mistakes, the fumbles, even the triumphs.  Even though we can't go back.  Then, it's the future that we're often longing for, planning for and looking ahead at.  Even though we really have no idea what it will bring.

But the present, well, it's here.  It's here in the midst of today's to-do list.  It's here in reality.  It's here now. And we mostly rush through it.  Busy.  Preoccupied.  Often overlooking the beauty in it.  Thinking that tomorrow we will have time to enjoy today.  Unfortunately, that tomorrow seems to never come.

My lillies: one beauty in today

Where is the joy in the present?  It's here, waiting to be recognized.  We can rush right past it.

I'd prefer to live fully in the moment I am given.  This one.  To live life with my eyes wide open.  Aware.  Thankful.  Joyful in the "now" of my life story.

I can't change the past.  I can't determine the future.  But I can choose to entrust both of them to the One Who made me.  I can also choose to thank Him for the gift of the present, no matter what my circumstances or agenda for the day, by living fully in it.

Will you join me, friend?

"This is the day the LORD has made.  We will rejoice and be glad in it." 

 Psalm 118:24

“I don't really want more time; I just want enough time. Time to breathe deep and time to see real and time to laugh long, time to give You glory and rest deep and sing joy and just enough time in a day not to feel hounded, pressed, driven, or wild to get it all done-yesterday.”  ― Ann Voskamp

Today I'm joining Lisa-Jo Baker for 5 Minute Friday.

This is when I "just write without worrying if it's just right or not.  For five minutes flat with not editing, tweaking, or self-critiquing." 

Today's word:  Present.

Click the link above to see what others had to write on this same topic.

Worn Out

Since the last time I blogged I had a Birthday.  Good ol' 37 years.  "How did I get here?" I sometimes wonder.  But then, I remember, I lived all of those 37 years.  Although I can't remember most of them, I did live them.  Maybe that's why I feel so worn out.  :)

Sometimes I blame it on my kids.  Sometimes I blame my husband, the farm, the garden or the housework.  Sometimes I blame my health issues and physical struggles.  But, most of the time, I realize I'm worn out because this life is wearing.  It truly is.

There are so many challenges in our world.  It's easy to feel pushed, pulled, needed, demanded, over-committed, over-stimulated, over-booked and rushed all the time.  Which can lead us to become all together stressed, anxious and worn out!  Especially when we're doing all that we do within our own power.

Ugh!

When I'm feeling worn out (like today) I remember these Scripture verses, their message often lost in their familiarity,

"Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, for I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."  Matthew 11:28-30

I don't have to be strong enough, good enough or just enough of anything.  He is enough!

He promised that if we come to Him, depend on and abide in Him, that He will give us rest.  And, unlike others, He never breaks His promises.  We can trust the one who is enough.

I didn't plan to write this blog post today.  Yet, as I thought of this, I felt compelled to share.  Maybe there's someone else who needs this reminder today.  Maybe that person is you.

Let's come to Him today and lay our burdens at His feet.  For He will give us, the worn out ones, rest!

Even my little ones get down right worn out.
Noah (3) fell asleep at the lunch table a few
days ago.  :)  Now, that's tired!