My "Perfect" Marriage ~ A New Definition

We started out so sweet; an incredibly romantic, nearly perfect love story.  It was love at first sight (or should I say first chat?). 

God can use whatever tool He wants to bring two people together.  In our case it happened to be a cheesy, so called Christian website. 

We started chatting at the end of March.  We talked on the phone for hours.  We met face to face, half way between my home in Midwestern Indiana and his in Northeast Iowa, at the end of April.  We got engaged at the end of June.  And married at the end of August.  Some people saw it as a fast and furious courtship.  When you know you've found what you've been looking for, you just know.  That's how it was for us. 

Just look at us...

We were blissfully happy on our wedding day!

Then life happened.  It just did.  Even worse, we happened. 

Eight and a half years later I post pictures like the one below on my Facebook. All smiles. Looks almost perfect, doesn't it?  It's easy to give off this "perfect life" persona, not even meaning to.

Reality check: Marriage, parenthood, LIFE can be hard. 

Yes, we still love each other.  Yes, we're happy and incredibly thankful for all our blessings.  Yes, he's a terrific guy and he says I'm a terrific gal.  Still we've had our ups and downs like all people do.   

We've been blessed with healthy babies, 2 precious boys.  Then, there were the 3 miscarriages that challenged and increased our faith (not to mention the ways parenting has stretched us!). 

We've experienced good weather and hearty crops.  Then, there were the droughts and low cattle prices.  Big deals for a farmer and his wife, our whole livelihood.

We've faced health and family issues, sleeplessness, bad attitudes and parenting dilemmas. 

And, guess what, we don't always see eye to eye.  Gasp!

Even though we're followers of Jesus Christ and we desire to honor Him with our lives, we fail.

God never promised us that this life (or our marriage) would be easy. He did promise that He will go with us, helping, guiding and enabling us through this journey. He also promised that if we do it His way He will bless us. His way is Perfect! 

The problem is we don't always follow His way, we follow our flesh.  We're imperfect.  Therefore our marriage is imperfect.  Or is it?

A few months ago our pastor preached on Matthew 5:48.  "But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect."  These words were spoken by Jesus himself.  Being the perfectionist that I am that word "perfect" always bothered me.  How can we ever be perfect as He is perfect?  When our pastor explained the definition of this word in the original language the way it was used in this text, it all made perfect sense (no pun intended). 

Perfect: maturing, growing, thriving.  Having mature motives.

That definition of "Perfect" gave me a whole new outlook.

Perhaps my marriage is Perfect after all.  Because it is in the every day stuff of life, through the challenges and triumphs that we share, that we are maturing, growing and thriving, having mature motives...a prize set before us: Perfect (see def above) Love.

 

The longer I'm married the more I understand the perfect love that Jesus calls us to. Not that I'm getting it pefectly right.  I'm not.  But I'm learning more about God's kind of love...

Love that casts off fear. 

Love that's patient and enduring.

 Love that's kind even when we don't feel like it. 

 Love that swallows pride to say sorry. 

 Love that looks past offenses and lets them go.  

 

Choosing to put on a gentle and quiet spirit, rather than a stormy and demanding one.  Choosing to love my husband, day by day, moment by moment, no matter what. Not because he deserves it or because I'm so good or he's so good, but because HE is good.  And I'm seeing this same kind of love being modeled through my husband! 

 

Nope, it's not easy.  It's challenging.  But our marriage is teaching us to be more like Jesus...which is just what we desire. 

 

So I embrace our "Perfect" Marriage, as we learn and grow together. 

Choosing to love. (It truly is a choice!)

Being stretched. 

Becoming more like Jesus in the process. 

Striving for Perfect Love while living in the reality of our own imperfections. 

It's a perfectly beautiful thing!

 

I LOVE MY HUSBAND!

 

To read more blog posts on this topic check out the

Hearts At Home Third Thursday Blog Hop

 

Read another blog post about Marriage by me: But God...

 

Follow Life In Beranville on Pinterest or sign up for e-mail updates in the right hand side bar.  :)

Helping Everyone "Out There"

I listened to her talk.  Telling me all about this big thing she had been working on.  All in the name of Christ, of course. 

She had spent time, quite a bit of it. 
She had spent money, quite a bit of it. 
She had exerted effort, quite a bit of it.
She used her God given talents and interests, quite a bit of them.

She was reaching out to the needy ones "out there".  People she didn't know.  But God knows.

I listened.  I wondered.  Nothing wrong with any of it.  But still I wondered, why? 

Not that she shouldn't, because somebody should.  But why all this time, money, effort and talent for this?  For them, the unknown?  What was the appeal?  Why not help those right here in front of her?  Honestly, I thought of my own need that day and wondered why she didn't notice.

Before I could examine her any further I knew I had to stop to look in the mirror first.  Take a look inward instead of judging outward.  Why do I do what I do?  I'm afraid I'm as guilty as anyone.

Ah, I spend so much time helping everyone "out there".  Three blogs.  Four Facebook pages.  Big women's events.  A few ministries that I participate in and/or support.

Not that I shouldn't, because somebody should.  But why all this time, money, effort and talent for these things? 

First, am I so busy helping everyone "out there", that I'm missing those right here? 

Because ministry doesn't just happen at a big event or soup kitchen or missionary post in Timbuktu.  Sure, it happens there, but just as much it happens in our own homes, communities, jobs and churches. How am I living out the message I say I believe?  Ministry happens on Facebook and blogs, sure.  But what about at the grocery store?  What about in my own home?  Quite honestly, it's easier, most of the time, to help everyone "out there". 

Then, I asked myself, "What's my motivation?"  Because the motivation of my heart is even more important than what I actually do! 

Donating money, running ministries and writing on Christian blogs sounds more glamourous than scrubbing floors and washing clothes.  But I don't think what the world sees as important is necessarily what God sees as important.  In fact, I don't think the things that impress the world impress Him at all.  Yet, do I seek their honor above His?

^"But among you it will be different. Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first among you must become your slave. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

Matthew 20:26-28

It's good to check my heart.  Do I do these seemingly big things to look impressive and receive human glory?  Do I serve in the trenches when no one is looking, besides the One who matters, with humility and love as my Savior, Jesus, did?  Because scrubbing floors and washing clothes with the right heart attitude are pleasing to the One who made me and saved me.  They are service in His name just the same, if not more.

How many times in my attempt to help everyone "out there", have I missed the opportunity right here.  That sick friend who needed a meal.  The little son who needed some cuddle time.  The elderly neighbor who could use a call or visit.  A husband who needed his wife.  The department store clerk who needs an encouraging word.  I miss it too often.

It starts in the heart.

What should I be doing right here...with no other motivation but the love of Jesus that dwells in me? 

What should you be doing?  It's a question worth asking.

Note: God has ministry for us right here and out there. Both big and (seemingly) small. What a shame to miss any part of these divine opportunities.  Whatever He's leading me and you to do, may we do it with no other motivation but love.

 

"Take care! Don't do your good deeds publicly, to be admired, because then you will lose the reward from your Father in heaven. When you give a gift to someone in need, don't shout about it as the hypocrites do -- blowing trumpets in the synagogues and streets to call attention to their acts of charity! I assure you, they have received all the reward they will ever get. But when you give to someone, don't tell your left hand what your right hand is doing. Give your gifts in secret, and your Father, who knows all secrets, will reward you." Matthew 6:1-4

It begins here.  In the every day.  I serve.  But do I serve in love? 

What is my attitude when no one is looking, but Him?

The ones right here before my eyes (and their daddy) are my first ministry.

It starts in the heart.  Oh, not to forget!

 

Who has God put in your realm of influence?

 

Moms out there, check out this post I recently read about Christlike Mothering. Good!!

Relate?  Leave a comment.  I love hearing from friends...both right here and out there! :)
   

No More Perfect Moms

I have attended the Heart at Home Northeast Conference (in Rochester, MN) three times. It has been such a blessing to me each time. Great keynote speakers, breakout sessions, musical guests, resources, overall encouragement and practical tips to be the mom God created me to be!

Jill Savage, the founder of Hearts at Home (and a blogger I enjoy following) is the "real deal". 

 

Today I am sharing a little bit about here newest book, the conference and some opportunities for you to get FREE rescources!! 

 

Keep reading! :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hearts at Home encourages moms to embrace imperfection!

 

You always knew you would be the perfect mom. Then you had children.

Now that you know more, it’s probably safe to say that most days haven’t turn out like you imagined.

We’ve all been there.

When life doesn’t measure up to our expectations, it’s easy to feel like we’ve failed as mothers and we begin asking, “What’s wrong with me?”

The truth is nothing is wrong with you. You are normal. Your frustrations, your disappointments and your struggles are the same frustrations, disappointments and struggles that every mom is going through.

Hearts at Home is offering two opportunities for moms to embrace and celebrate their imperfections right along with others who are doing this “mom thing,” too!

No More Perfect Moms, the newly-released book by Hearts at Home Founder and CEO, Jill Savage, will help moms rid themselves of the “Perfection Infection.” With refreshing honesty, author Jill Savage exposes some of her own parental shortcomings with the goal of helping mothers everywhere shelve their desires for perfection along with their insecurities of not measuring up to other moms.

And, if you purchase the book any time between February 3-9 (online or at a store…and yes, electronic versions such as Kindle and Nook count too!) and send a copy of your receipt to NoMorePerfectMoms@moody.edu, you'll be given access to well over $100 worth of resources that will help you on your mothering journey - absolutely free! 

What will you receive? Click here for a full list of audio workshops, printables and books and all the details about how to buy the book!

Then plan to join thousands of moms, just like you, as they celebrate their imperfections on March 15-16, 2013, at the Hearts at Home 2013 National Conference, on the campus of Illinois State University in Normal, IL.

Registration is open!  GREAT speakers and music!!

Choose the two-day Friday PLUS! option for a main session and three or four workshops on Friday, plus choose three or four additional workshops on Saturday or choose to attend either Friday or Saturday. Add Moms Night Out on Friday for a great day – or two – away!

Main sessions feature keynote speakers Candace Cameron Bure – mom, producer, New York Times’ best-selling author and actress, and best known for her role as "D.J." on Full House – and Jill Savage – author and CEO and Founder of Hearts at Home.

Moms Night Out welcomes Anita Renfroe (link to:  http://www.anitarenfroe.com), well known for her pop culture parody of the William Tell Overture-Mom Style and special musical guest Meredith Andrews.

More than 30 workshops with titles including Seven Habits of Highly Effective Moms, Real Ways to Connect With Your Kids, Boys R Us--Raising Boys from 2 to 22, and Wise Women Raising Wiser Daughters, give you the opportunity to design the day around your own needs.

With a sell-out crowd at last year’s conference, early registration is encouraged. The Best Value Registration Deadline is February 20, 2013.

Click here for full descriptions of all speakers and workshops and to start the registration process. Group discounts are available!

What my 4 Year Old Taught Me About Forgiveness (a repost)

I first shared this post on September 27, 2011.  Much has happened since then.  My little man will turn 6 years old in a few days.  God's still using him and his little brother to teach me lessons...and I've taught them, by God's grace, quite a few too.  So thankful for the way we continue to grow.

 

I've heard it said that unforgiveness in our hearts is liking drinking poison and expecting it to kill the other person.  To live a happy, Spiritually healthy life we must choose to forgive...and not just when we're asked.  It takes practice and a willing heart, much like any other discipline in this life. 

 

I re-read this a few weeks ago.  My own words ministered to me.  Love how God does that!  So I thought I'd share again, in case you someone else needed to read it too.  :)  Please read more...

Another Lesson from my 4 year old...Forgiveness

Oh, the things I learn from my children!

A few days ago I raised my voice at my 4 year old. Yes, I know, I shouldn't do this. And, yes, I know how important my words are...and that it's not Christ like to yell...and that I wasn't setting a good example for my children. Yes, I know. I am ashamed of it. But, the truth is, I did what I know I shouldn't.

I'm sure you didn't assume I was perfect. Of course, this all out proves that I am not. As much as I love my boys and as much as I want to be the perfect mom, I still blow it more often than I'd like to. Thankful for God's grace...and for continued growth.

After I raised my voice, I felt terrible. I asked the Lord to forgive me. Then, I went with a repentant heart to ask my little Andrew for his forgiveness. I said, "Andrew, I'm sorry for raising my voice at you. That was't right. Will you please forgive me?" He said, "Yes, I forgive you, Mommy. It's okay." I said, "No, it's not okay, I shouldn't have raised my voice at you." He looked surprised as he replied, "It's okay, Mommy. I forgive you." I told him thank you and out of my own shame said I was sorry again. He said, "I forgive you, Mommy. It's okay. I already forgave you before you even asked."

Did you catch that? He already forgave me before I even asked!

Wow! Tears flooded my eyes...unmerited, undeserved forgiveness before I asked...just because he loves me! What a relief! What joy flooded my heart!

I need to take a lesson from my 4 year old!! Do you also?

Instead of taking offense, holding a grudge, and critically looking at another's faults; how much better to overlook and forgive...without being asked...not because it's merited or deserved...just because of LOVE!

Make allowance for each other's faults, and forgive anyone who offends you.

Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. 

Colossians 3:13

 

"Anyone who overlooks an offense promotes love..."

Proverbs 17:9a

 

Read other posts about Forgiveness here.

 

 

 

A Thankful Heart, Good Medicine

At the end of October our oldest little boy (5 1/2) and I made our own Thanksgiving Countdown Tree.  I can't take credit for the idea.  I saw it on some Facebook page (if I remembered where I would give credit where credit is due).  We had so much fun working on it together.

Each day from then until Thanksgiving we removed one leaf from the tree, wrote something each of the 4 of us (even our 2 1/2 year old) were thankful for on it, then put it at the bottom of the tree. 

By Thanksgiving Day the tree was bear and the leaves at the bottom represented so much to be thankful for!  We read each of them aloud...and thanked God again.

It was a fun thing to do.  But, more than that, it was a great exercise to teach our children the power of praise and thanksgiving.  To point out their blessings.  To direct their thanks to the Giver of all good gifts.  To teach them to recognize how faithful and good He is, in all things.  It was good for their mama and daddy too!

“How my eyes see, perspective, is my key to enter into His gates. I can only do so with thanksgiving. If my inner eye has God seeping up through all things, then can't I give thanks for anything? And if I can give thanks for the good things, the hard things, the absolute everything, I can enter the gates to glory. Living in His presence is fullness of joy- and seeing shows the way in.”  Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are

Oh, to have eyes to see...to really see! 

 

The problem is we don't often slow down enough to see, to recognize how blessed we are.
 

I've been very focused on pursuing better physical health recently.  Even been sharing parts of my journey on my other blog Health In Beranville and corresponding Facebook page.  But I know overall health goes a lot deeper than the physical.

"A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person's strength." 

Proverbs 17:22

I believe a thankful heart is a cheerful heart.  A thankful heart does not focus on the negative.  It does count blessings (even in the hard stuff of life).  It's like medicine, healing salve for our souls!  How can we not be cheerful (to be down hearted) when our heart is full of thankfulness?!  

Today I plan to take extra time be still.  To rest in His presence.  To ask Him to give me eyes to see, really see, just how blessed I am.  To praise Him, the Giver, because He is so very good!  To nourish my soul.

Have you stopped to count your blessings today?  Have you praised the Giver?  If not, what's stopping you?  Take the time...right now!

Having a hard time knowing where to start?  Can't see the good?  What about this, did you wake up this morning with air in your lungs.  Of course you did.  Today is another chance.  His mercies are new every morning (Lam 3:23).  Do you have a roof over your head, clothes on your back, internet access, food in your belly?  If so, you are richer than a large majority of people on this planet.  He is good and faithful and His loves endures forever.

Oh, if only we have eyes to see, really see! 

"Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good!
His faithful love endures forever

Give thanks to the God of gods.
His faithful love endures forever.

Give thanks to the Lord of lords.
His faithful love endures forever."

 

Psalm 136:1-3 

 

Related Posts that you might enjoy:

Don't Cry Over Spilled Lemonade &

Stop That Whining!

A Healthy Soul (and intro to a NEW BLOG)

I've been on a health kick here in Beranville.  Not some hippy, trendy weight loss diet or New Year's Resolution.  No, more like a whole lifestyle change.  Something that's well overdue. 

"Remember, it is sin to know what you ought to do and then not do it." James 4:17

Lately I've decided to spend a lot more time focusing on my physical health because, quite frankly, I'm sick and tired of feeling sick and tired all-the-time.  I need to feel better in order to do all the things I know God has called me to do.

I decided to take the coming months to do something about it.  To take steps toward better health, including a healthy diet and ridding my home and body of toxins.  I even started a new blog to share what I'm doing and learning with others and to keep myself accountable to stick to it.

But I know that health goes beyond the body to the soul. 

 

"For bodily discipline is only of little profit, but godliness is profitable for all things,

since it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come."

I Tim 4:8 NASB 

As a believer and follower of Jesus Christ I can't neglect to pursue nourishment for my soul, much in the same way that I'm attempting to nourish my body.

Health gurus talk about building emotional and spiritual health with everything from meditation to stress relief techniques.  But I believe the best way to nourish my soul (emotions and spirit included) is spending quiet time with the One who made me.  This includes time for prayer, talking to God and seeking His guidance.  It also includes Bible study, getting into the Holy Word and letting it get into me.  These are my food and preventive medicines for the soul.

I'm not talking about empty religious rituals or checklists.  I'm talking about a thriving relationship with Jesus.  I know from experience that nothing else provides all that our souls are longing for like He does.  Knowing Him fills my soul with hope, joy and peace that no bodily diet, exercise program or stress relieving technique can even come close to.  Knowing Him fills me with happiness unlike any brownie or being able to fit into that "skinny" dress ever could. 

Just like my healthy diet it takes diligence to spend time with Him each day.  As I wrote on Health in Beranville, we always make time for what's important to us.  If you asked me I would say my relationship with Jesus is very, very important to me.  Yet, I've been guilty at times of neglecting my soul nourishment.  It's easy to make excuses like I'm too busy or it's too hard.  Then I wonder why I feel weak.  I must remember to nourish my soul daily!

Will you join me on my quest toward better health both physical and spiritual?!  I'd love it if you would! 

*First, make a commitment today to spend concentrated time with the LORD each day this week, then follow through.  If you need tips on where to start feel free to e-mail me: rachel76x@yahoo.com

*Then, join me on my health quest.  Follow my Health in Beranville blog (either through blogger or sign up for e-mail updates in the right hand side bar).  There I will share my trials and errors, triumphs and failures as I pursue better health.  I'll share healthy diet ideas and steps I'm taking to rid my home and family of toxins (including my self-tried recipes for personal care and cleaning products), plus other tips toward wellness.  I'd love company on the journey! 

P.S. Don't have a personal relationship with Jesus?  Don't understand how you could possibly have a relationship with someone you can't see?  Have questions?  I'l looove to talk to you about that.  Again, here's my e-mail: rachel76x@yhahoo.com

Blog Break

It's really not a lack of things to write.  It's really not a lack of desire to do so.  I think of things to share.  So much really.  Yet, words and time escape me.  Lacking direction.  It's become a source of frustration for me. 

So today I announce a break.  A break from writing on my blog until the message is more clear.  I will take the time to focus in on the One who compels me to write...and seek His direction on what comes next for me and this blog. 

Best wishes to my reading friends.  Thank you for your patience.