Saturday, July 18, 2015

Necessary Silence (Adoption)

I wrote this a month ago, but didn't post it....

I've been silent on my blog for a while.  Necessarily silent.

The process of Adoption.  It's complicated.  Both good and hard at times.  It's a beautiful blessing.  A huge adjustment.  A high calling.  Exhausting.  An indescribable joy.  It can be isolating. 

Nothing has made me more aware of the brokenness of this world.  The world's depravity.  My own need for a Savior.  And, in turn, it freshly reveals His grace upon grace upon grace.

To have another woman's children tightly squeeze my neck and say, "I love you, Mom."  Bittersweet.  My heart aches for her loss.  Yet, my heart sings over my gain, over God's redemptive love and sovereignty.  He gives a future and a hope!  I don't understand all the "whys".  I don't need to. 

There are so many words flowing through my mind.  But, right now, I'm (mostly) silent on this blog.  Not because I don't have anything to say.  Instead, I'm choosing, in the small snippets of times I'm allowed, to be still and listen to the One who created me.  Not because I'm so holy.  Because it's a necessity

I'm more acutely aware of my desperate need of His wisdom, peace, perspective and Holy Spirit guidance through this whole process.  Aware I am not in control of things.

I don't want pity.  I am so blessed!  I love these kids!  But the fact is, adjusting, no matter how amazing the kids are or how closely I'm walking with Jesus, takes time, patience, prayer and motivated effort, not just for the kids, for Mom and Dad too. 

He is doing His work.  Refining.  Reshaping.  Lovingly revealing those deep places that need to be more wholly surrendered.  As my husband and I try to live out the Gospel, the truths of Scripture are coming alive.  He's growing and maturing us as we're pouring into all four of our children.  The LORD is so cool like that!  :)

His ways are so beyond my ways.  Yet, as we journey ahead, He gives me these beautiful glimpses into His vast glory and goodness and answers to prayer.   He's showing me His faithfulness (again!).  I praise Him for that.  It keeps me moving forward in faith. 

Sometime I hope to share here at least a few of the testimonies of His goodness through this process.  There's so much to tell.  But for now, I will choose silence in His presence over blogging.  I want to prayerfully listen, lean in and hopefully learn as we continue to find our new "normal."

I pray we will lead a life worthy of our calling, for we have been called by God."
(Ephesians 4:1)   

I pray the same for you, dear reader.  Have you taken time today to be silent?  Are you listening for His voice?  He's there.  Waiting.  Eager to engage.  Ready to help.  You need Him. 

Another month has passed now.  Our new "normal" is feeling more normal.  I'm counting my blessings as well as counting down the days to legal adoption day.  And I'm praising the LORD for all He has done, continues to do and what I believe He will do in the future.  God is good all the time!

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