How to Simplify this Christmas...and Save Your Sanity!

How do you picture the perfect Christmas?  If you're like me, you probably picture something like this...

A beautiful family, in perfectly coordinated sweater, and with unified hearts, sit around a perfectly shaped and decorated (real, not artificial, of course) Christmas tree, sipping hot cocoa with marshmallows.  A cheesy smile on each face, as they open gorgeously wrapped gifts that are not only exactly what the receiver wanted, but given in the purest desire from the bottom of the giver's heart.  Inside, the house is not only decorated beautifully, it's in perfect order.  Outside, the ground is covered in a fresh, white snow.  And, in the next room, there's a long dining room table covered with a feast fit to feed a king...and his family...his court...and his entire kingdom.  Every dish is filled to the brim, looks absolutely scrumptious and perfectly browned turkey, fully intact and steamy hot, sits right in the middle of the table.  Peace, joy, love...Christmas bliss.   

It's a sight right out of a Hallmark movie, right?!

Then there's reality.  

You make the long trip to Grandma's house despite a long week of caring for puking kids and the treacherous, icy road conditions of the day.  You're stressed out before you even arrive.  The kids run off as soon as you get in the door.  And, before you can even get your coat off, one of them is crying.  A cousin hit them in the head with a toy.  You try to comfort amd lecture about sharing, both at the same time.  Child hanging on you, you begin to "pit out" in your holiday sweater (of course, you are the only one wearing a sweater...and the house feels like it's 500 degrees).  Grandma's in the kitchen slaving away over the meal while three other family members try to help.  Someone scorches the potatoes.  Grandma, hair all disheveled, looks like she's going to cry.  The turkey completely fell apart, so she's disassembling it piece by piece.  And you think, "At least it's not dry and chewy like last year."  The guys are camped out in front of the TV watching football.  Grandpa is asleep in the recliner.  The house is a mess due to the kids running in every direction.  You stick the gifts you brought under the lopsided, artificial tree that is covered in handmade ornaments of years past, wondering if even one of them is something the receiver will like.  The kids helped you wrap them and they're plastered with scotch tape.  You bought every one of your family members a gift even though you couldn't really afford it because, well, that's just what you've always done; it's what's expected.  Uncle Bill, who you haven't seen since last Christmas, approaches you with a hug.  He proceeds to tell you about his recent hemorrhoid surgery.  You zone out as he goes into detail.  You look out the window; the ice has turned to slush.  You're reflecting on all that's wrong with this picture when someone yells from the next room that little Johnny just threw up... again.  Ugh!  You're stressed out, tired, sweaty and disappointed before the party even really begins.  This is not the Christmas you signed up for.

Darn, those Hallmark movies, right?!  

I really think unrealistic expectations can ruin our holidays; unrealistic expectations that we put on ourselves, our families, our get-togethers and even our gifts.  Life isn't perfect.  People aren't perfect.  WE aren't perfect.  

But, so what?!  

We put so much pressure on ourselves and others that we can miss the joy in the midst of reality's chaos.  It's a blessing to be with our families, and yet we can miss the blessings if we're so focused on our unmet expectations.  If we focus on all that's wrong, and focus on all the wrong things, our stress level will rise and we will miss all that's right.  It can be tough, but we can choose to simplify.  We can choose to accept our lives for what they are...and our families for who they are.

"Don't just pretend to love others.  Really love them." Romans 12:9

Four things that have helped me to Simplify and Save My Sanity through the Christmas season:

1. Cut back on the gifts.  This means not giving gifts that you can't afford or that you think are unnecessary.  Just because you gave them a gift last year (or every year as long as you've lived), doesn't mean you have to give them a gift this year.  Giving gifts that come from a begrudged heart defeat the whole purpose anyway.  The gifts you do give, give joyfully, expecting nothing in return.  It might be hard at first.  But, trust me, it gets better...and it takes a lot of pressure off.   

2.  Don't overextend yourself or overbook your family.  This is especially important if you have young children.  There are so many things going on in December!  Think through your commitments and look over your calendar before committing to yet another event; be realistic.  This may mean saying no to a few things, even good things that you want to do.  However, remember balance and maintained sanity are your goals.  

Note: Keep in mind, sometimes we also can't make it to events we committed to because of realities like vomiting kids.  Let go.  You can't control it!

3. Take time to focus on the true meaning of Christmas.  Do this as an individual, but also as a family.  The more our minds are set on the true reason we celebrate, the Savior Jesus Christ, the more other things will seem less important.  Choose to invest time in meaningful activities that nurture your faith and renew your perspective, and that of your family.

4.  Choose to love and accept your family, both immediate and extended, just as it is.  So you're family isn't perfect.  Guess what, no one else's family is either.  It's okay.  Choose to overlook their faults and little annoyances to see the blessings of the moment.  And thank God for an opportunity to love as He does, humbly, unselfishly and wholeheartedly.  Remember this moment in time will never come around again.  Use this time to love on those you...well, love.  It still won't be "perfect".  Embrace the imperfection.  

I don't have all the answers!  However, I really think if we let go of our unrealistic expectations; if we simplify and embrace reality; we will find joy this Christmas season...along with our sanity.  :)

Today I'm joining the Third Thursday Blog Hop.  Head on over to Jill Savage's blog, by clicking on the link below, to see what others had to say on the topic "No More Perfect Holidays".  

That Perfect Friend: Something In Common

For the Third Thursday Blog Hop this month the topic is "No More Perfect Friends".  It brought to mind a post I shared back on  WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 5, 2011, TITLED: SOMETHING IN COMMON.

I HAVE FOUND FRIENDSHIP IN SOME UNEXPECTED PLACES...  

Something In Common

I am blessed to have friends. A wide variety of friends. As a young person we tend to have friends a lot like us…same grade, same age, same interests, etc. As I’ve aged I’ve made friends with some unlikely people.

I have one friend who thinks passing gas on demand is hilarious (my very lady-like mother will shutter at this thought!). I have another pretty little friend who loves going to yard sales (like me), but has to stop to re-curl her eyelashes and reapply lipstick between stops (unlike me). Then there is another friend who is a great fan of basketball. In fact, she “lived and breathed” it while growing up. Me, well, I’ve never been that interested in basketball, not even as a tall girl who grew up in the Hoosier state. I think I played basketball in P.E. a couple of times. I don’t recall liking it that much. (P.S. I do, however, enjoy watching our nieces and nephew play basketball now!)

There are more friends I could list, but you get the idea. Each of my friends are unique. Each of my friends are special. Each of my friends have taught me something. Some I talk to often, some I do not. Still, they are my friends…and we always manage to pick up right where we left off.

A couple of things I’ve learned down through the years: the old saying is true, “Don’t judge a book by it’s cover” AND Wilbur the pig from Charlotte’s Web (the kid’s movie) knew what he was singing about when he said, “We have lots in common where it really counts…What we look like doesn’t count an ounce. We have lots in common where it really counts.”  :)

As different as we all are, we’re all a lot alike really. Perhaps we have different interests or talents. Perhaps we have different lifestyles or backgrounds. Perhaps our outward appearances set us apart from one another. Still, what’s inside is more alike than it is not. I don’t like stereotyping any more than I like to be stereotyped myself because I have learned that there’s a lot more to us than what meets the eye.

No matter what our circumstances we all have our aches and pains…whether physical or internal. We all have times of stress and times of joy…and all of us desire to share these times with someone.

We’re human beings which means we’re looking for happiness and no matter what happiness we find, we’re always looking for something else…something more. The successful single woman wishes for a mate. The married woman wishes for a more romantic husband…or for the “perfect” marriage that all of us grew up dreaming of (that no one told us takes a lot of work to achieve). The career woman longs to stay home. The stay-at-home mom longs for adult conversation and interaction. You get the idea!

We all experience times of loneliness no matter who surrounds us. We are humans with flaws, with insecurities and we make our own share of mistakes. We all have selfish tendencies. Yet, we all have a desire to love and be loved. We need each other.

Still, more than that we need a Savior! We don’t need a religion; we need a relationship with the One and only true God!

“For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard.” Romans 3:23 BUT there is HOPE for those of us who believe!!  II Corinthians 5:15 says that Jesus Christ died for everyone so that those who choose to receive Him can have a new life! AND "...anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!" II Corinthians 5:17 

I’m thankful for my friends. I’m thankful for my family. I’m glad to know we all have so much in common and to know that I’m not alone in my feelings. I need other people. BUT none of these people can fulfill the longings in my heart to be accepted, understood and completely loved as Jesus Christ can!! No one else can free me! No one else paid the penalty for me! No One else can give me a NEW LIFE!  No one else fills that empty longing like my Savior, Jesus! No one else can give me TRUE hope, peace and joy!

HE is that One that all of us need!

What do you have in common with the widow down the street? The old man on the bench at Wal-Mart? The teenager sitting across from you with her arms crossed? The teller at the bank or the cashier at the grocery store? I believe the answer is, way more than you might have ever imagined!

Who within your reach needs a loving friend today? Who needs to meet your Savior, the best friend of all? I encourage you to open your eyes and see, REALLY see, others around you today! You may be surprised what you find…and what friends you make!

I am blessed to have friends! I am even more blessed to have a relationship with my Savior, Jesus Christ!! 

If you’re the one longing for a friend, I encourage you to reach out. Reach out to others and reach out your heart to the One who loves you…the One who created you and sent His son to die for you…the One who can fill those empty longings! If you have questions or need someone to talk to, please e-mail me rachel.beran@yahoo.com I’d love to talk with and pray for you!! I bet we have a lot in common.  :)

Remember: No one cares to meet your Savior, until they’ve seen the reality of His love lived out in your life!

This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you. There is no greater love than to lay down one's life for one's friends. John 15:13

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Teachable Moments ~ Learning Together

He was stomping his feet, head back, crying at full octane when I picked him up and headed out the door of the chiropractor's office.  People staring and one lady giving me advice.  Ugh!

I asked myself, "What happened?"  The first two times I took my boys to the chiropractor with me they sat so nice, they played in the little corner of toys provided for them as the doctor adjusted me.  They didn't argue.  They weren't loud.  I was so proud of them.  But today was a new day.  A frustrating day.  An embarrassing one.

It is times like these when I hear the words of friends with grown children, "These are the best days of your life" play in the back of my head.  And, although I'm certain that these days when our children are little is a time to cherish, I'm equally as certain that there are a few details my friends have forgotten over time.  Ha! :-)

Noah was still wailing when we got outside.  There, on the sidewalk, we had a talk about how his (and big brother's) behavior was unacceptable and the consequences of such actions (in 3 year old terms, of course).  He calmed down.

By the time we crossed the street and headed into the grocery store he was fine.  In fact, he and his brother were as good as gold as I shopped.  We picked up just a few items and headed to the counter.  The cashier commented on their cute, blond curls and asked if my "good little boys" could have a sucker.  They politely said, "Thank you" for their free treat as we headed out the door as the cashier commented on their manners.

Oh my!  In mere minutes I went from looking like an incompetent mom to a grand one.

A few years ago, when my oldest was the youngest one's age, I would have been mortified when such a breakdown (like the one in the chiropractor) took place.  I would have felt terrible about my mothering skills and the behavior of my child.  In turn, I would have patted myself on the back when my child behaved well.  Those things did cross my mind, but this day I refused to let my mind and feelings go there.  Yes, I was embarrassed in the chiropractor's office (who wouldn't be, right?) and I was pleased when they "got it right" in the grocery store.  But I have learned, even though it's not easy, that I have to separate my identity not only from my child's behavior, but from what other people think of me...and even what they think of my children.

I know the truth.  I know that I love my sons and am trying to teach them rightly.  I know that my boys aren't bad boys.  I know they're just learning and it's my job to teach them.  Much like I'm leaning and it's God's job to teach me.  I know that God loves imperfect me and my imperfect kids.  He sees it all.  He knows our hearts.  And He's the One that we answer to.    

I also know that I love my kids too much to let behavior like that go.  So I ceased the teachable moment and chalked it up to experience, for my sons and myself.  And I thanked God for opportunities like this to see how He is teaching and growing us.

What I learned came in handy a week later when my little boy was running through the grocery store, just seconds after I told him not to, and knocked over a display of hot sauce...only feet away from the owner of the store.  Sigh.  It's an ongoing process, friends.

Now I'm praying they will behave the next time we go to the chiropractor! ;)  If not, I know God will remind us of this lesson or teach all of us a new one.

"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it."  

Proverbs 22:6

(What a comfort to know this Truth!)

Look at those sweet, little, dirty faces!
Thankful we are learning together!

Today I am joining Jill Savage for the Third Thursday Blog Hop.  Okay, so it's Friday.  Better late than never, right?!  ;-)

Click on the link below to check out what others had to say about today's topic,

"No More Perfect Kids".

My Perfect Body

What is a perfect body?  In this modern day culture we have all kinds of images thrown at us.  From airbrushed magazine covers to plastic filled movie stars, we're told what "real" beauty looks like.  Young girls sense it from an early age.  We become increasingly aware as we mature.  We've been looking at these images (and more and more of them all the time) from the earliest we can remember.  It's easy to see where our culture places beauty on the importance scale.  It's also easy to see how our value is often linked to our image.

This year I've made a commitment to focus on my health, taking steps toward a healthier lifestyle.  I even started a second blog about my health journey.  As a result of greatly cutting out refined food, unnatural sugars and other things and adding in more "real" food as well as a little extra exercise, I've lost a few pounds.  That feels good.   But...a perfect body?   Is that possible?  What is a perfect body anyway?

Hey, I've under slept and overeaten most of my life.  I've had surgeries, and I proudly display various battle scars.  By golly, I've even carried and given birth to two 8 and a half pound babies.  This body ain't never going to be "perfect" again. Not that it really ever was, not according to the standards of the world.  I've never been the Hollywood type.  Reality, I never will be.  Perfect is an illusion when it comes to looks.   

The problem is, our culture changes the definition of perfect every time we turn around. Not only that, we tend to change our definition too.


So, I think the true question is how does God define a perfect body?  Because, really, He's the One we are here to glorify, not others or self.  Right?!

Before I go any further, I have to tell you, I believe God shows us clearly in His Word that He expects us to care for the "temple" He's given us.  It's obviously not right to abuse our bodies...and then expect them to work well for us.  We need to be good stewards of what God's given us.  That includes our body.  If we want a healthy body, one that's well and able to do the work He's called us to do, then we will need to take the time to care for it as we should.  Sooo...what I'm about to write is not an excuse to neglect the outside.  Rather, it's a reminder to focus first on what's on the inside, then work outward.  :)

Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

So, I ask again, how does God define a perfect body?  I think He sees a perfect body as one indwelled by His Holy Spirit!  A soul empty of self, acceptable for His inhabitanance.  Now, that's a body He can use!

 

Turns out I can dress up the outside, workout 'til I'm blue in the face and eat every healthy vegetable I can find and still find myself with a hollow, ugly body in God's eyes.  Cellulite, decay and deficiency of the heart. 

Isn't that just like us humans, getting all caught up in the perishable things we can see while losing sight of the truly important, eternal things?  We need to focus!  God is looking for bodies He can use.  People who will die to self and walk in the Spirit.   God's Son, Jesus, came and gave His body so we could, not only have eternal life, but abundant life now.  We must give up our life to gain it.  Not that we're always going to get it right, we're not.  But we must choose to die to self, over and over again, so that Christ can live through us. 

Although I'm about 100% sure I'll never reach the world's "perfect body" definition, I now realize I can have a perfect body in God's eyes!  I can be a body He can indwell and use for His glory! 

What a joy to know when He looks at me, He doesn't see what everyone else sees.  He sees my heart, His temple.  My body, His image.  I can love my body, so called flaws and all, because He does.  And His definition of perfection never changes. :)

But the LORD said....The LORD doesn't see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." I Samuel 16:7

Friend, you can have a perfect body too!  :)

And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. Romans 12:1-2

Today I'm linking up with the Jill Savage's Hearts at Home Blog Hop.  Click the link below to read more of what others had to say on this subject.

 

No More Perfect Moms

I have attended the Heart at Home Northeast Conference (in Rochester, MN) three times. It has been such a blessing to me each time. Great keynote speakers, breakout sessions, musical guests, resources, overall encouragement and practical tips to be the mom God created me to be!

Jill Savage, the founder of Hearts at Home (and a blogger I enjoy following) is the "real deal". 

 

Today I am sharing a little bit about here newest book, the conference and some opportunities for you to get FREE rescources!! 

 

Keep reading! :)

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Hearts at Home encourages moms to embrace imperfection!

 

You always knew you would be the perfect mom. Then you had children.

Now that you know more, it’s probably safe to say that most days haven’t turn out like you imagined.

We’ve all been there.

When life doesn’t measure up to our expectations, it’s easy to feel like we’ve failed as mothers and we begin asking, “What’s wrong with me?”

The truth is nothing is wrong with you. You are normal. Your frustrations, your disappointments and your struggles are the same frustrations, disappointments and struggles that every mom is going through.

Hearts at Home is offering two opportunities for moms to embrace and celebrate their imperfections right along with others who are doing this “mom thing,” too!

No More Perfect Moms, the newly-released book by Hearts at Home Founder and CEO, Jill Savage, will help moms rid themselves of the “Perfection Infection.” With refreshing honesty, author Jill Savage exposes some of her own parental shortcomings with the goal of helping mothers everywhere shelve their desires for perfection along with their insecurities of not measuring up to other moms.

And, if you purchase the book any time between February 3-9 (online or at a store…and yes, electronic versions such as Kindle and Nook count too!) and send a copy of your receipt to NoMorePerfectMoms@moody.edu, you'll be given access to well over $100 worth of resources that will help you on your mothering journey - absolutely free! 

What will you receive? Click here for a full list of audio workshops, printables and books and all the details about how to buy the book!

Then plan to join thousands of moms, just like you, as they celebrate their imperfections on March 15-16, 2013, at the Hearts at Home 2013 National Conference, on the campus of Illinois State University in Normal, IL.

Registration is open!  GREAT speakers and music!!

Choose the two-day Friday PLUS! option for a main session and three or four workshops on Friday, plus choose three or four additional workshops on Saturday or choose to attend either Friday or Saturday. Add Moms Night Out on Friday for a great day – or two – away!

Main sessions feature keynote speakers Candace Cameron Bure – mom, producer, New York Times’ best-selling author and actress, and best known for her role as "D.J." on Full House – and Jill Savage – author and CEO and Founder of Hearts at Home.

Moms Night Out welcomes Anita Renfroe (link to:  http://www.anitarenfroe.com), well known for her pop culture parody of the William Tell Overture-Mom Style and special musical guest Meredith Andrews.

More than 30 workshops with titles including Seven Habits of Highly Effective Moms, Real Ways to Connect With Your Kids, Boys R Us--Raising Boys from 2 to 22, and Wise Women Raising Wiser Daughters, give you the opportunity to design the day around your own needs.

With a sell-out crowd at last year’s conference, early registration is encouraged. The Best Value Registration Deadline is February 20, 2013.

Click here for full descriptions of all speakers and workshops and to start the registration process. Group discounts are available!