How to Simplify this Christmas...and Save Your Sanity!

How do you picture the perfect Christmas?  If you're like me, you probably picture something like this...

A beautiful family, in perfectly coordinated sweater, and with unified hearts, sit around a perfectly shaped and decorated (real, not artificial, of course) Christmas tree, sipping hot cocoa with marshmallows.  A cheesy smile on each face, as they open gorgeously wrapped gifts that are not only exactly what the receiver wanted, but given in the purest desire from the bottom of the giver's heart.  Inside, the house is not only decorated beautifully, it's in perfect order.  Outside, the ground is covered in a fresh, white snow.  And, in the next room, there's a long dining room table covered with a feast fit to feed a king...and his family...his court...and his entire kingdom.  Every dish is filled to the brim, looks absolutely scrumptious and perfectly browned turkey, fully intact and steamy hot, sits right in the middle of the table.  Peace, joy, love...Christmas bliss.   

It's a sight right out of a Hallmark movie, right?!

Then there's reality.  

You make the long trip to Grandma's house despite a long week of caring for puking kids and the treacherous, icy road conditions of the day.  You're stressed out before you even arrive.  The kids run off as soon as you get in the door.  And, before you can even get your coat off, one of them is crying.  A cousin hit them in the head with a toy.  You try to comfort amd lecture about sharing, both at the same time.  Child hanging on you, you begin to "pit out" in your holiday sweater (of course, you are the only one wearing a sweater...and the house feels like it's 500 degrees).  Grandma's in the kitchen slaving away over the meal while three other family members try to help.  Someone scorches the potatoes.  Grandma, hair all disheveled, looks like she's going to cry.  The turkey completely fell apart, so she's disassembling it piece by piece.  And you think, "At least it's not dry and chewy like last year."  The guys are camped out in front of the TV watching football.  Grandpa is asleep in the recliner.  The house is a mess due to the kids running in every direction.  You stick the gifts you brought under the lopsided, artificial tree that is covered in handmade ornaments of years past, wondering if even one of them is something the receiver will like.  The kids helped you wrap them and they're plastered with scotch tape.  You bought every one of your family members a gift even though you couldn't really afford it because, well, that's just what you've always done; it's what's expected.  Uncle Bill, who you haven't seen since last Christmas, approaches you with a hug.  He proceeds to tell you about his recent hemorrhoid surgery.  You zone out as he goes into detail.  You look out the window; the ice has turned to slush.  You're reflecting on all that's wrong with this picture when someone yells from the next room that little Johnny just threw up... again.  Ugh!  You're stressed out, tired, sweaty and disappointed before the party even really begins.  This is not the Christmas you signed up for.

Darn, those Hallmark movies, right?!  

I really think unrealistic expectations can ruin our holidays; unrealistic expectations that we put on ourselves, our families, our get-togethers and even our gifts.  Life isn't perfect.  People aren't perfect.  WE aren't perfect.  

But, so what?!  

We put so much pressure on ourselves and others that we can miss the joy in the midst of reality's chaos.  It's a blessing to be with our families, and yet we can miss the blessings if we're so focused on our unmet expectations.  If we focus on all that's wrong, and focus on all the wrong things, our stress level will rise and we will miss all that's right.  It can be tough, but we can choose to simplify.  We can choose to accept our lives for what they are...and our families for who they are.

"Don't just pretend to love others.  Really love them." Romans 12:9

Four things that have helped me to Simplify and Save My Sanity through the Christmas season:

1. Cut back on the gifts.  This means not giving gifts that you can't afford or that you think are unnecessary.  Just because you gave them a gift last year (or every year as long as you've lived), doesn't mean you have to give them a gift this year.  Giving gifts that come from a begrudged heart defeat the whole purpose anyway.  The gifts you do give, give joyfully, expecting nothing in return.  It might be hard at first.  But, trust me, it gets better...and it takes a lot of pressure off.   

2.  Don't overextend yourself or overbook your family.  This is especially important if you have young children.  There are so many things going on in December!  Think through your commitments and look over your calendar before committing to yet another event; be realistic.  This may mean saying no to a few things, even good things that you want to do.  However, remember balance and maintained sanity are your goals.  

Note: Keep in mind, sometimes we also can't make it to events we committed to because of realities like vomiting kids.  Let go.  You can't control it!

3. Take time to focus on the true meaning of Christmas.  Do this as an individual, but also as a family.  The more our minds are set on the true reason we celebrate, the Savior Jesus Christ, the more other things will seem less important.  Choose to invest time in meaningful activities that nurture your faith and renew your perspective, and that of your family.

4.  Choose to love and accept your family, both immediate and extended, just as it is.  So you're family isn't perfect.  Guess what, no one else's family is either.  It's okay.  Choose to overlook their faults and little annoyances to see the blessings of the moment.  And thank God for an opportunity to love as He does, humbly, unselfishly and wholeheartedly.  Remember this moment in time will never come around again.  Use this time to love on those you...well, love.  It still won't be "perfect".  Embrace the imperfection.  

I don't have all the answers!  However, I really think if we let go of our unrealistic expectations; if we simplify and embrace reality; we will find joy this Christmas season...along with our sanity.  :)

Today I'm joining the Third Thursday Blog Hop.  Head on over to Jill Savage's blog, by clicking on the link below, to see what others had to say on the topic "No More Perfect Holidays".  

What I Can't Do...

I was feeling a bit sorry for myself. It’s embarrassing to write, but it is true. Poor me. Why me?

We think, Noah, our youngest has a wheat intolerance. And I believe I do too, except I have often chosen to ignore it. I know I feel better when I cut wheat (and dairy) out of my diet. But, do you know how hard it is to eliminate wheat in our modern day American culture? Do you know that (at least it seem like) wheat is in almost every processed food available to us? That means none of our regular store bought breads, pastas, granola bars, pizzas, cookies, cereals, etc. Not only that, many of our condiments contain wheat and so do Campbell’s creamed soups…and the list goes on and on.

I enjoy cooking, but I’ve never learned to cook completely from scratch. No, I’ve always used those shortcuts that are so typical in most American kitchens. Do you know how much more time consuming it is cooking completely from scratch? This means relearning how to make almost everything.

Then, the thought hit me, “We will never be able to go out to eat again!” No more Pizza Hut or McDonald’s…not that either are healthy or even my favorite. Yet, they are convenient and to think that we can never eat at those restaurants again…ugh! How will we ever travel to Indiana to visit my family without a routine stop at McDonald’s?!

One day my mind was fixated on all the things we can’t eat and how I was going to readjust our “normal”. That night I read our oldest his nightly devotional. It retold the story of Eve in the garden. Hopefully, you’re familiar with this true tale. God told Adam and Eve they could eat from any of the trees in the perfect Garden of Eden except for one. The serpent tempted them. They ate from the forbidden tree.

In Andrew’s devotional it pointed out that there were many different kinds of trees in the garden. God told them they could eat from all those trees except for one. And yet, when they were tempted, they chose to eat the forbidden fruit. This was the beginning of the fall of man.

This spoke to my heart on so many different levels.

First, this was a reminder that God has provided many other food options for us. There are many other grains besides wheat. In addition, we have a deep freeze full of Angus Beef (best steaks, burger, roasts, even brats and wieners you ever tasted!). We have whole chickens, sweet corn, green beans, salsa, strawberries and jam in the freezer. We have our own canned applesauce, jelly and juice. We have chickens that lay fresh eggs for us every day. Not only that, there are tons of wheat free options at our local grocery store (there are more and more gluten free/wheat free options available these days than ever before), plus various meats, fruits and veggies.  No more McDonald's...so what?  I get healthy, nurishing food!

In reality, I just need to change my way of thinking…and do what is best and healthiest for my family.

Then, it hit me. This is like so many other things in my life. Sometimes my focus gets stuck on what I can’t have or what I don’t have, rather than on everything else God has provided for me.

I am so blessed! Yet, sometimes I focus on the stains on my living room carpet more than the little blessings from God who made them. Sometimes I focus on all the things that are “wrong” with the house, rather than all the things that are “right”. Sometimes I wonder why I can’t do this thing or that thing today, rather than “one of these days”, and I forget all that I do get to do today!

In November, I stepped down from my role on the Rise & Shine Women’s Retreat leadership team. It was a tough decision because I love that ministry. It is especially dear to my heart because I was one of original team members who helped start the conference. I enjoyed my role on the team, and found my God-given gifts were well put to use. And still, I felt God tugging at my heart to step back and focus more on my number one ministry, one He also called me to…home.

It seems like it should be easy to make a decision to simply “stay home” with the ones I love the most. It wasn’t…and still isn’t. Of course, it doesn’t makes sense to continue doing something, something I was doing for Him in the first place, when He has clearly showed me that it is time to step back. And still, at times, I feel a grief rise up in me over the loss of this role. I wonder why I can’t continue on (even though, in reality, the answer is right before me). I know He has called me into women’s ministry, so it doesn’t completely make sense. Yes, I’m still coordinating our local MOPS group, and I enjoy that. But, why would God want to “take this away from me”?

Then, I am reminded of all that He has given! I get to be a wife and a mom! I looooove being a wife and mom! I love my family! Even in a culture that generally devalues these roles, He does not!! He has chosen me for these role. What an honor! In this season of life, home is where I need to be most. My husband and sons are gifts from Him, whom I get to nurture. He isn’t taking anything away, He’s giving me an opportunity!! Although sometimes I feel so inadequate, He equips me for these daily roles, and is building my character for future ones.

Not only that, it’s amazing that I ever got to be on the Rise & Shine leadership team in the first place! What a wonderful experience! I learned so much about Him, myself and ministry. I will cherish the memories, remember the lessons and apply much of what I learned throughout the rest of my life…even now as I get to help encourage other moms at MOPS.

Furthermore, I see all He has provided. Not only has He provided a way to eternal life for me through Jesus Christ, He provides all I need for each day. I reflect on the destructive road I was once headed down, how He provided a way out, and gave me this life, one better than I had ever dared to dream of. I’m not perfect, I still fail Him and yet, He forgives me again (and again). He continues to love me.

Another thought: sometimes people get so fixated on what they can’t do as a Christian (or if they became one) that they loose sight of what God provides for those who love, honor and obey Him. They don’t want to give up what they want, but forget about the peace, hope and joy it will bring if they surrender their will to Him.

In reality, I don’t want my way, I want God’s best…in all areas of my life!

No more feeling sorry for myself. I must change my focus from what I can’t do and what I don’t have to all He has provided! I am grateful!!

Could you use a change of focus too?

…be content with what you have, because God has said,

 "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." Hebrews 13:5

Christmas in the Real World

I shared this quote in our Christmas letter in 2008.  It has remained with me and I wanted to share it with my blog friends this year.

"Let us avoid the temptation to make our Christmas worship a withdrawl from the stress and sorrow of life into a realm of unreal beauty. It was into the real world that Christ came, into a city where there was no room for Him.


He comes to us, not to shield us from the harshness of the world but to give us the courage and strength to bear it; not to snatch us away by some miracle from the conflict of life, but to give us peace - His peace - in our hearts, by which we may be calmly steadfast while the conflict rages, and be able to bring to the torn world the healing that is peace." ODB

Into the real world He came, to save us.

When we make room for Him,

our real lives He changes.

I wish for you, real reading friend, a peace-filled CHRISTmas...

the kind of peace that is a gift only He can give!

"I am leaving you with a gift - peace of mind and heart.

And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give.

So don't be troubled or afraid." ~ Jesus

(John 14:27)

Christmas…traditions, memories and focus

I haven’t blogged in a while. Sorry, I haven’t meant to be scarce, but the month of December brings a different focus for me.

December is busy…but in a good way. Busy with the fun stuff that memories are made of. Things like decorating a gingerbread house, stringing popcorn garland, making cutout cookies and wrapping gifts. Andrew and I have been having a lot of fun!

The snow in Iowa puts a twist on things and often makes travel from day to day a bit iffy (thank goodness for online shopping).

In the snow and ice we must make time for sledding (well they sled, I get out the camera and camcorder)! Oh, the joy of living on a gravel road!

Just trying to keep our 8 month old, Noah, away from the tree is a full time job! :) He’s crawling everywhere and pulling himself up to standing these days. He's growing and learning...and is very busy! 

So far his favorite thing about Christmas is the wrapping paper! :) 

I've been very reminiscent the last several days. I think Christmas tends to bring that out in me. I got to thinking about traditions. I don't remember many. I think my mom’s “tradition” was to do something different every year. We did a lot of fun things, usually involving making something, but we didn’t usually do it more than once. She always tried to think of something new and different and fun to do. Which I've realized was a fun tradition!  :)

As I've reminisced about Christmas’ past, I thought of all kinds of good memories…from yearly stockings full to the brim with all the little stuff that I loved (that was my favorite part)...to finding my Christmas presents in my mom’s closet one year and being MORE excited on Christmas Eve than ever because I couldn’t wait to play with that walking, barking dog (that was GREAT technology in the 80s, you know?!) that I had found...to playing “bingo” with my family (siblings, nieces, nephews, etc) every year. I loved being with my family! My mom made every Christmas magical and fun and special! So the one “tradition” I cherish the most is the LOVE that I felt…every year!

One of the greatest memories had to do more with giving gifts than it did receiving them. A very kind woman named, Margie, offered to take me Christmas shopping for my mom. She took me to town, gave me a budget and told me I could pick whatever I wanted for my mom. I loved it! I loved it sooo much! She marveled at how far I could make the dollars stretch.

When I was done picking my treasures, we would head back to her house to wrap the presents. I loved that too! Margie was patient and kind. Her husband, Jim (my mom’s first cousin), was sitting in the recliner when we arrived. I thought he was so nice and I loved his teasing and attention. Wrapping gifts was fun.

I felt like my little heart would burst I was so happy! Just thinking about my mom opening these gifts on Christmas morning simply thrilled me! Then, as if that wasn’t enough, Margie appeared with a gift…for me! I didn’t expect it. I was thoroughly surprised…and sooo happy! It was a Cabbage Patch doll…a real one, not a knockoff, a real one! :) Valerie Imogene, that was her name. She had pretty red hair and I loved her. And I could hardly wait for Christmas Day so my mom could open the gifts I knew she was going to love too.

Margie took me shopping like that for 3 years (if I remember right). My mom still has some of the gifts I picked for her…and I still have all 3 gifts that Margie gave to me. What great memories! And it’s all because someone chose to go out of their way to be loving and kind!! Jim and Margie didn’t have to do that, but they chose to…and that little girl, now a mommy herself, will never forget the LOVE!

Andrew and I have enjoyed a lot of fun Christmas activities together this year (and Noah will join us when he gets old enough). It will be interesting to see what traditions “stick” and which do not. What memories they will have and which ones they will forget. But, above all else I hope they remember the LOVE that surrounded them.

This year, I can hardly wait for our little boys to open their gifts because I know they’re eyes are going to light up. I’m thankful for the time with family and friends. I'm thankful for the time I had with my family in Indiana earlier this month and that we get to spend time with my husband's family later this month.  I pray these very important people will feel the LOVE that I have for them and HIS love shining through me! And that I can find ways to reach out to others like Margie did to me...without expecting anything in return.

So, I guess in short, this holiday season I am trying to spend time focusing on what is most important…LOVE. Although I often fall short and have to start all over again the next day, I’m focusing on my friends and family, my little ones and the little One who was born to die for my sins (and yours). He is the reason for it all! So thankful for the LOVE He showed...and continues to show to us each and every day!

No matter where you are in life...you can choose to do the same!

Make your own attitude that of Christ Jesus, who, existing in the form of God, did not consider equality with God as something to be used for His own advantage. Instead He emptied Himself by assuming the form of a slave, taking on the likeness of men. And when He had come as a man in His external form, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death-even death on a cross. Philippians 2:5-8

Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13

NO GREATER LOVE!!

What is your favorite memory? Your favorite tradition?

Where is your focus this Christmas? I’d enjoy hearing about it!

MERRY CHRISTMAS, friends!

Perfect Gift

It's Christmas Eve, friends. Here in Beranville we're preparing like I know so many others are doing. Wrapping those last minute presents, preparing one last Christmas treat and making a meal, giving attention to all those details that will make Christmas morning "just perfect" for our little son. I feel a sense of calm today. Yet, I must admit that, that hasn't always been so throughout this month of December.

 

Two weeks ago when I went on a big Christmas shopping trip (every shopping trip around here has to be BIG and planned well since it's a one hour drive each way!) I felt such tension that I wanted to "blow." Suddenly the pressures of being the mom, the wife, the daughter, etc who wanted to make Christmas "just perfect" for all of my loved ones began to mount!

 

I continuously prayed as I shopped asking the Lord to help me to remember WHY we celebrate Christmas and to help me keep my focus on the right things. Still, it seemed that my focus kept swaying more and more towards all the things on my to do list and less and less on the birth of Jesus Christ. More and more towards the materialistic things that I need to buy and less and less on the eternally important things.

 

Then, something happened...I decided to go through Culver's drive-thru for a bite to eat (this prego girl needed nurishment!). I ordered my food and pulled around to pay. Nothing unusual! When I was finished paying, I began to pull ahead to wait for my food when I felt something rise up in my spirit. I didn't hear an audible voice, but I knew what I heard and felt was from the Lord. He said, "Give him something." I knew immediately that "he" was the person who would deliver my food to my car. I hadn't seen anyone bring any food out yet, but I knew it was going to be a guy. I thought, "Huh? What am I suppose to give him?" Then, I remembered a Bible tract that was in a side pocket of my purse. The same one that I had been carrying around with me for quite some time, yet never even thought about giving to anyone.

 

"Oh Lord, surely you aren't really telling me to do this! I don't want to. It makes me nerveous. How do I know this is really You relling me to do this?" Yet, I knew deep down that I never would have thought of this one on my own. It took me completely out of my comfort zone. Then, He spoke again, "Give him some money too." I thought, "Whoa! Alan (my husband) won't like that." He's a very frugal guy and... but God didn't back down. Again, I felt, "Give him some money." I pulled a bill out of my wallet and wrapped it around the tract. I held it in my lap. This probably sounds stupid, but my heart was beating out of my chest! I honestly told God, "You better make him come out here quick or I'm not going to do it." Then, I put them both back into my purse.

 

I think much of my hesitation stems from working in the food service industry for so many years. I remember when other servers (waiters/waitresses) would find a tract on their table they would often make fun of the person who left it. Sometimes it made them angry...especially if the person leaving it didn't leave an appropriate tip. It turned me off to handing out tracts and other religious material because I believed it was often received negatively. Sharing the Lord with others in this way made me uncomfortable. I didn't want to "turn people off" to Christ.

Yet, in this situation I felt it was the Lord telling me to do it. I kept talking to Him, "Lord, I don't know why I care about what this guy thinks about me. I don't know him and the chances of me ever seeing him again are slim. Why am I more concerned about what he thinks of me than I am with what You think of me?! Why am I more concerned with my comfort than I am with this guys salvation? Why don't I want to share You with him? How can I work in ministry if I can't witness to people in everyday life? I DO want to share the true spirit of Christmas with others. Why am I so hesitant?" I felt such conviction!

 

I pulled the tract and money back out of my purse. I waited only a few minutes before I saw him heading towards my car...a young man in his early 20s. He handed me my food. I handed him the tract and money. I said, "This is for you. Merry Christmas!" He said with a big smile on his face, "Oh wow, thank you. Thank you!" I pulled away happily knowing that I had done what the Lord had asked of me (and it really wasn't all that hard!). I felt peace and satisfaction!

 

Why did He tell me to do this? Well, I'm guessing that this young man needed this at this time in his life. Perhaps God would use this event to impact his life. Maybe it was just a little seed being planted in the soil of his heart. Maybe he is already a Christian, but God was using this to show him His love...and provision. I'll probably never know how it affected this young man.

 

What I do know is how it affected me. I believe God was just testing my obedience...and reminding me of what is really important. He wanted to help me grow in my faith, trust and obedience. He wanted to remind me that my whole purpose of being here is to share Him with others. That's why He came...to give us life! Once we receive this new life filled with the hope and peace only He can give, it's not ours to "hoard" for ourselves. He wants us to share it with others! I knew that God had heard my earlier prayers to help keep my focus on what was really important and answered in a way I hadn't expected.

 

I'm glad that God spoke to me that day. I'm glad that I heard Him despite the clutter of my mind and anxiety in my spirit over finding the "perfect" Christmas gifts. I'm glad I obeyed. I know that I would have felt a lot differently if I would have pulled away from there without giving that young man the tract and money. I know that if I would have chosen to stay in my "comfort zone" I would have missed out on a blessing! I would have missed out on the real meaning of Christmas...HE GAVE US THE PERFECT GIFT for Christmas!! Now, He wants me to share that gift with others. That means I have to listen to Him, trust Him and obey Him!

 

It's easy in the hussle and bussle of Christmas planning to miss out on all the blessings and joy of the season! I pray that each of us will stay focused on Him, the perfect gift, at Christmas-time and throughout the year!