We had our first miscarriage in September of 2008, between our two healthy sons.That time I was 11 weeks pregnant. It was a long, hard process and, because my body did not go through the miscarriage process properly, I had to have a d&c surgery.
This time the loss was quick and no d&c was needed. I was thankful for that, but it was still hard. The waves of grief hit me and, although I knew it wasn’t the right question, I found myself asking God, “Why?”
My husband and I love the Lord. We live to honor and serve Him. We rejoiced over this pregnancy and gave Him much glory. We asked God to protect our baby. Yet, here we were, going through this AGAIN. It was hard to understand.
One morning I was doing my dishes, praying and listening to Christian radio. The song “Blessed Be Your Name” came on. “Blessed be the name of the Lord…you give and take away, you give and take away, my heart will choose to say, Lord, blessed be your name.”
I even surprised myself when I whispered audibly, “Why DID you take my baby, Lord?” So clearly I felt Him speak to my heart, “He was never really yours in the first place.”
To someone who doesn’t know the Lord personally this may sound cold and uncaring. To me, it was comforting. I knew what He meant right away.
Although I don’t think he literally “took our baby away” from us, I trust that whatever He allows to happen in our lives, is for our best and that He will use it for good (Romans 8:28). I know that He has a plan for me and my family (Jeremiah 29:11). I know I can trust Him, even when I don’t understand (Proverbs 3:5). I know He gives and takes away (Job 1:21). I know His ways are so above my ways (Isaiah 55:8). I know He holds us securely in His hands (John 10:28).
He is God and I am not.
I must remember that even the two healthy children He’s given us belong to Him. What a gift! What an honor to be able to bring them up for Him! As much as we love them, He loves them even more. That’s almost inconceivable!! Yet, how reassuring to know that all four of our children, two in heaven and two here on this earth, are in His hands. There’s no safer place for them to be!
In the midst of our grieving, we celebrated Noah’s 1st birthday!
Look at our precious gift enjoying his 1st birthday: