Thursday, May 5, 2011

He Gives and Takes Away

Last month, in April of 2011, we experienced our second miscarriage. I was 5½ weeks pregnant. We had spent the past 10 days rejoicing over our positive pregnancy test. Quickly, our rejoicing turned to heartbreak. I cried, “Oh no, not again, Lord!”

We had our first miscarriage in September of 2008, between our two healthy sons.That time I was 11 weeks pregnant. It was a long, hard process and, because my body did not go through the miscarriage process properly, I had to have a d&c surgery.

This time the loss was quick and no d&c was needed. I was thankful for that, but it was still hard. The waves of grief hit me and, although I knew it wasn’t the right question, I found myself asking God, “Why?”

My husband and I love the Lord. We live to honor and serve Him. We rejoiced over this pregnancy and gave Him much glory. We asked God to protect our baby. Yet, here we were, going through this AGAIN. It was hard to understand.

One morning I was doing my dishes, praying and listening to Christian radio. The song “Blessed Be Your Name” came on. “Blessed be the name of the Lord…you give and take away, you give and take away, my heart will choose to say, Lord, blessed be your name.”

I even surprised myself when I whispered audibly, “Why DID you take my baby, Lord?” So clearly I felt Him speak to my heart, “He was never really yours in the first place.”

To someone who doesn’t know the Lord personally this may sound cold and uncaring. To me, it was comforting. I knew what He meant right away.

Although I don’t think he literally “took our baby away” from us, I trust that whatever He allows to happen in our lives, is for our best and that He will use it for good (Romans 8:28). I know that He has a plan for me and my family (Jeremiah 29:11). I know I can trust Him, even when I don’t understand (Proverbs 3:5). I know He gives and takes away (Job 1:21). I know His ways are so above my ways (Isaiah 55:8). I know He holds us securely in His hands (John 10:28).

He is God and I am not.

I must remember that even the two healthy children He’s given us belong to Him. What a gift! What an honor to be able to bring them up for Him! As much as we love them, He loves them even more. That’s almost inconceivable!! Yet, how reassuring to know that all four of our children, two in heaven and two here on this earth, are in His hands. There’s no safer place for them to be!

In the midst of our grieving, we celebrated Noah’s 1st birthday!

Look at our precious gift enjoying his 1st birthday:

The Lord GIVES life...and life most abundantly! 

Today I choose to rejoice in all that He GIVES!

No matter whether He gives or takes away, I will choose to praise Him. Even when I wonder why, I will choose to trust Him. In turn, He fills my heart with peace.
BLESSED be the name of the LORD!!

FOLLOW UP: Read about my 3rd Miscarriage HERE


  1. I am blessed to have you as my friend. God bless you always, Rachel!

  2. I am so sorry, Rachel, to hear of the loss of your second baby through miscarriage. I am praying for you in the grief journey.


  3. Great post Rachel!! Praying that God keeps drawing you near even in the hard times. That song is probably my favorite, so much truth - it gets me every time!! So thankful your kids, and mine, are in God's hands...and especially grateful that He's holding us moms too!!!

  4. You have written about this all so beautifully, Rachel. My heart aches for you, and I am so, so sorry for your loss. I am so thankful for how He is filling your heart with His peace.

    I do not doubt for one minute that He will use you as an instrument of His healing, hope, and encouragement to other women who walk through similar situations. There is a tenderness and grace that flows through your words, any time I am here. You are a beautiful demonstration of what it means to cling to His Word. A beautiful vessel for His glory.

    Love, hugs and prayers to you as your heart continues to heal,

  5. So sorry for your loss Rachel. And happy for your celebration of little Noah. I love first birthdays. They get so messy! :)

    God bless you as you cling to His goodness and love. <3

  6. I am popping over from Gg - Notes on the Journey to say thanks from the bottom of my heart for your recent support during my dad's open heart surgery. He is doing so well.

    Over 60 comments with prayers and well wishes, including yours. Such sweetness. It helped me not feel quite so alone, having recently moved to Chicago.


  7. Oh Rachel, I'm SO sorry! I had no idea, of course, but I just want you to know that I've prayed for God to touch and heal your heart (and your husband's heart).

    There are so many things I do not understand and probably never will, this side of heaven. Just know that if I possibly could, I would give you a great big (((hug)))!

    Your attitude, desire to honor God and keep a positive perspective in spite of your loss blesses and encourages me, Rachel. And I believe it truly honors God and brings Him glory.

    Love and hugs to you, my sweet friend!

  8. So sorry to hear this. Sometimes we don't understand all that is happening through our trials, but one thing is for sure, God is with us and He promises not to leave us or forsake us. Our family experienced two miscarriages as well. One with twin girls 20 wks along and another just a few weeks along as well. We are comforted knowing God is in control of all things and we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. Roman 8:28 I wish many blessings to be upon your family!! Thank you for stopping by dear friend!! ♥

  9. When I read the title of this post, I was immediately taken back to a dark night at my kitchen table. My husband, not knowing what to do with me, went upstairs to bed. I am certain he prayed there instead of slept. I wrestled with God for hours through my tears. “ the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD”...... The verse echoed in my head. And I foolishly grabbed onto my pain all the more. I cried "You took my baby, this pain is all I have left of him. can't have it....." hours it seemed went by..many more tears. Finally I let go...I gave Him all the pain and hopes and dreams I had for our baby. I wept from the depth of my soul and pain radiated through my body. The words came again “the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD”....He is Lord. I had forgotten He was Lord. That all was His. My baby, my pain... Even me...and I was so foolish to refuse to led Him comfort me. Healing began that night and I learned more of how tender the Lord is. Fast forward 6yrs, another dark night and many tears and pain. Pain so overwhelming I couldn't breathe. Once again God had taken what was His. This time my beloved Jim. Yet I had learned from Benjie's miscarriage how to press into Christ when I hurt so deeply. I don't know where I would be today if I had grabbed on to bitterness instead of letting Him comfort me. And I tremble to think of what condition the boys would be if I had refused God's comfort.
    Blessed Be the Name of the LORD!!!


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