His Eye Is On Me

Over the past few years I have dealt with numerous health issues.  It's not like I have cancer, but it's been a bunch of "small" stuff, one thing after another, for so long that I barely remember what it's like to feel well anymore.  Honestly, I get so weary with it.  Like most women my age I have a lot of irons in the fire, a lot of responsibilities and calls on my life.  I don't have time to be sick.  So all of this frustrates me.  And, well, it's just no fun feeling bad almost all the time.

I'm not a complainer.   I don't sit around.  On the contrary, I'm quite active.  I don't moan and groan or pout (most of the time).  I'm actually quite spirited and upbeat.  And so I know others have no idea (or at least little idea) how bad I feel most days.

I detest pity, so know I don't write this to gain your sympathy.  No, I write this because I wonder if there are others who have felt the frustration I've felt, and continue to feel.  I wonder if others know where hope is found when life is hard...and things aren't going as you planned...and you just don't feel good, day after day.

NOTE: This is going to get long.  Please stick with me.  I promise it isn't a pity party.  And I think you will be glad you stuck around for the end of this post.  :)

Throughout the night on Saturday, I lied awake until 5:00 am.  In pain.  Tired.  Weary.  Again.  The next morning I watched  as my family took off to church without me (a rarity).  We had a very important graduation to attend that afternoon and two graduation parties that I didn't want to miss.  Yet the pain wasn't subsiding and the tiredness seemed overwhelming.    

I tried to pray.  But my prayers felt empty.  I felt discouraged.  Alone.  Weary and worn.  Tears came.  It isn't the first time I've felt this way.  But this time I had quiet time to talk to God, out loud.  I cried out to Him in frustration.  It wasn't some pretty, fluffy prayer.  It was a gut wrenching conversation.

Then I looked out the kitchen window to see my fine feathered friends, Boston orioles, hummingbirds and downy woodpeckers, all enjoying a drink from our little hummingbird feeder right outside our back door.  These birds have brought me so much enjoyment this spring.

In a way only God can speak to a heart, I heard His whisper, "My eye is on the sparrow."   My heart whispered back, "Yes, LORD, I know."  Tears came again.

What is the price of two sparrows--one copper coin? But not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it.  Matthew 10:29

He knows.  He knows just what's going on with me, inside and out, when no one else does...or understands...or even cares.  He knows.  He cares.  He understands.  Nothing happens apart from his will.  And He promises to work all things together for good for those who love Him. (Romans 8:28)

What hope!  Even when I don't understand, I can trust Him, knowing He has my best in mind.  He will never leave me nor forsake me. (Hebrews 13:5)  He will give me the strength I need. (Isaiah 41:10)

I began to sing "His Eye is on the Sparrow"...

Why should I feel discouraged,

Why should the shadows come,

Why should my heart be lonely

And long for Heav'n and home?

When Jesus is my portion,

My constant Friend is He:

His eye is on the sparrow,

And I know He cares for me;

His eye is on the sparrow,

And I know He watches me.

I felt good enough on Sunday afternoon to attend the graduation and the parties.  

On Monday morning, the neatest thing happened.  My husband came in the house with a hummingbird in his hand!

He found it in his grain shed.  It was cold and weak, near to death.

Our 6 year old scientist-in-training came up with the idea to make it a nest and put it under a lamp to get it warm. 

We gave it nectar (sugar water) with a medicine dropper.  It's eyes were closed and it was barely breathing.  But every once in a while it would get a drop of nectar. 

We watched as his breathing got heavier.

Here his eyes were still closed

Before long he opened his eyes.  He started rustling his feathers and turned his head side to side.  Then spread his wings! 

Suddenly, he began to fly around! 

He liked the fluorescent light above.  Once we turned it off he flew all around. 

Then perched on the ceiling fan. 

Then on the swag above the curtain.  Can you see him perched up there? :) 

We brought the hummingbird feeder in and stuck it on top of the refrigerator.  He went right to it and drank away.  In the picture above he was taking a break between drinks. 

He looks like an ornament perched up there, doesn't he?!  But he was as real as can be.

Later we released him and he flew off with (what we think was) his mate.

What a unique and tremendous experience this was for our family!!

God spoke to me again through the life of this little hummingbird.  His eye is on the hummingbird too!!

This time God used my husband, and his family, to save the life of one of His little creatures.  

How much more does He care for me, His beloved child.

He sees.  He knows.  He cares.
His eye is on me!

I sing because I'm happy, (I’m happy)

I sing because I'm free, (I’m free)

For His eye is on the sparrow,

And I know He watches me.

Don't lose heart, my friend.  He see you too!