How to Help the Hurting (Miscarriage)

Previously I shared about my most recent miscarriage experience here. In the comments of this page and through personal messages, I received requests for more advice on how to minister to the hurting.

I hardly feel like an expert. I am certain that I have let hurting loved ones down in the past. And although it is my heartfelt desire not to, I know I am all too human and will most likely fail others again in the future (and may be letting someone down right at the moment). 

However, I have learned a few things through my time of grief, and would love to humbly share a few of those insights with you, knowing that I still have a lot to learn myself.

I think it’s so important that we, as believers in Jesus Christ, reach out to one another, in good times and in hard times alike. We are to be “Christ in the flesh”. We need to ask ourselves, “What would Jesus do?” He would love on the hurting and so should we.

Some things you must realize before we start: In my case we are referring to miscarriage, the loss of a baby in the womb. However, this advice could certainly apply to other kinds of hurt as well.

It is interesting to me that Christians often say they believe that life begins at conception (I DO!), and yet when someone has a miscarriage they act as if it is not a real loss. Miscarriage is a real loss! It is the loss of an unborn child that was wanted and loved. It is the loss of hopes and dreams. It hurts. It is okay for the person experiencing this loss to mourn. In fact, it is healthy and normal. Let them grieve and don’t minimize or ignore their grief.

Before approaching any hurting person pray for that person. Then, pray for yourself. Pray for God’s guidance, and for His words to fill your lips…and even for His wisdom to know when to close your mouth (to either listen or avoid hurtful words) when necessary. God filled His believers with His Holy Spirit. Ask Him to minister through you and He will!

  So now I am giving you a new commandment.

Love each other. Just as I have loved you,

you should love each other.

Your love for one another will prove to the world that

you are my disciples.” John 13:34-35 (Jesus speaking)

A few tips:

Say something: Acknowledge their loss and their pain. I think often times people say nothing because they don’t know what to say. Don’t get held back by your own lack of words. To me, it was really helpful to hear something like, “I don’t know what to say, but I’m sorry…and I’m here for you…and I love you.” Even after 3 miscarriages I still don’t know what to say myself, and I have no idea how I’m “suppose to” feel. There are no magic words to make the hurt stop and there is no “one size fits all” expression of sympathy. 

However, saying nothing is never the right option. Saying nothing makes it seem like you don’t care, even if you do. To the person going through it, it can be all consuming. Don’t ignore it. Be sincere. Don’t say things you don’t mean or can’t follow up with actions. Say you’re sorry. But my heartfelt advice is: don’t stop there because it’s hard for the grieving one to know how to respond to that. Follow it with more words like, “I’m praying for you” or something similar. Often times the hurting one doesn’t care as much about what you say, as they do about the acknowledgement of their hurt. Of course, you should avoid hurtful words at all costs. If you are in doubt, don’t say it.

Certainly, Jesus would say something.

Be willing to listen: Grief is lonely. Even as a Christian, you can feel very alone in your grief. Yes, God is there and you can pour your heart out to Him and that is absolutely amazing. Still, there are times when you feel like you need someone else, someone you can see, touch or even just hear on the phone to talk to. We need others. 

Sometimes people get so wrapped up in what they’re going to say or how they’re going to help the hurting person by saying or doing something grand, that they forget to simply take the time to listen. Sometimes the hurting person needs to talk and cry. I know dealing with loss, grief and tears makes some people uncomfortable, but you should remember the golden rule. Ask yourself “What would I want others to do for me, if I were in that situation?” The hurting person simply needs to process through their feelings and various stages of grief. It truly is a process! 

If you say, “I’m so sorry” one day, then the next time you see them you don’t even ask how they’re doing, you appear cold and uninterested. Ask questions and be willing to just listen. Not only will the person hurting get to talk, you will also learn more about how to help them and how to pray for them by listening to what they say. Reminder: there are also times when the hurting person does not want to talk, respect that too. Ask again later.

Certainly, Jesus would listen.

Remember to follow up: Don’t just say a few words then forget about them or act as if they should be “over it”. There were just a few people who continued to check up on me beyond the “I’m sorry.” It was nice to hear someone say they were praying for me (us). Yet, I felt like I needed more than a one time prayer or pat on the back. It was those few people who would check up on me from time to time who helped me the most. They showed they really cared. It was obvious to me that they really were praying, and therefore thought of and felt invested in me. 

In this modern day of cell phones it is easy to find time to make a call. And most people these days have either e-mail, texting or facebook. Drop them a message to ask something like, “How are you today?” or “I’m thinking of you. How can I pray?” An old school snail mail card or note is nice. A little gift is appreciated. Take a meal to them.  Each of these things are a reminder that they haven’t been forgotten.

Certainly, Jesus would remember.

Direct them to the LORD: No matter how much you do or what you say, there will be times when the hurting person will feel alone. That’s why it’s so important to direct them to the One who can help in ways you never can. The One who never fail, who never leaves nor forsakes them, who is the God of all comfort! 

Pray. Send them scriptures. Remind them that He is good and can be trusted and loves them more than they can comprehend, etc. Fill them with His Truth!  Tell them that He listens and cares 24/7. Don’t neglect to remind them of the hope they have in Him, and Him alone. In the lonely times, those things will come into their minds and will help more than anything else. He is the giver of peace.

I had four different women who prayed with me over the phone.  What a blessing!  They didn't just say, "I will pray for you", they prayed right then and there, when I needed it the most.  As they prayed I felt strengthened...and their words, reflecting on His power and goodness, encouraged me.  Pray with them or write out a prayer and send it to them. 

Certainly, Jesus would direct them to the Father.

A dear friend of mine gave me a book that was quite helpful as I grieved the loss of our baby. It’s called “The Art of Helping: What to Say and Do When Someone is Hurting” by Lauren Littauer Briggs. 

I highly recommend this book to the person wishing to help the hurting AND as a gift to someone who is hurting. It covers various life circumstances like aging parents, chronic illness, loss of job, infertility, etc. Real women shared their insights with the author on what helped them, what didn’t and what they wish others understood. There is a chapter covering miscarriage. It was comforting for me to read this chapter because it was confirming that I wasn’t alone in my feelings. It would, of course, also be a great tool for those who want to minister to the hurting people in their life. As I implied before there is no “one size fits all” manual, but this book could give you a place to start and trigger some good ideas.

It might show you what Jesus would do.

I like the Casting Crowns song “Love them Like Jesus”. Read the words of one of the verses and the chorus:

The gifts lie in wait, in a room painted blue, Little blessing from Heaven would be there soon, Hope fades in the night, blue skies turn to gray, As the little one slips away

You're holding her hand, you're straining for words, You're trying to make sense of it all, They're desperate for hope, darkness clouding their view, They're looking to you

Just love them like Jesus, carry them to Him, His yoke is easy, His burden is light, You don't need the answers to all of life's questions, Just know that He loves them and stay by their side, Love them like Jesus

Yes, love them like Jesus!

To the one hurting: Remember to extend grace to the people in your life who don’t seem to “get it”. Remember that sometimes they just don’t know what to say. I know it’s hard, but you can choose to overlook their offenses (Proverbs 19:11). You can choose to love THEM like Jesus too.  Run to the One who will never fail you!!

“He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort

others. When they are troubled, we will be able

to give them the same comfort

God has given us.” II Corinthians 1:4

Faith Continued

I’ve wanted to write. I’ve even sat down, wrote and erased. Words don’t always come easily. My mind has often been a fog. At the moment so many words flood my mind. They don’t translate well from my head to the keyboard. My thoughts are scattered. My sentences are sometimes incomplete. Perhaps that’s okay. That’s where I am today. It’s honest.

If you missed my last post, you can read it here. It applies to everything else I write here.

The days following the death of our baby, I waited. Cramping. Pain. Tears. Sometimes miscarriages come fast. Sometimes they do not. Either way it’s not easy. More waiting. Waiting is hard. I wonder why, but I trust the One who made me, the One who loves me. “Lean not on your own understanding.”

I was reminded of my own life verse, the one that graces the header of this blog.

“As for God, His way is perfect.  All of the LORD’s promises prove true. He is a shield for all who look to Him for protection.” Psalm 18:30

Indeed, His way is PERFECT. Even when I don’t understand. Even when it hurts. I believe it. I know it is true. His way is perfect.

ALL of His promises prove true. Not some, all! His promises are for me, and He never breaks a promise. I can trust Him.

And He is a shield for all who look to Him for protection. When you look for Him, you will find Him (Jer 29:13). In the midst of all of life circumstances. He is my shield of protection. My strength, because I have none without Him.

He shows me that He sees me. He puts people in my path. A hug. A tear. A gift. A phone call, text or message. An “I love you.” All at the right time.

More days pass. Tough decisions. Tough days. A 3^rd ultrasound. A d&c. Obvious answers to prayer. 

Thank you, Lord! I lift my voice in songs of praise. Rejoicing. How do you explain that? Joy, in the midst of the mourning. Worship in the hard. Praise for Who He is, because He loves. Comfort from the God of all comfort. How do you explain peace, the kind that passes all comprehension, the kind that comes only from Him? I experience that, and I am thankful.

Another scripture given, this time in a Bible study. I’ve read them many times before, but this time they take on special meaning.

“Oh, how great are God’s riches and wisdom and knowledge! How impossible it is for us to understand His decisions and His ways! For who can know the LORD’s thoughts? Who knows enough to give Him advice? And who has given Him so much that He needs  to pay it back?  For everything comes from Him and exists by His power and is intended for His glory. All glory to Him forever! Amen.” Romans 11:33-36

HE gives, and HE takes away. My heart will choose to say blessed be His name. Not because it looks like I wanted it to, but because I believe that His way is perfect. Who am I to give Him advice? He knows what is best. I do not. His ways are so far above my ways! How can I even expect to understand? All glory to His name!

Life keeps moving. Responsibilities and schedules persist. Sadness remains. Grief is a process. I feel alone. Yes, I have the Great Comforter. But, people. Oh, people. People fail, as people often do. As I do.

Our baby died, the one we named Faith! Miscarriage is a private thing, or so I’m told. I think it should not be. We need other people, Christ in the flesh. People don’t know what to say, so they say nothing. It appears they don’t care, even if they do. It hurts. Loved ones, who you think should care the most, say little. It stings. Even those who ask seem to want “Fine” as an answer. It's lonely.

Prayers are appreciated. Acknowledgement of pain is helpful. A few friends choose to reach out beyond the “I’m sorry.” It is good. I am blessed and I know it. I know Him and am so grateful for that. And yet, in the quiet moments I still feel alone. It’s a normal feeling. Tears come yet again. He brings me to another verse, just what I needed, again.

“I cry out to the LORD; I plead for the LORD’s mercy.  I pour out my complaints before Him and

tell Him all my troubles. When I am overwhelmed, you alone know the way I should turn…

I look for someone to come and help me, but no one gives me a passing thought!  No one will help me, no one cares a bit what happens to me. Then, I pray to you, O LORD. I say, ‘You are my place of refuge. You are all I really want in life.’” Psalm 142:1-5

He reminded me that it is HIM that I really want. It is HIM that I really need. He is my place of refuge. He knows the way. He is my comfort. He is my hope. No one else. People fail. He does not! I pour out my soul to Him!

Last night a few close friends and I gathered for a Celebration of Life. We celebrated her earthly life, short as it was. We rejoiced that she is in His presence, eternal life. We celebrated friendship. We celebrated God's goodness, in all of life's circumstances.  I had no idea what to say. Words came as an answer to prayer. Tears flowed. Hearts joined in love, prayer and song. And I was reminded how truly blessed I am.  

Her life mattered. It mattered to me. It mattered to God, the Giver of her life. Her life affected me, changed me. Her life impacted others. God reveals His goodness in the midst of hardship. Beauty for ashes. He is real…and powerful…and personal. I praise Him for life. I praise Him for Faith!

Read a follow up post to this one: How to Help the Hurting

And a poem I wrote at the 1 year anniversary of the loss of Baby Faith: I Won't Forget

Miscarriage #3: Faith in the Waiting

It's another gloomy day and I continue to wait. It's been 4 more days. I hesitated to share before because the pain is still raw. Today I feel compelled to share, thinking my story might help someone else who is hurting. Please read on.

I wrote the following on Thursday, March 22, 2012

Yesterday the sky was dark, dark clouds looming overhead. I noticed and thought it was reflective of the looming sadness in my heart. I had cried a lot the night before. I felt numb as I drove. I prayed. We made it to the hospital. After a shuffle of papers and pleasantries, I once again lied down on that cold table, in that dark room with the white tile ceiling.

Only 2 weeks before the sonographer found a tiny baby with a tiny heartbeat. Still, I continued to bleed and all signs were pointing to bad news. This time, I looked at the sonographers face for any signs as she moved the probe. Her expression was void. Before long she shared. She said the opposite of what I wanted to hear. This time a tiny baby, but no heartbeat. She was sorry. So was I. Oh, so was I! I could hardly stand to lie there a moment longer.

Already a slow and agonizing 2 ½ weeks of bleeding, wondering and waiting. Now, I wait some more. This time to physically lose my baby. Her soul is gone, but her tiny body is with me. The possibility of surgery lies ahead. Neither option is what I want. I wanted a precious bundle to hold in October. Instead, I mourn and wait for more pain to come. Waiting is hard!

I am left wondering why, again. A third miscarriage seems almost too much to bear. It doesn’t make sense to me. It hurts. I am sad. All the while, I have prayed. I know that God is the Giver and Sustainer of life, so I wonder why He allowed our baby to die. I wonder why I must suffer…and why it has to be so drawn out. I wonder what He is doing. All normal feelings and questions when faced with the hard things of this life.

I’m thankful I can go to Him with the hard questions. That He cares and understands and gives comfort. He knows my heart. What would I do without Him?

As our pastor reminded recently, “Faith is taking God at His Word.” I say I have faith, now it’s time to live it. I say I believe His Word, now it’s time rely on it. I say He is good, but do I believe it when He allows such hard things to happen in my life?

I read the Psalms and they bring me comfort.

Psalm 33:4-5, “For the Word of the LORD holds true, and we can trust everything He does. He loves whatever is just and good; the unfailing love of the LORD fills the earth.” And it goes on to say in verses 20-22, “We put our hope in the LORD. He is our help and our shield. In Him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in His holy name. Let your unfailing love surround us, LORD, for our hope is in you alone.”

My hope is in Him and Him alone, for I trust His holy name. I believe His Word. Everything He does and allows is just and good. I don’t understand, but really I don’t have to. I trust Him. I choose faith. Faith that His unfailing love surrounds me and that He will see me through, as He promised He would.

My Loving Father holds my child in Heaven. I named her Faith. Someday when I reach the Gloryland and get to embrace Faith for the first time, she will be whole. His plan will be revealed. I will understand. Until then, I will trust, even on the hardest days, amidst tears, grief and even physical anguish. He is my comfort. He is my hope and confidence. He is enough. In Him alone do I trust.

The sky is full of dark looming clouds again today. I go about my daily activities as usual. I wait. I cry. I pray. I meditate on His Word. I trust Him. I kiss the cheeks of the two precious gifts He has given to me and my husband, our little sons. I thank Him. In the midst of the gloom, He lights up my darkness and fills me with hope.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I pray that YOU are filled with hope today too, my dear reading friend. Remember His Word is true and YOU can trust Him, no matter what your circumstances. Whatever you are going through, choose faith!

Follow up post to this one: Faith Continued

You might also want to read:  He Gives and Takes Away (a blog post I wrote after miscarriage #2)

In the midst of my loss, my miniature daffodils bloom. Life given!

“The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the LORD” Job 1:22

Self-Control

Our topic at MOPS this month was “self-control”. Probably not the most popular topic. I mean, who really wants to talk about denying self, right? And, yet, I think it’s an important subject. If you are anything like me, you have probably felt more “out of control” than “self-controlled” in one area or another at some point in time…maybe even right now.

Does self-control seem out of reach? Impossible? Unrealistic?

I have felt like that at times and, in some areas of my life, I feel like that now. Yet, God’s Word says to think clearly and exercise self-control (see I Peter 1:13). Do you think He would have instructed us to exercise self-control if it were impossible to do so? Remember what you feel and what is true are often two different things.

I’m definitely not an expert when it comes to self-control. I still struggle in areas. But, I have learned a few things on the subject in my lifetime that I would like to share with my Christian friends, and remind myself of, at the same time.

1. It is not impossible!  You can change! How do I know? I use to bite my fingernails down to the wick. I quit. I was in a destructive relationship and living a destructive lifestyle. I was able to change. I use to recklessly spend money. I got out of debt and am now very frugal. If I can do it, you can too! Nothing is impossible with God! (Luke 1:37)

2. You can not do it alone (but you can do it)! It takes reliance on the Holy Spirit. You can try all the positive thinking techniques and “fast and easy” schemes out there. They might even work for a time. But, most likely, you’ll fall back into old habits. Truly practicing self-control requires a dependence on what I call “Spirit-control”.  Knowing we can not do it within our own strength, but we can do all things through Christ who gives us strength (Philippians 4:13). I’ve heard people say, “God never gives us more than we can handle.” I believe God gives us more than we can handle all the time, but He never gives us more than He can help us handle! You are able because He is able!

“But the Holy Spirit produces...self-control…Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there. Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives.” Galatians 5:22-25

3. You aren’t going to “just change”!  It takes a lot of Thinking and Praying to see lasting results! It requires a change of mindset. We have to think about what we are doing rather than merely going through the motions of everyday life. It takes active effort and thought. Even more so, it requires persistent prayer. We have to ask God for strength, will-power and to help us think clearly. We have to speak to Him often, asking for His help, throughout the day. We must recognize our moment by moment dependence on Him. Perhaps that is why His Word tells us to pray without ceasing (I Thessalonians 5:17).

4. The enemy will try to discourage you!  Don’t let him. You’re probably going to mess up at some point. A mess up doesn’t equal failure. Instead of beating yourself up, repent, move on and do better next time. He will tell you that you “can’t” and that you “won’t” and that your not able. He is a liar! He wants you to give up. Stand on the truth of God’s faithful Word rather than the whispers of a lying thief whose goal is to destroy you (I Peter 5:8). He wants to keep you in a place of defeat. If you are a believer, remember greater is He (the Holy Spirit) that is in you, than he that is in the world (the enemy)! (I John 4:4)

Self-control truly is not out of reach. We don’t have to live feeling like areas of our life are “out of our control”. God gave His Holy Spirit to those of us who believe for direction and power. Wherever you are struggling, know He knows and cares and will help you if you seek Him.

Let’s review! We must remember, it is NOT impossible. We can not do it alone, but we CAN do it! It takes thinking and praying. And although the enemy will try to discourage us, God’s Word is full of encouragement!

"So do not fear, for I am with you; be not dismayed because I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

Distracted and Discouraged

I find that I’m all too easily distracted.  Does any of this sound familiar to you?

I get a few jobs done while my boys are napping, so I sit down to write or read my Bible. I notice the bathroom light on. I think, “I better turn that off.” As I do, I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Look at my hair! I think, “I better do something with this mop!” I fix my hair and my makeup…right after I clean the dirty toilet and sink. I remember that I’m suppose to be writing or reading, so I sit back down. Boy, I sure am thirsty. I go to the cupboard to get a glass.  Suddenly I remember the laundry in the dryer. I fold the load of laundry, then remember to make myself a glass of tea. I finally sit back down. Out of no where I remember that e-mail I’m suppose to return. I log on. I hop onto Facebook. Fifteen minutes pass before I remember to return that e-mail, you know, the one I logged on to return. I remind myself to get back to writing and reading. I sit down. My boys wake up from their naps. They need my attention. I didn’t write or read. I was DISTRACTED.

I think it’s human nature to get distracted. But, I believe this place called distraction is just the place the enemy of our soul wants to keep us. In fact I believe his two greatest schemes are DISTACTION and DISCOURAGEMENT.

Think about it, whether we’re distracted by our own faults or insecurities, our long to do list or responsibilities, our trials and tribulations, or just by life in general, we lose focus. When we lose focus, we tend to get discouraged. When we’re discouraged, we become even more distracted. We tend to focus on the lesser things rather than the more important things. When we’re distracted and discouraged, we’re less fruitful. And we aren’t experiencinb the abundantly life God promised us! If he can keep us there, he wins!

Perhaps that’s why Paul felt the need to warn us:

"…do whatever will help you serve the Lord best,

with as few distractions as possible.”

I Corinthians 7:35

Recently I have sensed the Lord guiding me to simplify my life. Less distractions. More focus on what is really important, Him and others. That means giving up some things and not wasting time, because I know this life is fleeting. It also means being aware of how easily distracted I am (and most of us are), and making a conscience effort to stay on track. I only have so much time. Why waste it on the lesser things? Why waste my days being distracted and discouraged when He has provided all I need to be focused and encouraged?

“Don’t be afraid for I am with you. 

Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.” 

Isaiah 41:10

I'm not saying we should shed every ambition, in fact, we shouldn't.  I am saying, there is a time and a place for everything (even facebook, if you so desire). And, of course, there are household chores that we all must do. I mean, who else is going to do your dishes, right? But the old saying “First things first” applies here.

We must focus on the more important things first! Then, the other things will fall into their proper places.

“Jesus replied, ‘You must love the LORD your God with all your heart,

all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind. T

his is the first and greatest commandment.

A second is equally important:

Love your neighbor as yourself.’” Matthew 22:37-39

We were created to be people of influence. However, we will never be all God created us to be, if we allow distraction and discouragement to overcome us. Not only will we miss out, those around us will too. We can’t afford that!

Ironically, the antidote for discouragement is the very thing we are distracted from. We must find time to be in God’s Word, to fill our minds with His truth. And if we only understood, really understood, even as the enemy understands, the power we have in prayer, we would never fail to spend time in conversation with God. If we seek Him, we will find Him. When we follow Him as our Good Shepherd, He gives us a rich, satisfying, and abundant life (see John 10:10), not discouragement and distraction.

“Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again - rejoice!

…Don’t worry about anything, instead pray about everything.

Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done.

Then you will experience God’s peace which exceeds anything

we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and

minds as you live in Christ Jesus.”  Philippians 4:4, 6-7

If you are a follow of Jesus Christ, remember all that you possess in His name! I know life comes with many challenges, but He supplies all we need (see Philippains 4:19)! It’s all too easy to forget. Don’t allow the enemy to bully you, and keep you in these places of Distraction and Discouragement. Spend time with the Lord daily, being strengthened, refreshed and rejuvenated. You will find yourself more FOCUSED and ENCOURAGED, influencing others and living the life of peace God promised to those of us who seek Him!

What I Can't Do...

I was feeling a bit sorry for myself. It’s embarrassing to write, but it is true. Poor me. Why me?

We think, Noah, our youngest has a wheat intolerance. And I believe I do too, except I have often chosen to ignore it. I know I feel better when I cut wheat (and dairy) out of my diet. But, do you know how hard it is to eliminate wheat in our modern day American culture? Do you know that (at least it seem like) wheat is in almost every processed food available to us? That means none of our regular store bought breads, pastas, granola bars, pizzas, cookies, cereals, etc. Not only that, many of our condiments contain wheat and so do Campbell’s creamed soups…and the list goes on and on.

I enjoy cooking, but I’ve never learned to cook completely from scratch. No, I’ve always used those shortcuts that are so typical in most American kitchens. Do you know how much more time consuming it is cooking completely from scratch? This means relearning how to make almost everything.

Then, the thought hit me, “We will never be able to go out to eat again!” No more Pizza Hut or McDonald’s…not that either are healthy or even my favorite. Yet, they are convenient and to think that we can never eat at those restaurants again…ugh! How will we ever travel to Indiana to visit my family without a routine stop at McDonald’s?!

One day my mind was fixated on all the things we can’t eat and how I was going to readjust our “normal”. That night I read our oldest his nightly devotional. It retold the story of Eve in the garden. Hopefully, you’re familiar with this true tale. God told Adam and Eve they could eat from any of the trees in the perfect Garden of Eden except for one. The serpent tempted them. They ate from the forbidden tree.

In Andrew’s devotional it pointed out that there were many different kinds of trees in the garden. God told them they could eat from all those trees except for one. And yet, when they were tempted, they chose to eat the forbidden fruit. This was the beginning of the fall of man.

This spoke to my heart on so many different levels.

First, this was a reminder that God has provided many other food options for us. There are many other grains besides wheat. In addition, we have a deep freeze full of Angus Beef (best steaks, burger, roasts, even brats and wieners you ever tasted!). We have whole chickens, sweet corn, green beans, salsa, strawberries and jam in the freezer. We have our own canned applesauce, jelly and juice. We have chickens that lay fresh eggs for us every day. Not only that, there are tons of wheat free options at our local grocery store (there are more and more gluten free/wheat free options available these days than ever before), plus various meats, fruits and veggies.  No more McDonald's...so what?  I get healthy, nurishing food!

In reality, I just need to change my way of thinking…and do what is best and healthiest for my family.

Then, it hit me. This is like so many other things in my life. Sometimes my focus gets stuck on what I can’t have or what I don’t have, rather than on everything else God has provided for me.

I am so blessed! Yet, sometimes I focus on the stains on my living room carpet more than the little blessings from God who made them. Sometimes I focus on all the things that are “wrong” with the house, rather than all the things that are “right”. Sometimes I wonder why I can’t do this thing or that thing today, rather than “one of these days”, and I forget all that I do get to do today!

In November, I stepped down from my role on the Rise & Shine Women’s Retreat leadership team. It was a tough decision because I love that ministry. It is especially dear to my heart because I was one of original team members who helped start the conference. I enjoyed my role on the team, and found my God-given gifts were well put to use. And still, I felt God tugging at my heart to step back and focus more on my number one ministry, one He also called me to…home.

It seems like it should be easy to make a decision to simply “stay home” with the ones I love the most. It wasn’t…and still isn’t. Of course, it doesn’t makes sense to continue doing something, something I was doing for Him in the first place, when He has clearly showed me that it is time to step back. And still, at times, I feel a grief rise up in me over the loss of this role. I wonder why I can’t continue on (even though, in reality, the answer is right before me). I know He has called me into women’s ministry, so it doesn’t completely make sense. Yes, I’m still coordinating our local MOPS group, and I enjoy that. But, why would God want to “take this away from me”?

Then, I am reminded of all that He has given! I get to be a wife and a mom! I looooove being a wife and mom! I love my family! Even in a culture that generally devalues these roles, He does not!! He has chosen me for these role. What an honor! In this season of life, home is where I need to be most. My husband and sons are gifts from Him, whom I get to nurture. He isn’t taking anything away, He’s giving me an opportunity!! Although sometimes I feel so inadequate, He equips me for these daily roles, and is building my character for future ones.

Not only that, it’s amazing that I ever got to be on the Rise & Shine leadership team in the first place! What a wonderful experience! I learned so much about Him, myself and ministry. I will cherish the memories, remember the lessons and apply much of what I learned throughout the rest of my life…even now as I get to help encourage other moms at MOPS.

Furthermore, I see all He has provided. Not only has He provided a way to eternal life for me through Jesus Christ, He provides all I need for each day. I reflect on the destructive road I was once headed down, how He provided a way out, and gave me this life, one better than I had ever dared to dream of. I’m not perfect, I still fail Him and yet, He forgives me again (and again). He continues to love me.

Another thought: sometimes people get so fixated on what they can’t do as a Christian (or if they became one) that they loose sight of what God provides for those who love, honor and obey Him. They don’t want to give up what they want, but forget about the peace, hope and joy it will bring if they surrender their will to Him.

In reality, I don’t want my way, I want God’s best…in all areas of my life!

No more feeling sorry for myself. I must change my focus from what I can’t do and what I don’t have to all He has provided! I am grateful!!

Could you use a change of focus too?

…be content with what you have, because God has said,

 "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." Hebrews 13:5

Have You Ever Had One of Those...Months?

Well, have you?  Have you ever had one of those days...weeks...months?  You know, where everything seems to be going heywire?  I have.  In many ways, this January has been one of those months.

Let me share a few things that happened in Beranville this month:

The month started out with my husband, Alan, having an emergency appendectomy which included an overnight in the ER with no sleep for either of us, another night and day in the hospital and 2 week of "down time" for him as he recovered.  He is rarely "sick" so this was all new to me.  And, let me tell ya, it's hard to keep a hard-working farmer down. 

Dentist ~ 2 cavities (that I get filled tomorrow).

Sick kids ~ vomiting, diarrhea, earaches.  Then,  Alan, and I had a stomach bug at the same time.  We were up together in the middle of the night getting sick.  Not a bonding experience that I recommend. :)

A head cold that just won't go away.

Some issues with my oldest son, Andrew, that are too complicated to write about in a snip-it.

More doctors visits this month than our family normally has in 6 months. 

Stool samples for 4 tests, collected in 10 containers and ran to town 3 times in one week. The first samples I collected from my 21 month old's diaper in my minivan with two popsicle sticks and a rubber glove.  All the while, little Noah was saying "Ucky!" from his car seat in the back.  :)

Tons of research online.  Trying to "self-diagnose" 3 different people that I love.  Praying for healing for them... and several others in my life.

Then, the month ended today with blood work for Noah.  Another trip to the hospital.  The blood had to be taken from his arm and it took them 3 tries to hit a vein.  I felt terrible.

It's been a bit stressful.  Sometimes I handled the stress heroically, sometimes not so much.  But, I have been reminded again and again this month that, although I can't change my circumstance, I can choose my attitude.

I refer to these verses often: "Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus."  I Thessalonians 5:16-18

And this past week these verses have been such a comfort to me: "This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for He faced all of the same testings we do, yet He did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive His mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most." Hebrews 4:15-16

His grace is all I need.  So I go to Him bodly, admitting my desperation for Him.  And He understands my weaknesses!  I can be thankful, even joyful in all circumstances.  I keep praying.  I keep pushing ahead in confidence.  I can choose a good attitude because I know His grace is sufficient and works best in my weakness (see II Cor 12:9).  I don't have to be perfect!

And I'm thankful, oh so thankful, that I can see all the good that took place this month too.  Lots of eye opening, growing moments.  The smiles, hugs and laughter.  Good cuddle time with the boys on sick days.  The fun family times in the midst of the craziness (like celebrating our Andrew's 5th Birthday).  The way I have been reminded of how much God loves me, and just how much I need Him! 

Tomorrow I will probably mess up again.  But I know where to turn for an attitude adjustment when I need it most...and I need it most, all of the time.  ;) 

Goodbye January.  Welcome February.  Another month, another chance to choose a good attitude, to accept His grace and to be grateful.  Yep, it's going to be one of those months! :)

What attitude will you choose?